Never Stops

My son wants to add my step daughter to his phone list and I told him that I would have nothing to do with him if he did and he said fine and hung up on me. My step daughter has used her dad, me and my kids to get back at me and I am sick to death of her shit. My son seems to think his life was saved by her three times because he doesn’t believe in God and I told him God saved him not that little cunt. She does everything she can to disrupt my life and she didn’t think Shelby should get anything from her grandmother because Shelby was so young when she passed.

Katy and Kristy went through their grandmother’s jewelry and left Shelby all the shit but I beat them to it and Shelby got the good pieces and what her grandmother wanted her to have. Katy has issues with her dad and she blames me because Bob didn’t see her or her kids, which was strictly his choice even though I tried to get him to visit her. She used us to pay for her wedding and her honeymoon and then she was gone, typical Katie.

I want nothing to do with her or her sister and what she did at Bob’s funeral was just plain sick and I will never forgive her for that. Ryan wants contact with her he will have no contact with me because I will not entertain that sick little bitch ever again. Katie loves causing trouble for me and she needs serious help with her issues regarding her dad and as far as her mother, Kaye had no right telling my son that Bob and her split because  Bob cheated on her.

Bob dated when they were legally separated and that is what she labeled as cheating and to tell my son he cheated is bullshit. Ryan likes to run his mouth about shit that is no ones business and that is another reason I do not want him talking to her, because he repeats shit that is no one’s business and I can no longer talk to him about anything that isn’t superficial. This kid of mine is pushing me further and further away and I cannot wait to go on vacation so I do not have to deal with his bullshit.

I am so sick of being blamed for everything that is wrong in his life and he refuses to take responsibility for his actions, nothing would make Katy happier than to know that Ryan tried to kill me and of course she will no doubt support everything he did and everything he feels she will justify, which is not what he needs. Ryan thinks Katy cares about him when the fact is she doesnt give a fuck about him and will agree with anything he says, which is not what he needs.

Hope

When I was a child I had a horse that was so beautiful and he protected me and loved me as I did the same for him. I mucked his stall, cleaned his hooves, bathed him and fed him oats and the occasional sweet feed along with hay. I spent every day with him and we rode bareback in the field and when I was hurt I would hug him and he felt the love I had for him. He never stepped on my feet or gave me hard time when I cleaned his hooves, no he stood there and let me do what I chose to because he knew I would never hurt him.

He was my pride and joy and I entered a few horse shoes and we won a few ribbons but when all was said and done, he was my best friend. I had him for years until my mother decided she had to build a fucking built in pool to impress people and she sold him without so much as a word to me. I came home from school, dropped my books and went to his stall and he wasn’t there which made me panic and I walked the fields for hours calling his name without any answer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPG7PcI67dE

I walked into the house with tears streaming down my face and my mother asked me what was wrong and I told her blackie was gone, someone had stolen him and she told me she had sold him so we could get a fancy built in pool, which we could not afford of course. I went ballistic on her and she slapped me and locked me in the basement so she didn’t have to see my face and to muffle my cries. There has not been a day that has gone by that I do not think of him and how cruel my mother was.

My mother made me gas my dog to death with a hose from the stove and she had now sold my horse and I felt there was nothing to live for but God would not let me release the air from my lungs as I  had work to do in his name before I died. I meant nothing to my mother other than a child support check and even though I did really good in school she never bothered to look at my report card or say a single word of encouragement to me.

There is nothing like a horse and there is nothing like the love of such an animal to make you happy when nothing else has the power to do so. I will forever miss him and I know I will never have another horse because I just do not have the means to afford one. My life has been a series of learning to let go and move on and no it has not been at all easy but it is the life I have been given and learning to let go is a lesson I still have trouble with to this day.