It’s Time

I woke up this morning feel quite strange, as if a black veil had been lifted from my heart and my eyes, something had changed overnight as if a fire had burned down the bridges that I have refused to cross, as if a canoe waited for me at the shore, as if an unseen hand waited for me on the other side of the lake waiting to help me make a solid landing. The confusion was gone, the uncertain and no more questions awaited to be answered.

I reached the other side of the lake and that hand embodied the beginning of truth, washing away the lies and expectations. I stepped onto the bank in a flowing white silk gown and the bottom of the gown followed me through the waters and the sands. The hand disappeared and before me was a breath-taking scene of green pastures and I walked upon the pastures as the grass felt soft and inviting. I walked up to a chestnut tree and sat down looking back at the water’s edge that I had just left.

I felt peace, finally felt the peace that I have sought for my entire life, reality washed away the futile dreaming and I had found myself, my inner strength, my vision. I had held on so long to a dream that I released into the wind to be gone from my mind and I felt set free finally. You can lose yourself in your dreams and reality hides like a child behind a tree, I did not give up my dream, I finally have excepted it is time for me to move on in my life and to let go of those that no longer serve me.

I have no anger, quite the contrary I feel peace and a release that I never expected to feel, I know I will never be good enough for the one I dream of so I know longer wish to play make believe and I will no longer beg and plead to be in his presence. I am finally finding my own way by myself as it should be, I no longer wish to be one with another because being one with myself is all I need to be happy and to rely on another is to cause uncertainty and I am certain now what I really want.

I feel as if I am dancing in the greenest of pastures as a beautiful stallion runs up to me, stands beside me and lowers himself so I can climb upon his back and ride the fields in quiet ecstasy without distraction and no one to take away the moments of  solitude that help define me. I finally know who I am and who I am not and who I will never be and I have embraced my inner beauty and I know I do not need him or anyone to be happy.

We are like oil and water and the two shall never mix, they shall never mingle and they will never be one, I do not seek out pity or wish to be consoled by anyone. I will continue to move forward on the path of darkness lit only by the glow of the moon. My  journey has been a hard one but one of much learning and giving and I have given so much to those of this world and now it’s time for me to accept that I do not possess outer beauty, no my beauty comes from my heart, it comes from what God has taught me.

It is strange how you want someone so bad and one day you awake to the beauty of the chains setting you free, your heart letting you breathe and you’re ok. You know when you are headed in the right direction, when nothing else matters and no one can hurt you any longer. It’s a spiritual time for me and I reach to the heaven’s and the heavens send down dew and washes me clean and squeaky once again. You cannot feel such jubilation unless you let go of what you have held on so tightly to, then and only then can you walk with peace and acceptance of who you are. 

The tighter you hold onto a dream the less likely you are to have it come true so I have taken that dream and have thrown it to the winds of change and I have been rewarded with so much love that I cannot grab and bag it all. I walk within the arms of love and silence. It’s the quiet moments in my life that show me what was so important to me, I can never return home again and I have learned to accept what I have to hold onto and those are delightful moments of a less stressful time.

I have stepped of the roller coaster of life and I know longer make wishes as my fate was sealed long ago and I just go with the flow and do what I feel is what is right for me. Holding onto futile dreams serves me not so well and I am nothing like most and I accept that I am unique in so many ways and I have yet to find anyone that can understand my pains and joys. I have given so much away of myself to those undeserving and those that do not have the time to value what means the most to me.

Aspects

I have been intrigued by astrology since I was in my late teens and I find it quite fascinating and use it as a guide for major decisions in my life. Mercury retrograde has taught me much and I NEVER spend large amounts of money and I am always prepared for break downs with mechanical, communication, a “fuzzy” head and I never purchase electronics at this time. Mercury concerns the mind, and your sign and house position influences the mysterious way you put it all together up there. It determines how you make sense of your world, formulate ideas and share them with others. Your speech patterns, communication style, sense of humor, quickness of thought – all these are flavored by the position of your Mercury. Which element your Mercury is in is a good starting point for understanding your particular type of intelligence. Mercury is at home in the air signs, which lean toward rational and logical thinking. In fire signs, Mercury is quick, instinctive and inspirational, water signs give the mind an intuitive and emotional filter, while Mercury in the earth signs tends to be pragmatic and concrete.

