Life Begins When……

Life begins again when you let go of false hopes and shadowed dreams, life begins again when you like who you are and where you are headed, life begins again when you quit living in denial and get lost in futile dreams. My life has begun again and I am finally loving waking up in the morning as I finally wake up with a smile in my heart and a chesire grin on my face. All it takes is just one person to turn your entire world from grey to shades of green, yellow and red and it only takes a few words from someone special to make life worth living again.

It’s been damn hard moving past the death of my husband and as I pack to make my final move into a new home I release so many emotions and it feels good because I am moving forward, finally. My daughter and I are going to get tattoos at the end of the month, when Mercury goes direct of course and she wants angel wings in memory of her dad. When children lose a parent you must listen to them and encourage them to talk about their feelings and memories because it helps them so.

I haven’t decided what type of tattoo I will be getting but I can tell you it will not be anyone’s name, that is just plain ignorant. I want a small but meaningful tat, one that is pretty but subtle and most think tats are unattractive but I like them. My husband went out one day and came back with a tiger tattooed on his upper arm and it looked really nice, I was surprised he got it and didn’t say anything to me because we usually talked about stuff like that.

I remember the moment he died and I was looking at his tat and thinking back to the day he got it and I can remember the last breath he took and how his body slowly became cold. I could feel his soul depart as if it were cigarette smoke disappearing into the air and I felt peace, such peace finally for him as well as myself. I will be in Nigeria the anniversary of his 2nd year of death and it will be a very hard day for me and I do not know how the Nigerians honor their deceased but here, here we light a candle in the house of God.

It doesn’t matter where you are or what you are doing you never forget an important anniversary, it may be a wedding, a death, the day your divorce was final, the day you met the person that would change your life forever may it be good or bad but we remember, o yes we do remember and we think about the person, the situation, the timing and the place.  When a relationship finally dies it is usually a slow painful death and it takes part of us with it but we do recover and we do move on and we generally do love again.

I am a fortunate woman because I have rekindled a romance from years ago, he knows me very well as I do him and it’s nice, it’s safe, it’s fun and it’s just us learning to relate to each other in a positive way. The best relationships are always the ones that start as friends. I am not talking strangers that become friends, no I am talking of two people that have a friendship already established because there is a mutual respect and understanding, no games, no lies, no manipulation.

It’s really nice to have someone to talk to about anything, no judging, no condemning and it’s nice to walk in the park with the cool, crisp air nipping at your lips as you walk side by side in silence enjoying the world around you. There’s a certain amount of peace that rests upon the two of you and it’s comforting and it’s so nice to enjoy the day with someone who cares for you because of the person you are, not what you have.

I have so very little but so much more than so many and I have worked damn hard my entire life to get where I am and I’m quite satisfied where I am in life at this moment. I never thought I would ever feel like this again and it feels so good for a change. He listens to me and I can cry and he holds me as if he understands even though he cannot at least he tries and that is more than I can say for most men. It’s fun watching tv and laughing together while we eat chinese food and I spill it down the front of me because I am a slob and seem to always miss my mouth.

It’s fun having a few drinks and getting loopy and silly without being judged or made fun of in a hurtful way and I so love feeling this content and happy again. My life has been so strange and it seems to be raining men everyday, some good, some bad and some that don’t even phase me. You have to let go of your false hopes and dreams if you want to change your life and change comes with letting go and walking the path God has set before you, and I am walking hand in hand with a true friend, finally.

