Dont Cry For Me

People ask me about my life and I tell them the truth, not because I want or need their pity but to teach them that the most painful experiences can teach us how to be a better person, a kinder person, a caring person. My life has had the occasion rose but mostly it has been filled with the thorns that draw blood and cause pain. I do not regret any of my experiences as they have given me something that I can give others, empathy. Each and every one of us experience life in different forms for different reasons.

The one who is rich, the one who is famous is not without learning and pain themselves, the poor and the homeless do not lose sight of what they have learned, survival, the blind and the at times hopeless find that they can finally see that there is hope. All of us have had our trials and tribulations, some of us more than others but that is how people evolve, people give to others, people receive as well. I feel like a punching bag at times, swinging back and fourth waiting for the next punch but I have also learned how to love, love the way it is meant to be displayed and given.

Love doesn’t come in a gift box wrapped up with a pretty bow, love doesn’t guarantee happiness and peace, love should never be relied on to make the payments and love should never be given to those that think they know what love is all about. Love and to love mean many different things to many people and some think it’s butterfly’s in the belly, thinking about the other person, wanting to be with that person all the time. To me, love is wanting the very best of the person that I love, I want them to be the best they can be for themselves and no one else, love to me is sacrificing my wants to fill someone elses needs, love is unconditionally, love is honesty, love is support and love is caring.

You know you love someone when you want only for them, you would sacrifice what ever you had to, to help them find their way, love is helping that person grow and find their way, love is encouraging and not controlling, love is sacrifice, love is not blind but sees what the heart feels. When you can love another in this way then you have found what is true, what is real and someone you could never replace with another face and perfect body. When you really love someone you help them to love themselves first and foremost, love is nothing more than giving.

Oil Slicked Road

 

The road is oiled

Slick and shiny

Going nowhere

Leading into the dark

The moon shines

Lighting the way

The destination is

Unknown but

I shall find my

Way

I have hurt

and I have been

Hurt

I am fallible

Undesirable

Unwanted

But I shall find

My way

No one to lend

Me a hand

No one to call

My man

Just an oil slicked road

to follow

And one thing

I know is clear

I shall crash

And no one will hear

Who will ever know

What happened to the woman

On the oil slicked road

 

Accidental Friend

Have you ever been involved in a situation with someone who did not care if they hurt you or not and only wanted what they could get from you? Have you ever ended up hurting yourself terribly by helping that person and knowing deep within yourself that everything they said to you was a lie? Have you ever been deeply wounded by a person that you did not know and not only were you wounded, their words and actions ripped open the most painful memories that you have chosen to lock away in what you once thought was a safe place?

Have you ever became friends with someone who has done all of the above? Have you ever let yourself feel and see something in this person that was beautiful and needy? Did you see a gem in the person who had wronged you so deeply that you bled from past hurts? Have you ever been able to forgive someone who has done you such wrong? Violated you in such a way that you never thought you could survive such pain again? Have you ever known that this person came into your life to teach you? For you to teach them?

Do you think things just happen or come into our lives for a specific purpose? Do you ever look deep into your soul and see someone wandering in the dark? Do you ever see that person as lost and so alone without anyone to guide them or show them that happiness is free, no purchase necessary? Do you think of this person every day and pray for their safety and good health, their happiness and for them to feel whole once again? Have you found yourself forgiving them for the pain that have brought into your life and how they play with your emotions because they are so unsure of their own?

When you can actually forgive, which does not mean you have forgotten and it does not mean that you are not still hurt and angry, then and only then can you say you have made an “accidental friend”. I have found an accidental friend or at least I am his accidental friend and am thankful for what I have learned from this person. I love this person for what he has given me in the way of learned lessons and I see a person so damn lost that if he were to find himself in a round room with four doors, he would never find his way out by himself.

I do not claim to be the person that is missing from his life and I do not pray that he will ever love me because God will bring into my life the man who is meant to see me to my death. I am not a woman who hides behind makeup and clothes, I am not a woman who plays games and fucks with people’s minds, I am the person that has turned over the wheel to God and he is driving this Miss Daisy to her destination. 

 

Vibration

I am love in the rawest form, I am giving to those unworthy, I am support for those that do not support themselves, I am guidance to those that need a guide, I am spiritual only to open your eyes to the possibilities, I am strong for strength is what I have to share, I am caring for those that need to learn to care, I am pain to teach you, I am a student to learn from the world, I am open to expression and I share with you what lies within my heart. I am worthy of love and I am hope for a better world.

I give all I have to those in need and I take nothing but the lessons I learn from others, I am one to love and to be loved, I am peace and share it with you, I am thankful and give thanx and I am me, nothing more and nothing less. I succumb to the energies around me and pass those energies on to those around me. I believe there is something greater than myself and I believe each and every one of us bring to us what we need when we need it. I believe that letting someone touch your soul is the greatest form of flattery and giving them love in return answers so many questions.

My purpose in life is to teach other’s what I have learned and to appreciate themselves for who they are, we are not defined by what we own, only by what lies within our hearts, we are hope, faith, love, giving as well as receiving and we must allow ourselves to let love in so we may love deeper those that define us. Learning to love ourselves is the hardest lesson of all and we are what we are and we can make our lives happier if we so choose. The reward of letting other’s love us is unmeasurable and the teachings of that love will open our lives and show us love in it’s true form.