Thinking

I think of touching your face, kissing your lips, holding your hand. I think of your smile and your laugh and I think of you everyday, all day long wondering if you are with someone, wondering if you are happy, wondering just wondering about you. I wonder if you are happy driving your expensive cars and living in your expensive house wearing expensive clothes and going to expensive restaurants. I wonder if these things mean anything to you any longer or if you have grown to realize they mean nothing.

I wonder if you know what it means to be loved for yourself, the person behind the face and I wonder if you can see who I am or am I just another female on your long list of females. I wonder if you will ever let me make you smile or let me make you laugh in front of me and I wonder if you will always hide and carry the shame that is in your heart. I wonder if your conscious can let go of the thing you are not proud of and I wonder if you think you can make it up to me, the things you did to me.

I wonder if you think I hate you for what you did and I wonder if you think I will throw it in your face and I wonder how much you actually fear meeting me for what you did hurt me terribly and you know it. Let me tell you this hon, what happened has happened and will never be repeated and I do not look back but forward and I have learned so much and have grown tremendously from my past experiences. You are no longer the smart scammer and I am no longer the innocent fool and that is why I refuse to look back.

I do not harbor ill feelings toward you at all and I do wish you would let go of what happened because it does not serve you well, now does it? I wonder if you sleep well and I wonder if you ever think about me and if you don’t that’s ok. I am in a good place in my life and it is a shame you are not part of it but that is the way it is and I accept that. Be true to yourself my friend and be true to your heart and you will find what you have been looking for, for so very long.