To Finally Realize

You have pursued me for years, once you saw me on p.o.f. you have continued to follow me, make mean and hateful remarks about how I have raised my son, you have pretended to be my friend on fb and you have fucked with me on dating sites and I have had it. You had to make sure I knew who the great and late Bati is and frankly I do not give a fuck because you are so full of yourself you make me want to puke.

I have tried to be your friend but I can see you are not capable of understanding what a real friend is, you must enjoy being used and played because that is how your entire life has been. You buy people and possessions but you will never buy me, not that you want to but you sure went out of your way to make your fame known. You do not live in a real world with real people, you surround yourself with users and losers that benefit from who you once were.

I no longer wish to know you or ever meet you, o that’s right I’m not good enough for you, right? Why don’t you try not capitalizing on your once fame, try being a real person for a change and do it with someone who is real if you can handle a real person. I so wanted to meet the real you but I can see you do not know who the fuck you really are without your fame. I used to feel sorry for you Gabriel but now I feel nothing for you at all and it’s time to part ways forever because I am sick of your games and bullshit.

You think I am so fucking stupid I do not know you have recorded your little faggot and play the video pretending to be him, I find it sickening when you act as if you are a bisexual and maybe you are but I do not have any interest in knowing some guy that sucks and fucks other men. It goes against my personal beliefs and morals but obviously you will do anything or say anything for attention.

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The Flood

I am such an asshole for not listening to my astrological chart as I was warned about flooding in my home. Sure as shit the damn sump pump went out and the new carpeting is fucking ruined. I have been through this shit on two other occasions and it sux as I just got home from an 18 hr. flight from Nigeria and I am welcomed to this shit. I have a company coming over to change the pump because I just cannot lift the damn thing.

I hate being so damn responsible for everything and just once, just one damn time I wish someone else would take the wheel and give me a break. I am so exhausted from that trip and I am definitely writing a note to self: Self, next time you feel you need to find yourself stay the fuck off planes going to third world countries and become zen like in your own damn backyard.

I found some answers in Nigeria that I really needed and I am finally closing the chapters of the book that has held me back for so long. I have good friends there but nothing more and the one I have had emotions for I have decided to just cut lose as we will never meet and he is an asshole anyway. He now claims to be bisexual, good for him but I am not interested in any guy who is fucking or being fucked by another guy.

I do not want him contacting me anymore pretending to be my friend on my fb or wanting to see me happy because its all bullshit and he needs to move on with his life and forget about me as I am forgetting him. I don’t care who the fuck he is or what he has because an asshole is still an asshole no matter if they are wealthy and famous. His wife was once so pretty but the picture that I have seen of her lately, well let’s just say over processed hair and eye surgery didn’t do her any good at all, quite the opposite.

I can totally understand why his marriage went south and why he never will be happy but that isn’t my problem just his and I am going to go back on the dating sites and see how many scammers will hit on me and possibly, just maybe if I am super fucking lucky I will meet a real man for a change, no players and no bullshitters, just real men with real emotions and are real.

Silence Blinds

We are such visual human beings as we judge by sight, by what we see when we let ourselves become blinded by the silence of others is when we cannot see what is really hurting them or has them upset. We are blinded by the silence of our children because we do not look beyond their silence to see their pain.

People are so absorbed with their own lives they can only feel what is in their hearts and they do not offer to lend a hand to anyone else. This is such a selfish world, greedy world with so much hate and envy and people no longer love thy neighbor but instead covet they neighbors wife.

We spend our lives working and building up our stash of riches and all along life is passing us by and the best things in front of us we do not see. I will never be wealthy or marry into wealth which doesn’t bother me one bit because I am about emotions and giving, not taking and being self centered or greedy.

I have so much to give to the right person but I will continue to move in a positive direction and if you want to be part of my humble life you have to either open yourself up or catch up because I wait for no one as life refuses to wait for little ole me.

