Love The House, Car, Bank Account

How in the hell do you find someone who likes you for you? Not the house, car and bank account? How do you find someone who wants to know what makes you happy or sad? How do you find someone who doesn’t give a shit what you have? People are so damn materialistic and they want, want, want and keep wanting and they take everything they can get their hands on. I have realized that I cannot bring a man to my home because it gives the false appearance of a wealthy woman.

I am so far from wealthy it isn’t even funny and I was so damn stupid by sending money to someone and that has affected my credit, putting me in the low 600’s in the credit rating system. I cannot blame that person, I have to blame myself but it has been several years and I am still trying to climb out of debt. I do not owe much but it still keeps me oweing and I hate owing anybody. I was finally able to get a credit card but have a 400 dollar limit because of my stupid mistakes.

It takes a minimum of 2 years to get over a relationship of any kind and it takes even longer to rebuild your credit even if someone else left you with the bucket of shit to clean up. I am my own worse enemy by giving people too much and letting them shit on me, I am a push over or at least I was but I am learning to toughen up and not put up with shit from anybody any longer. I just recently learned that a guy I was seeing seemed more interested in what I had than who I am and that really hurt me a lot.

Everyone I meet seems to either have it all or want it all and that isn’t the type of person I want to be with, either of them. Someone that has it all you can give nothing to that will excite them and the ones that want it all just want to be with you for what you have so what is left? I do not want to live a ritzy lifestyle but I do not want to live a poor life ever again, all I want is simple yet so damn hard to find in another because people are just plain fucked up in this world as they have no morals and no values.

In five years I will be sitting on my back porch in Texas swinging by myself, listening to the crickets by myself, watching the wind blow the grass in the field and thinking of my younger days when I was pretty and thin. I will never be what I once was but it doesn’t matter because I am who I am today and that is just the way it is. Being loved for yourself is such a damn hard thing to find these days and I think I will be alone until I die because I refused to be used again and I refuse to play games to fit into someone else’s life.

Five Years Future

Do you know where you want to be in five years? Who you want to spend your life with? Where you want to live? All of us need a five year plan to work towards and my five-year plan is very simple. A smaller house, my kids in college and I want to share my life with someone who appreciates what I have to offer. I want to wake up in the morning and look out the window and see land, lots and lots of land, no buildings, no houses, just barren land. I would so love to see  a meadow with beautiful horses and freedom for them to run as they so choose.

I would so love to wake up next to someone who I fell in love with over and over, every day discovering something new and wonderful about them, someone who I can watch sleep and feel a rush of love for that person. I want to wake up with my dogs on my bed and the greatest love of my life lieing next to me. In five years I want to be the center of someone’s world and they are my center as well and I want to share all of my fears and secrets with this person, feeling so secure that nothing, not a single thing I would hide from them.

I want to make love everyday to the same man and it is always as exciting as the first time and I want to be able to cook his favorite foods and shower with him and feel all that excitement that you do like the first time. I want to laugh in the rain, be silly and share my hopes and dreams with this man and hope he can share the same with me. My life isn’t one of great wants, no my life is just searching for that special man who can see that I am so much more than what I appear to be.

I wish to spend my life making someone else happy, sharing the love I have to give and being their greatest fan, I so wish to be there to build someone up and tear them down when they need it but most of all, I wish to share my life with someone who wants to share their life with me. I do not need to be rich in dollars because I am already rich in my heart and that is more important than all the wealth in the world and if I had someone to share that with my life would be complete.

The Promise Ring

A promise ring can be a promise for many things, I have never worn a promise ring or given one but I think a promise ring is more important than a wedding ring because we see what happens to marriages. A promise ring for me is a committment to be monogamous with someone, to give yourself to that person and only that person and to love them. A promise ring once given, gives more to the person than just words, it gives you a sense of true love from another because it is a promise, and promises should be given with only good intentions.

I would never accept a promise ring from someone or give someone a promise ring unless your entire being is wrapped in that band, it has no beginning and it has no ending, it is complete and can never be broken unless you chose so. I think when you give a promise ring it should signify a friendship like no other and has no rivals, it should be given with only the purest of intentions, no games, no lies, no deceit. Promise rings are given by either sex and are not limited to men giving a woman one.

A promise ring is not a committment to marriage, it is so much more and if you give someone one then you are giving so much more than a marriage committment, you are giving a part of yourself that most do not give even during a marriage. If I give someone a promise ring they have something very special because I would give it with only the purest of intentions and I would clarify exactly what I was promising to that person. To give a promise ring is to give a part of yourself that you promise to keep safe for that person and that person only.

So where in the hell is my promise ring? LOL, never happen to me…….


I love all of the seasons except winter but spring, well spring brings a new hope, it awakens what has been dormant and spring makes us feel better about everything. Spring brings with it beautiful flowers, buds on the trees, a crispness in the air and spring gives a renewed sense of well-being. Spring brings with it a morning sun that brightens the days that have been dark and gloomy and it makes us feel better about getting out of bed in the morning. Spring brings new and exciting relationships, it is a romantic time and many commit at this time.


Spring brings with it Easter and brings with it a certain amount of self awareness if we open our eyes to what is out there for all of us to enjoy. Spring is the time to adventure into new relationships and start fresh, leaving all of what has held us back, allowing us to move forward with a new desire. Spring puts a lift in my step and awakens someone who has been dead inside of me throughout the winter and I can get seriously motivated to do the things that I have so avoided.

Spring is a great time to fall in love because as your love grows, the land around you grows as well and heightens the desire to be with another on a deeper level, spring makes us want to know more about a person and to share our feelings with them. Spring is beautiful, springs is exciting and yes love is always in the air during the springtime and it makes you want to share with another, be closer to another and discover all of the mysteries of the person that is the object of your affection.