Pisces New Moon

If you would like to download this podcast: iTunes [] The Pisces New Moon holds magical healing power on March 11. We can experience profound insights and breakthroughs. We can heal old wounds. We can release the past. This emotionally empowers us. We have the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Chiron and Neptune in Pisces. We have a whole lot of Pisces going on. We are tripping with the light fantastic. Pisces energy is spiritual, sensitive and dreamy. This is not the time for facts, figures and fast decisions. In Pisces, it is wise to step back and review how far we have come. We are to dream. We are to flow with the energy. Release our need to control. Here we play, dream and visualize what we want. ♠ What are you dreaming? ♠ What do you believe is possible? ♠ What do you need to release? ♠What needs healing? ♠What is your destiny? The Pisces New moon is the last New Moon for the astrological year. In western astrology, our new year begins when the sun enters Aries on March 20. This will be the cycle to put our dreams (Pisces) into action (Aries.) Pisces is the cycle for endings and completions. Step one is to rest, restore and breathe deeply. Our life will accelerate greatly in Aries. People will be ready to move forward on their long range plans. New opportunities will emerge for everyone. Mercury is retrograde in Pisces until March 17. This is a walk on the weird side. Communication is challenged with heady Mercury in dreamy Pisces. Pisces is the last sign we must master to Ascend off the wheel of life (karma.) In Pisces, we surrender our egoic needs and wants. We allow our Higher Self to guide us. Our soul knows our destiny. We can’t know what is right for us from exhaustion. We must be rested. In this way, we choose wisely. We choose what is right for us. Life becomes effortless, when we live from our authentic Soul Self. We connect to our soul’s wishes and desires. We are proactive and not reactive. Pisces rules the twelfth House. The twelfth house in our natal birth chart reveals how we sabotage ourselves in this and past lives. The twelfth house shows our limitations, frustrations and shadow side. The self-defeating patterns we disown or deny. The twelfth house is a treasure trove for our hidden strength, untapped talents and abilities. The twelfth house rules our personal unconscious and the collective unconscious. Though hidden from view, the twelfth house is rich in significance. The twelfth house can reveal secret wellsprings of growth, opportunity and strength. Or, it can point out ways we covertly undermine ourselves. Denial creates our suffering. When we are willing to consciously examine and take responsibility for our self-defeating thoughts and behaviors. Including those negative feelings we don’t like to admit we possess. We invoke our cathartic healing. In this way, we empower ourselves. We free ourselves from the self-limiting past. Our Higher Self takes dominion over the dysfunctional ego. This is how we Ascend. We cannot change what we do not acknowledge. Yet, the tendency of the natal twelfth house is to remain hidden from others and from ourselves. In other words, we deny our self-defeating patterns of behavior not only to other people but more importantly to ourselves. We are in a profound cleansing and clearing cycle. Allow the deep emotions emerging from the unconscious to be healed. The past does not equal the future. The past cannot be used as a measure for the future we are creating. The ego-mind focuses on the past to measure the future. This creates suppression, fear and anxiety. We have never been here before. Our past experience cannot be used as a reference point for what we are experiencing. Earth is Ascending. We are Ascending. We are on the leading edge of thought creating the New Earth. “Quantum imagination is the actualization of thoughts, dreams and imaginings. Be aware of the power your mind has and the opportunity you have to use it with intention and wisdom.” ~ Ivo/Lisa Dorr The Pisces New Moon message is to follow our heart. Only the heart can make our dreams come true. We need to stay out of the ego mind. We are to live from our heart. Allow our heart to open wider. Let Creator’s Love/Light healing energy flow through us. This will heal our past. This will heal our body, mind, heart and soul. Pisces is our opportunity to return to Source. We are to dial out of the over-stimulation of modern life. We allow the magic and mystery of Pisces to take us deeper into our soul. We do this through meditation, music, art, dancing, singing, writing, resting and being in nature. Doing what we love. We merge with the Divine. Make time for yourself at the New Moon. We are to plant seeds of gratitude, appreciation and faith. Take advantage of the New Moon invitation to rest and retreat. Mars the planet of action, energy and drive fires into his home sign Aries on March 12. We will release the past, racing towards our future. We move from our inner journey to the outer world and new beginnings. “When we say to you, make peace with where you are, we want you to make peace with where everyone is; we want you to make peace with the world events; we want you to make peace with where your friend is in relationship with where your friend wants to be. We want it to be all right with you where anybody is.” ~ Abraham


Mind Games

I hate it when people play mind games with me especially when they know I have a difficult time remembering things, especially when I am stressed or pushed into a corner. I have been looking for my ninja blender for months and finally found it hidden under the kitchen sink way in the back. That bastard James did it because he was going to steal it like he did with so many other things, now my makeup is missing and has been for sometime, he’s a little fucker that is getting ready to get seriously nailed to the fucking wall.

My red leather computer bag is missing along with my macaw ring and my wedding ring and I am seriously pissed about this. My wedding ring meant nothing to me and the value is about eight grand but Shelby, my daughter wanted some of the diamonds out of it for her eventual wedding ring. He didn’t take Bob’s ring because it was way in the back of my nightstand hidden under so much shit and besides it looks like it’s been through the ringer and back.

James tried to pull shit on me about one of the ipods asking me if I had taken it into my room, the little fuck stole it and tried to play mindfuck with me. He went through my drawers through out my home and took whatever he wanted and he is such a stupid fuck that he had my wire strippers and didn’t know what they were for, to bad I didn’t put his  little dick in it and strip him of his skin. I have clothes missing, lingerie missing and personal items as well as my kitchen aid blender.

This really pisses me off because it’s a violation and I really HATE being violated. I am so private and I resent people who have such insecurities that they have to try to mindfuck me or do other immature and controlling things like hack my computer. I always know who is doing the hacking and I just go behind him and clean up and lock him out the best I can, he is quite knowledgable but he has serious control issues.

He has fucked up several of my laptops so I couldn’t get online and he has taken pics and such that he had no right to yet he thinks I am none the wiser. I do not have time for people that must control others and cannot control themselves and must manipulate to get what they want. I have to use several computers because he is always trying to get on at least one of them and he has been quite unsuccessful in getting into the one that has the important stuff on it.

I have had to go as far as opening up numerous email accounts to ensure my privacy from this ass and I am really fed up with his childish and controlling behavior. I have peace within myself finally because I no longer focus on him or spend time wondering what he is doing, if he is ok and if life is good to him because frankly, I no longer give a damn about anyone else and am focusing on my own life. Life is finally turning around for me and things are falling into place quite nicely for me.

Financially things are getting better and romantically my life is smooth sailing and I am enjoying the hell out of myself and the one I spend time with. I do not need to fuck every guy I meet to make myself feel desirable and I will not cheapen myself to use sex as a manipulator and controller of my relationships. Men will fuck anything that  has a mouth and they will even fuck a camping stove if horny enough, men want more than sex but they use sex as a way to get their needs met and an orgasm is only a temporary fix because they need mental stimulation, which isn’t that easy to find.

I do not waste time on people who rape my life through my computer or my mind and I refuse to play their game as it is wasted energy and I find that I am not attracted to the bullshit they dish out on a daily basis. I could never be involved with someone like the above described because I am not like that at all and I actually despise people who act as such. He can read every post I have ever written a million times but he will never fit into my world because he is truly one of the most fucked up, controlling, insecure people I have ever dealt with. All I can say to him is “here is a sugar titty now go suck on it for a while” and maybe you will find sweetness in your mouth but never in your life.

Read Your Chart

Want to learn to read your own astrological chart? Here’s a link to get you started  I ran across the following chart which screams fame and fortune but also shows much sadness and someone in love with love. This is a good chart to decipher if you are a beginner