I made it to Nigeria and threw customs which took quite a while and Frankie was good to his word and picked me up. Nigeria is all that I expected and then some as I see much love of God in this country and the people are very spiritual. Today was a difficult day being Bob’s birthday and yes I have cried on and off.
Frankie’s family is much to kind and they want to wait on me hand and foot but I refuse to let them. His sister has 4 of the cutest kids and Kimberly is just a doll face. The kids enjoyed the bubbles and candy and it was fun just to watch them enjoy themselves, so carefree and child like as they should be.
Children have a way of making you smile through your tears and they have a way of reminding you that life shouldn’t be so serious and to hear them laugh did my heart good. The only complaint I have is with my body of course as my feet are super swollen and my ankles are swollen as well.
I cannot put on shoes and the burning is annoying but I think the swelling will go down soon enough or so I hope. It looks like Frankie and I are going to drive to Asaba which is fine with me as I will see the countryside and that is why I am here. I did not come looking for an “easy vacation” I came looking for myself and maybe I will find the inner peace that I have somehow lost in these last two weeks.
I cannot take anymore letdowns or disappointments and I just need to find some peace and enjoy my time away. I hope the answers I need are finally forth coming and the love I need so badly shows itself but I do not expect that to happen as I have finally lost all faith in the man I love.
I do not expect to meet him now or ever and I must let go so my heart can heal and I can live again. Bob’s death has really hit me hard and I feel so bad that I wasn’t home to put flowers on his grave. I won’t be there for the second anniversary death either and that bothers me but it is life, now isn’t it?