Floating Through Air

It’s quite nice to feel as if you are floating and that feeling comes from finally letting another person touch you in ways that you had long forgotten about. It’s a feeling like no other, simple but so hard to explain and you just know when you feel it for someone else. It’s so odd how people are drawn to each other and sometimes you just fall into each others arms with such comfort and safe feeling that surrounded the two of you.

That “feeling” is something that all of us need to feel at least once in our lives and the dreams we may have to feel that again is only telling you that it will come again someday. When someday arrives it’s like no other day and the feelings are so intertwined with the other person and the pull to be so close that you  breathe together is when you know that you are truly in love with another. The feeling of loved is so overwhelming yet so beautiful, like the first orgasm of the relationship.

So Weird

I am feeling so weird today, totally out of sorts as if I am in a dream state. Rick and I went and emptied my moms care which got repossessed as will her motorhome. I am trying to get power of attorney so I  can take  care of her business but that has yet to happen as far as I know. I know it’s night right to want someone to die but when you are locked in a body as my mom is and her lack of putting sentences together is not the same woman who raised me.

I have thought about Bob today as Rick brought him and I can remember that cunt Judy taking advantage of him during the divorce and she played both of us against each other to get closer to Bob because he evidently had promised her she could live at the house with him and the kids. I will never forget sitting on the end of his at the hospital and her calling and he told her we had gotten back together. You could hear her screaming at him all the way down the hall.

She was so fucking nasty to him and her daughter had totaled his Lincoln and they stole his money and some shit he owned. She stole from my kids is what she did. She was looking for a sugar daddy and thought she could work herself into Bob’s life as a live in with no bennies. She is one ugly nigger and I do not use that word lightly. The things she did to Bob the last two weeks of his stay at the hospital was so damn wrong.

When you become husband and wife there is always a connection if you have children together and there will always be that certain amount of tension until the both of them can find mates that really make them happy. I have dealt with an x spouse that was extremely angry and hell-bent on destroying my marriage but as I once told her “what went on between the two of you is none of my business and I prefer to build upon my marriage as long as I live”. That’s exactly what I did to, the x seems to always have so much negativity to say that listening to it would only cause problems in the current relationship. 

I never had any problems with Bob’s x, Kaye because, well  because I just didn’t listen to her shit and I found out who Bob was for myself and I can say he was a damn nice guy, a real good person but he was misguided. Today, I feel such empathy when I think of him and I think of green pastures covered in the prettiest purple flowers that spread across the field, I feel our hands holding as we walk and he let’s go of my hand and slowly disappears into the air, leaving me to stand alone, looking at the purple pasture of no where.


It’s such a wonderful feeling when someone makes you feel wanted, needed and they smile when they see you. It’s a wonderful world when someone holds you near and wants to make you happy by giving you a simple dandelion, their smile and they hold your hand with theirs. Walking together with an unspoken connection that has waited until now to disrobe and stand before you. There are people we meet that we instantly know are to fill a space in our lives and when we meet these people or this person we feel a warmth move slowly through our bodies.

I have searched an entire lifetime for just that person and he has finally appeared like a falling star from the sky, he makes me feel rich and he sees what others cannot, only he and I can see it, feel it and build upon it. When you chase after love it runs and it hides but when you quit chasing and let life live as it should then you are showered and adored by just the right person. I have chased and I had continually tripped over the cracks in the ground but now I am solid, I am accepted and I am loved for me, just simple ole me just the way I am. Thank you God…………


Less Resistance

Inside each of us is a yearning a desire a need that must be filled to ease our loneliness and the emptiness must be filled so we may once again float in the world of lies and deceit, stolen moments and emptiness we walk alone in. We need to have this part of ourselves filled with comfort, with love and acceptance. People will love you for the part of you that they find desirable and they will turn a blind eye to the things they wish not to see or to accept.

So many want that face on the tv screen but not I, I want the face that has escaped the Wheaties box and the face that smiles just for me and no one else. He is with me at this moment even though his body is elsewhere and he thinks of me as he sends me the secret messages that only the two of us will ever share. Wishes are dreams that have not yet materialized and he holds a place within my chest that has been held prisoner for so long.

It only takes one person, one very special person to change our outlook on live, to look at ourselves as we are and what we can be. It only takes one person to touch us in a way that no one has ever done and he is the one that has touched me. I smile the smile of knowing he cares, and I grin the naughty grin when I think of being with him, he has given me something that has no word, has no explanation and he has taken me to a place of less resistance.


My Skin

When I awoke I thought of him instantly without hesitation as I laid naked with one breast exposed I thought of him, nobody else just him and that is how I know things are right, they are good and life is a smile again. It’s a rare moment in my life that I feel this happy, this much serenity and this much acceptance of self and I like it because I am finally finding my way in this twisted life and I am so thankful for the man who has come into my life, the man who sees the real me and likes me for who I am.

He is kind, he brings me chicken soup when I am sick, he has a hug for me when the sunny day is shadowed by loss and pain, he listens to me and he has shoved an ice cream cone into my nose only to lick off the cold, sweet cream. We laugh together and we are silly but it feel right and it hasn’t felt this good in so many years I didn’t know it was possible. Thank you for being there and thank you for  being a real friend.