In relationships of all kinds, frictions and confusion can arise when Mercury clashes. For example, an earth sign Mercury may an raise eyebrow at the air sign whose abstract notions seem out of this world. But put two air signs together, and speech resumes at the speed of light. Knowing the tone and timbre of a person’s Mercury can sometimes bridge the gap of understanding.

What does Mercury affect? In general, Mercury rules thinking and perception, processing and disseminating information and all means of communication, commerce, education and transportation. By extension, Mercury rules people who work in these areas, especially those who work with their minds or their wits: writers and orators, consultants, commentators and critics, gossips and spin doctors, salespeople, teachers, travellers, tricksters and thieves. Mercury also has an occult side, so healing, astrology and the transmission of spiritual knowledge are also in his area. Mercury retrograde gives rise to personal misunderstandings; flawed, disrupted, or delayed communications, negotiations and trade; glitches and breakdowns with phones, computers, cars, buses, and trains. And all of these problems usually arise because some crucial piece of information, or component, has gone astray or awry. It is not exactly wise to make important decisions while Mercury is retrograde, since it is likely that such decisions will be clouded by misinformation, poor communication and careless thinking. Mercury is all about mental clarity and the power of the mind, so when Mercury is retrograde these intellectual characteristics tend to be less acute than usual, as the critical faculties are dimmed. Make sure you pay attention to the small print! The Key Issue The key issue here is one of focus. Mercury’s retro phase tends to bring unforeseen changes and blockages, but the aggravation and frustration that many of us experience during these periods is often due to our own inability to roll with the punches. Is this due to our ego-fixation? Mercury sets out to restructure our thinking processes and for many of us this is painful and frustrating. Unresolved issues from the past tend to push themselves forward. Moreover, these experiences reveal flaws in our internal organisation as well as our external planning, which can make us feel foolish and inadequate. Keep your eyes peeled; Mercury’s retro period gives us the chance to find out just what has been missed! Mercury retrograde, like any cosmic aspect, affects people differently, depending on where it hits their personal charts. Some people actually prosper under a retro Mercury, especially if Mercury is retrograde but otherwise well-aspected in their birth charts. Some people even excel in the way they play roulette under a retrograde Mercury! It is also a time when matters begun under a previous retro period will come to fruition, or completion as the case may be. Firm decisions that have been previously made when Mercury is travelling normally through the zodiac may be implemented or finalised while Mercury is retrograde without too much worry, for experience shows that this can be done without undue problems arising.

The following aspects are based upon my birthdate, time and place of birth-

Positions of Planets

Sun 16°29′ Scorpio
Moon 11°51′ Pisces
Mercury 8°37′ Sagittarius
Venus 29°54′
Virgo Mars 13°09′
Scorpio Jupiter 7°04′
Sagittarius Saturn 3°44′
Capricorn Uranus 20°56′
Leo Neptune 7°04′
Scorpio Pluto 5°57′
Virgo Chiron 22°18′
Aquarius Ceres 18°48′
Sagittarius Pallas 29°09′
Scorpio Juno 18°33′
Scorpio Vesta 2°12′
Scorpio Node 3°17′
Libra Lilith 17°29′
Taurus Fortune 21°32′
Aries AS 26°10′ S
agittarius MC 20°29′ Libra

Planets in Houses*

Sun House 11
Moon House 2
Mercury House 12
Venus House 9
Mars House 10
Jupiter House 12
Saturn House 1
Uranus House 8
Neptune House 10
Pluto House 8
Chiron House 2
Ceres House 12
Pallas House 11
Juno House 11
Vesta House 10
Node House 9
Lilith House 5
Fortune House 4

Positions of Houses

House 1 26°10′ Sagittarius
House 2 4°19′ Aquarius
House 3 16°09′ Pisces
House 4 20°29′ Aries
House 5 16°08′ Taurus
House 6 6°50′ Gemini
House 7 26°10′ Gemini
House 8 4°19′ Leo
House 9 16°09′ Virgo
House 10 20°29′ Libra
House 11 16°08′ Scorpio
House 12 6°50′ Sagittarius

http://www.horoscopeswithin.com/birthchart.php#createchart