Mercury Retrograde Once Again

Mercury retrograde would be the very worst time (February 23 to March 17) do not make large purchases, buy electronics, do not be surprised if you have car trouble, communication of all kinds gets interrupted, do not sign contracts or make any important commitments, relationship breakups will not be final and that person will reenter your life again at the next Mercury retrograde. These are just a few of the don’t during this time. If you choose to go against this advice you will find that you will learn the hard way, Mercury rules the mind and we tend to get bogged down in bullshit at this time so any decisions we make are made in muddy water and will not serve you well.

So Disturbing

I found out some very disturbing news today regarding my health and I can no longer put off getting my affairs in order. I saw my mother this weekend for the first time in three years and she doesn’t have her affairs in order and it’s up to me to do what I can so I am obtaining a power of attorney for her. So many of us do not think about dieing and what a mess we can leave for our loved ones and I do not want that to happen to my children and I am going to get a power of attorney for Shelby as well as making decisions regarding my health.

I have told Shelby that I do not want to be left in a state of relying on tubes and needles to keep me alive and yes to pull the plug without hesitation. It isn’t easy talking to your children about your demise but they are all I have and making those decisions while I can is important for their peace of mind. I do not know what will happen to my children when I am no longer here and that disturbs me greatly but all of us die and that is certain and I want my cross over to be as painless as possible for my children.

Seeing my mother ripped out my heart because to see such a strong woman reduced to a confused, physically deteriorated person is not something I am used to. My mother calls me Debbie, which is my sister’s name and that pisses me off because she has always done that as if Kimberly never existed and that isn’t so. I do exist, I do live and I have done back flips to help her and all she has ever done is rejected my love. It’s so damn hard when your mother cannot show you that she loves you and she cannot express herself verbally any longer.

One never realizes how short life can be until they are slapped in the face with a reality of their mortality. My children have never seen me really happy or happy at all and I so wanted them to know that happiness has come my way but it hasn’t and I won’t lie to them. Everyone knows when the “right” person comes into their lives and you cannot deny it no matter how hard you try but it takes two strong people to fight the adversities they face and come together to be one but most people won’t work towards that goal.

I do not think about passing on from this life because when I do I know I will be elevated to another level and maybe I will return as a turtle, who knows. I don’t play games and manipulate anyone but so many have played me like a fine tuned piano and that stopped a while ago. I am taking James and his step dad down, yes they are going down and James is going to be so fucked when I am finished with that little fucking liar/thief. I have found that he has gone through my drawers and personal items and I have had it and he will burn in hell.

I’m going to see his probation officer tomorrow after I file another police report for the shit he has stolen, my weeding ring and engagement ring, my jawbone and my ipod are the things I have found missing so far. Fuck, I have never spied on anyone and going through their mail, email, phone ect. isn’t me but I was so fucking stupid to help that son of a bitch and I am so done helping people because they fuck me over and it’s part of my karmic debt but so is the repercussions of my wrath and that will be part of their karmic debt.

I have strict morals and nothing but nothing or anyone can make me veer from them, I do not sleep with men for sexual gratification, I do not lie or steal or cheat, I do not set anyone up to fuck up their lives and I do not cheat when involved with anyone. I told my husband that I would leave him before I would cheat on him and I was as good as my word. I find cheating to be a weakness so many obtain and cheating doesn’t have to be physical, it starts out mental and you can tell when someone is thinking of someone else.

There’s a quiet distance that is placed by the cheater and the person they are involved with, the cheater doesn’t realize they are stealing time from the person they are with and they do not think that their thoughts can be damaging, but they are. A woman knows when the man she is with isn’t with her mentally and most deny it as if it didn’t exist, women will lie to themselves when they do not want to accept what is before them and they will continue playing the game until one day they are slapped in the face with reality.

People have a way of showing themselves unconsciously by bitching over little things, picking fights, finding fault, refusing sex or pretending and this is felt by the other party. You know when someone doesn’t really want to be with you and you know when it’s over and some will hang on hoping and praying they are wrong but they know in their heart that they no longer have the glue to keep the relationship alive. People do not want to let go when they have someone who will provide the best for them because most women want security and will do anything or say anything to keep it.

I can read between the lines and I know when the one I am with is with someone else, may it be physically or mentally or even both but I know and I have found it to be confusing because it seems to come out of nowhere and accepting the betrayal is hard but I have done it and I have dumped several for reasons of lieing and cheating. If he cheats on her he will cheat on you or if she has done the cheating once you can bet it will happen again and women are evil bitches when fucked over so be careful, be very careful how you end a relationship.

Just A Job

Some people are their jobs and some people have a job, those that have a job are not the person that they portray, that person is someone else, that person is the photos and the autographs, that person is the one people adore. The person behind the job generally is an unknown to most and hides in the shadows of the persona of someone people want to be with. Where is the person behind the job? Where is the person that is real and feels? Lost in the midst of dreams and fantasies, lost in tomorrow’s and maybe’s, that is where the person behind the job is.

He lies in bed beside another, feeling nothing as if she were his mother, he lies beside her and dreams dreams dreams but he cannot make her his dream girl. He cheats her and himself but he doesn’t see it that way, this is his filler girl nothing more than a substitute for who he really wants to be with. Is he happy? Surely not, is she happy? No, her heart tells her the truth as he has slowly pulled away, trying to forget the girl that he scammed one day, he won’t go after what he wants or needs and doesn’t care if the one he is with bleeds.

He bought her, diamond rings and pearls, fancy clothes and jewels but she doesn’t make him happy only content he is wasting his life, he has been spent. He needs a friend more than a lover, someone who accepts him for “who I am”. He is so afraid of the one that holds his heart but he refuses to let her part.

Let Them Grow

It’s so hard to watch our children grow and go their own way, we try as we may to be good parents but we all make mistakes and standing by watching our children is so very hard. I have given my all, my best but it has never been good enough for anyone including my children and watching them fall is what I must do to let them be themselves. It’s a lonely place without our children by our sides and it’s the memories that keep us connected, it’s the ups and downs and the give and taking that has kept us close.

Count On

It’s so hard to believe in people and to count on them to be there when live crumbles like a mountain side, it’s so hard to let anyone close, to let anyone in. It’s more important to have a best friend than a lover for one night, it’s a lonely world we live in, a lost soul am I, looking for nothing much but a bit of love from a good friend. Let me hold you close, let me touch that secret place within you, let me be there when the mountain crumbles in front of you. I want to breathe but cannot without my best friend there for me.

My best friend is a shy kind, my best friend loves green fields and runs into the wind, he wonders the world with an empty hand, lonely heart, a man with green eyes that sees so much more than you could ever imagine, there is no greater friend in my life than he. He doesn’t understand what troubles him so, he is my friend and I am happy to know that as he is there for me when I am no longer there for myself, he walks beside me in the darkest of days and he shows me the way, he is my friend and that means everything to me.