I am so uncomfortable with myself and I hate this feeling, uncomfortable in my skin, in my clothes, in my standing in life. It’s been such a strange day, such sadness and loss, such emptiness and out of sorts.

It has been a fucked up day as I remember Bob and our life together, our marriage was a waste of two lost souls that came together to protect each other, but never to love each other as husband and wife.

I was a good wife to my husband as I always took care of his wants and needs, cooking meals of his liking, forgetting my own. Always trying to make him happy but never could give him what he needed.will

Bob had his own demons that tortured him for years, those bastards followed him home from Vietnam and never left his side. He was not a happy person and never would be for the wounds of youth wore on him like a traditional head dress.

People think I have such a perfect life, such a happy life but I do not have either and happiness only comes to me when I do for others, when I feel loved and love but there is no love in my life, not now-not ever.

So many women wish to marry a rich and successful man, they do not care if love is real or bought just as long as they can rub elbows with the infamous. This does nothing for me but present a new set of challenges and problems that I wish not to be bothered with.

All I wish for is to be loved for myself and to have someone except me exactly the way I am without wanting to change me, rearrange me, steal from, lie to me and cheat on me.

I never meet a man like that and my life will always be so damn empty and lonely. K Sara Sara

To B Somber

The sky is overcast and it is a quiet morning in my soul as I think of my once husband who is now in another plane of existence. I know my marriage sucked but I will always think of my husband and miss him as any woman should. We live our lives with others that take so much from us but the little they give back is so damn precious.

He was there when no one else was and he tried to soothe my broken heart but he didn’t have what I needed and still do. I miss him even though he drove me crazy at times and I cannot bare the pain my children feel for the loss of this man. The heart in my chest weeps, always weeping and do not feel strong to carry on.

I need someone to lean on so desperately