The teacher has struck once again, good old Mercury Retrograde never fails to teach me to listen to myself and not to be in such a hurry to get things done. I started getting the rooms ready for new carpeting the last time Mercury went retrograde and sure enough they had to come back twice to measure. This time, they were suppose to install it and of course the measurement was wrong on one of the rooms so they will be back tomorrow to finish the job.
I am putting the cheapest carpeting in because why waste money when Im selling anyway? I have to put a few new ceiling tiles in the basement because the tub overflowed and ruined them and I need to put up a few closet doors and repair Ryan’s door from being slammed so many times. I am finally at the point that I am packing the things I want to keep, which are so very few. It never seizes to amaze me how much one can collect over the years and how much we don’t need but hold onto.
I have a friend that lives outside of Houston, Texas and I will be visiting him sometime this year scouting the area and see if I like it enough to move there, which I no doubt will. I have visited Texas several times and enjoyed it because I have friends there and they showed me a great time. I will no doubt find a small place that requires very little upkeep and when I find the place that suits me then I will purchase what I need there.
Having two homes won’t be a problem because Shelby will care for the one here and probably end up getting a roommate so she doesn’t live alone. Living alone sucks, it’s lonely and no one to come home to just plain sux. When I do make the move to Texas I will take my pets with me because they love me and give me so much and Khloe needs to be with the boys for her own entertainment. They are running around the house as I type and Khloe is chasing the dogs, yep one screwed up house I have but so much fun.
I have been feeling so much better about myself lately, which has been greatly needed because I really hated myself for quite some time because I let myself get lost in a make believe world and in that world I was never enough. I got to wrapped up in someone online and we never met and that made me feel like I was nothing but shit, not good enough to meet, not good enough to be with. I no longer hang my self worth on another’s acceptance or rejection and that is making me happy.
My life is getting better with each day and I am so looking forward to my vacation next month and I really need it. I need to get away from all of the bullshit, legal problems, money problems, problems in general and everything is finally coming up roses for me. People say I am the strongest person they know and yes I am strong but I am also easily crushed and refuse to look in the mirror because I hated the person I saw, but those days are gone.
When we define ourselves through others eyes is when we lose ourselves and our purpose and that is what I had done for so long. I am one of the few people you will ever meet that is honest, trustworthy and caring, what you see is not what you always get but as far as honesty, I am honest to a fault which isn’t always good. This year seems to be going in a positive direction as it should and this is going to be a great year for me.
This is a year of much travel and lightening my mental load and I am liking it quite a bit. Going to Nigeria is something that occupies my mind along with getting this house ready to sell. The one think I do know is I am so looking forward to seeing Raphael again and as I assumed he has a girlfriend, his first true love and I find that to be so sweet. His ex wife is a total bitch and keeps bugging him, hell she wanted the divorce and now she wants him back, to late hon-he has moved on.
He has always made me feel pretty and he and I have always had a great time together, I will be staying with him when I visit Texas and we are not bed partner material, just friends and that is a great feeling. I could so easily fall into bed with him but I am not that type of woman and so wish I were. I need to be sexually involved with someone but I have to be in a certain place with someone before I can jump them and I know this is rare in today’s world but my morals are very important to me and I will not deviate from them for anyone.