After Affects

I have been through quite a month physically and it has finally taken it’s toll on me, things that wouldn’t usually bother me really get on my last nerve because I am so fucking tired. I am not used to being this tired and I am not used to not being able to do things myself and get things done. I cannot even sweep the kitchen floor without sitting down and taking a long break, that is how damn exhausted I am. My dr. has told me I will feel like this for about a month or so afterward.

I didn’t realize I would be this damn tired and continue to feel like this during my trip and I do so hope it doesn’t ruin my vacation. I do not drink often and I was planning on having a few tequila nights but it doesn’t look like it is going to happen. I like semi sweet wines and I had a half of glass the other night and wow it knocked me for a loop and I had to put my drunk ass to bed, the dr. told me no drinking but of course I had to push the envelope and I learned my lesson.

I get drunk super easy because I drink so rarely so I must keep myself in check or I will end up drunk and puking and that isn’t pretty. My trip cannot come soon enough for me because I really need to relax and rest. Frankie has me all fucked up wanting me to spend one night in Lagos and then going to Asaba, doesn’t make sense to me but Frankie doesn’t make sense quite a bit to me. We talked today and I had a very difficult time understanding him because the connection wasn’t the best.

I am so looking forward to meeting Ms. Kimberly and I smile everytime I think of her and he tells me some of the shit she does, lol. She sounds like quite the handful and I love when kids are like that but I do like to be able to give them back to their parents because I just do not have the energy I once had. Kids are great fun and they always say and do the darnest things but they require so much energy that I do not look forward to taking care of my grandchildren because I know I cannot keep up with them, that is when they are born.

I get on with kids really well because I can relate to what they are going through or what they have experienced and they appreciate an adult that treats them as an equal instead of a kid. All kids want is someone who listens, understands and who can relate without belittling them and making them feel inferior. I think of my Bess when I talk of young kids and I try not to but I cannot help it especially this time of year because this is the week I lost her to a miscarriage.

Well, this one is wiped and trying to hang on for a bit longer but I do believe sleep is taking over, I usually am in bed by nine, I know I am an old lady but I need so much sleep, like ten hours and I do not understand how others can operate on 4-5 hrs. I guess I have turned into a stick in the mud but that is ok because I am getting on alright. Life is getting better each and everyday and I am thankful for what I have and where I am at and I am obviously headed in the right direction.

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