I am so uncomfortable with myself and I hate this feeling, uncomfortable in my skin, in my clothes, in my standing in life. It’s been such a strange day, such sadness and loss, such emptiness and out of sorts.
It has been a fucked up day as I remember Bob and our life together, our marriage was a waste of two lost souls that came together to protect each other, but never to love each other as husband and wife.
I was a good wife to my husband as I always took care of his wants and needs, cooking meals of his liking, forgetting my own. Always trying to make him happy but never could give him what he needed.will
Bob had his own demons that tortured him for years, those bastards followed him home from Vietnam and never left his side. He was not a happy person and never would be for the wounds of youth wore on him like a traditional head dress.
People think I have such a perfect life, such a happy life but I do not have either and happiness only comes to me when I do for others, when I feel loved and love but there is no love in my life, not now-not ever.
So many women wish to marry a rich and successful man, they do not care if love is real or bought just as long as they can rub elbows with the infamous. This does nothing for me but present a new set of challenges and problems that I wish not to be bothered with.
All I wish for is to be loved for myself and to have someone except me exactly the way I am without wanting to change me, rearrange me, steal from, lie to me and cheat on me.
I never meet a man like that and my life will always be so damn empty and lonely. K Sara Sara