If you send out negative energy negative comes back to you but when you send out positive energy good things come your way. When we love ourselves and accept ourselves in our entirety is when the universe sends good things and good people to us. I have changed my entire outlook on myself and how I feel about myself and it is amazing how fast things have turned around for me. I have money coming to me from everywhere, not large amounts but amounts that have been quite helpful to me.
I have wanted to sell my rv and my house and I have a few people interested in parts of the things that go with my rv but I have chosen to sell them separately. I have been selling so much shit that I no longer have a use for and they weigh me down and I have let go of my troubles and worries and let the universe take control and yes Jesus is at the wheel. It’s as if I have finally reached a point in my life that has allowed me to let good come in and I have blocked all negative energy.
I think I have finally learned the lessons that God has wanted me to learn and now I can move on with his blessings. God has held me back so I could learn these lessons to make me a better person, I have learned to quit fighting battles that are friveless and cause me pain and unneeded stress. I have learned that letting go instead of hanging on trying to seek revenge and justice does not serve me well at all and I have learned to let go and walk away because I cannot punish anyone, only God and karma do that.
I am accepting what I cannot change and I focus on what I can to make my life better, which makes a better life for my children. I packed up two boxes of easter stuff for the kids and shipped them out, kids love that shit and it shows that I took the time to appreciate them and that I am thinking about them. Shelby and I will be getting tats together which ought to be hilarious and hopefully it wont be to painful as we both do not do well with physical pain but I am not backing out no matter what.
I do not know how girls can get their nipples and clits pierced because that would fucking hurt way to much and I think it isn’t attractive in the least but to each his own. Bob went out one day and came back with a tiger on his upper arm and it looked really cool but it would be way to big for my arm and wouldn’t look good, I prefer smaller more delicate looking artwork, some people get some pretty creepy shit tattooed on themselves and live to regret it so I am going to stick with something I really like.
We are visual creatures and we are attracted to beauty men and women both are attracted to physical appearance. I am not physically attractive as I have too much excess weight that I am having one hell of a time getting rid of do to menopause. People judge me because I am not thin or height/weight proportional and they do not take the time to know me before they judge me. I have what most people do not and never will because I am real, honest and a hell of a woman.
I have actually dated some very thin men who were secure enough not to be bothered by my weight and they were proud to be with me because I am so real and have so much personality. Personality was what makes a person along with what they have in their heart of hearts. Would you rather be with someone who was pretty and used you or someone who had weight on them that can be worked off and that person cares for you and only you? Someone that want your happiness as much as their own and someone who doesn’t want to put their hand in your wallet at every turn?
I can lose my weight and I will with summer coming and the weather is a motivator to change my health and weight. I am a very sexy and sensual woman who is comfortable with herself, no I do not like the weight but that can be changed but an ugly personality is permanent. I want to get as good as I give from someone and I want to love and be loved just like everyone else. I have no doubt if I were 50 lbs. lighter I would be with the right person but I have decided if you do not love me now you will never love me.
It’s odd how we can fall in love with someone we never in a million years thought we would and how damn happy we can be with that person. My trip to Nigeria will show me that people can and do love you for you and nothing more and that is important to me. I could do like so many and get liposuction but that isn’t me, I do not believe in improving your looks with surgery and everyone I have ever seen that has had facial work done, it is so damn obvious and really not attractive one bit.
If a man chooses to judge me on my physical appearance then I do not want anything to do with him because that shows me he is shallow and more concerned with physical beauty then what really matters. I already know when I am with the right man I will lose the weight because he will be a motivator and someone who will work out with me and help me not hinder me. It’s nice to have your own cheering section and it helps one stay motivated.
I love wearing mens shirts because they are so comfortable and make me feel kind of naughty, lol. So much makes me feel naughty but the shirts really do it for me and I prefer to wear the man’s shirt then to have him wear it. I also like to wear men’s boxers but do not like boxers on men. I like men in boxer briefs or naked, preferable naked because I like the body naked, I like to admire it, touch it, play with it, massage it and feed it. I love men, men are fun and not so serious, usually.
I hate men that are stick in the muds with no adventurous side, no spiritual side, no sense of humor. I do not care if they are a model or a regular run of the mill type as long as they are real and dont use people. I’m looking for a guy that wants to work out with me and help me lose this unwanted weight, us menopausal mama’s have a hell of a time losing weight and we need a damn trainer! lol
People can be so jaded by what you have or who you are and they can only see what their mind’s eye wants or where they would like to live or drive. I have put an ad out there to meet someone and the guys I have been talking to ask me what I do for a living and I tell them I am a waitress and have been for 20 yrs. It seems to weed out those that are looking to get laid or the ones that want someone who has some “shit”. I have down played everything about myself and I am down to two guys that do not seem to care.
I know this is being deceitful but its the only way I know to meet people who aren’t interested in the big house and what they can get from me. I know it seems so shallow but what else can I do? I have been used over and over and I will not go down that path again, not now not ever. I am not looking for a meal ticket and I refuse to be someone else’s meal ticket either no matter what little I do have, someone always wants it. I’m not looking for anything long-term because I do not plan on living here to much longer.
I wake up with dark circles under my eyes and a terrible pain in my hip that hurts so damn bad I can hardly get out of bed and that is Michigan weather. I have arthritis in my hip or bursitis and this shit hurts, really hurts. The dark circles are partly from the treatments I am going through and I only have one more and I am through, finally. I bought some new shorts for my trip and I love them, they have a silky feeling against my bare ass but maybe I should put on some panties because they turn me on so much, lol.
I am so damn sensual that even clothes get me excited and this is not such a good thing because I seem to get so turned on when I am in public and cannot do anything about it. Today will be another day of cleaning and straightening up and then off to the store to buy easter basket shit for the kids and mail them. I have decided not to see Ryan but I will send him an easter basket just the same. Big Rick and Lynn left for Florida this morning and I have no plans for Easter other than cleaning, how fucking boring.
Holidays used to be fun but not any longer and I really do not care if I sleep through a holiday because there is no one to share it with. I keep thinking back to when I was a child and had my horse and I have no idea why, other than I loved him so and had the best times riding by myself because it gave me a chance to get in tune with myself and nature. I haven’t ridden in so long I don’t think I could even get on a horse again but I so do love those creatures.
I have to take the boys in for a fitting of a harness because I have bought for different harnesses and none of them fit, they are all to big and now I am down to cat harnesses. Michael is such a pain in the ass because he likes to take off and run and Gabriel, well my sweet little Gabriel comes when I call him usually. Shelby says I baby him so but I can’t help myself because he is smaller and more compact and I just love to hold him and scratch his belly, he is always kissing me and both make me feel so loved.
When I come in the house they are waiting for me and so happy to see me and that makes my day, they make me smile all the time and they are just pure sweetness. Animals can tell you so much about a person and if your pets do not like the person you are with you can tell and you better pay attention because they can pick up on negative things about a person. I so love what they give me and I give them so much back and it makes life happy for me but then again I am happy lately, hey I’m baking cookies and shit, lmao.