When

I think of him I think of a smile that reaches his eyes and I think of placing my hand gently on his cheek, I think of running my hands through his hair and down his back and giving him a warm oil message as we talk. I think of making  him dinner and feeding him desert, listening to music and laughing. I think of getting totally silly and shoving an ice cream cone in his face and licking it off. I think of holding hand and jumping in mud puddles and chasing that damn rooster down and cooking him for dinner.

I think of quiet moments and being ourselves, putting on no airs, no pretending we are someone we are not, no lies, no bullshit just two friends talking and enjoying a day. I think of riding horses and going fishing and I think of making him laugh so hard he pees himself. I think of sharing a simple picnic lunch under a tree and I think of simplicity and ease of self, I think of moments that cannot be bought and I think of resting my head on his shoulder and him hugging me telling me everything will be ok.

I think of his moral support and I think of him being happy for a change because knowing that he isn’t happy upsets my world. I think of him, the man not the myth and surely not the legend and I think of how strange an unlikely pair we are. I think of him everyday and I pray for him every night, I pray for his health, safety, happiness, contentment and I pray for him to have peace within himself. I pray he finds true love and I pray that he finds himself once again.

This is how I know I love this man with every fiber of my being because I want nothing but happiness for this man, even if it does not include me. When you think of another’s happiness instead of your own then and only then do you really love that person. I wouldn’t care if he worked in a bakery and I wouldn’t care if he lived in a shack because I care for him and him alone and it is driving me insanely crazy to care for someone so much that I will never meet.

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