I So

I so wish I knew what was going through that silly head of yours, you are such an ignima you are. Do you want to see me happy? THen make me happy Gabriel, you can do that just by standing in front of me and being your fucked up self. SO many think you are so great but you are just a man with God’s hand leading you this far in your life, yet if you notice he made you a wealthy man in the pocket but a very poor man in the art of love, let me show you happiness and you show me the same.

Don’t

you wish I was sucking your dick right now? LMAO you could never pay me enough you
sick fuck, creeper go creep on someone else you are so fucking twisted and a stalker, does it make you feel like a man to stalk me what’s wrong isn’t your money green enough for your groupie bitches, you have to fuck with a fat old lady instead?

You will never meet me so go the fuck away will you already?

Do Me

A favor, ya you the one reading this go get a big mirror and stand in front of it and you will see your head up your ass, insert to fingers and pull your fucking head out of your ass you damn fool.

My name is not kimmini as you had changed it on my mini laptop, what the fuck is up with your twisted brain anyway. R you so fucking bored that fucking with me is your entertainment?
I hope you realize this is not normal behavior for a person especially someone of your standing in life. Go on now and find someone to make your silly ass smile and laugh, go be happy you fuck.

Creeper

Why do you follow my every move? Do you have any idea how creepy you r? What is it you want from me? I have nothing and you know it so go away, shoo like a fly and quit creepin on me.

What’s wrong, being rich getting boring to you, cant find any entertainment with all that cash? Must be hard having everything you want and you r still bored to fucking tears.

You could have any woman you wanted so go get yourself one that makes you happy, o that’s right you live in a plastic world with plastic people that have no character and all they want is to suck your polo ponies cock for you.

My world is the real world and you couldn’t handle me and my life if you tried because unfortunately for you, you have turned into a plastic too. Do you get off on my misery, suffering and loneliness?

Nothing New

I have some wonderful Nigerian friends but no lovers as I suspected on my flight here. I literally cannot breathe in this country and I am seriously wheezing and feel like I am drowning in my phlegm.

I am cutting my trip short and going home on Monday because I have done nothing but sit in a hotel room with air conditioning so I can breathe. I am bored out of my mind and cannot wait to go home so I can function normally again.

I feel sad but do not know why and my guilt for leaving Ryan has consumed me, so I must go home and see my son as he needs me so. I felt so bad last night I did not call him because I didn’t want him to hear me wheezing and fighting for my own breath.

Life can be so funny sometimes as we get lost in who we are and the uncertainty of our futures or where we are headed. I am so sad and really have no reason to be and do not know why at this time.

When you feel for someone and never meet them it hurts, it makes me feel like shit as if I am not good enough but know I am more than good enough because of the type of person that I am.

I will never meet “him” and have to put him to asleep forever and keep him out of my life so I can let someone else in to love me and share my life with. Waiting for him is futile and stupid and I have been such an ass allowing myself to have feelings for someone that is no one in my life.

Uncomfortable

I am so uncomfortable with myself and I hate this feeling, uncomfortable in my skin, in my clothes, in my standing in life. It’s been such a strange day, such sadness and loss, such emptiness and out of sorts.

It has been a fucked up day as I remember Bob and our life together, our marriage was a waste of two lost souls that came together to protect each other, but never to love each other as husband and wife.

I was a good wife to my husband as I always took care of his wants and needs, cooking meals of his liking, forgetting my own. Always trying to make him happy but never could give him what he needed.will

Bob had his own demons that tortured him for years, those bastards followed him home from Vietnam and never left his side. He was not a happy person and never would be for the wounds of youth wore on him like a traditional head dress.

People think I have such a perfect life, such a happy life but I do not have either and happiness only comes to me when I do for others, when I feel loved and love but there is no love in my life, not now-not ever.

So many women wish to marry a rich and successful man, they do not care if love is real or bought just as long as they can rub elbows with the infamous. This does nothing for me but present a new set of challenges and problems that I wish not to be bothered with.

All I wish for is to be loved for myself and to have someone except me exactly the way I am without wanting to change me, rearrange me, steal from, lie to me and cheat on me.

I never meet a man like that and my life will always be so damn empty and lonely. K Sara Sara