When I close my eyes I see nothing but beauty, nothing but a rainbow and I feel nothing but peace because I have no life regrets, just a series of lessons that have taught me well and some lessons I continue to learn bit by bit. The loneliness can be as bitter as a winter’s day in the Alps and the sadness can consume me at times. I have tried to live a good life, being a good, loving and kind person but even I cannot be angelic, even I can feel deep anger and resentment.
I am like everyone else, seeking love, understanding and acceptance and I find this world is unacceptable if you do not conform to others ideals. The world has molded us into what should be pretty, what should be acceptable, what should be desired, but all the hype is nothing but a figment that the media shoves down our throats and distorts our minds to accept and what to reject. Beauty is measured by makeup and tight bodies, love is sold through the illusion of sex and we are manipulated into believing the wealthy have the best of lives.
The world shuns the mentally ill, handicapped and undesirables because we are taught to turn our backs on those that need the most from us. No one is perfect but perfection is always being sought and beauty, well beauty is sold in bottles on the shelves of Walmart. The days of caring and consideration of others is long gone and the city life is what we are taught to crave, not the country where life really begins, where we can know ourselves, where we can grow and live the “good life”.
The “good life” to me is so simple, so pure and unadulterated as it is waking in the morning to cool, crisp sheets, singing birds and nature awakening. The world has taught us the more we have the more we want and we no longer are happy and content with the little things until life flushes us down the sewer of life and we realize we need to go home again. We fool ourselves into believing we are safe behind locked doors and those that love us are real but the truth is people only love what they covet.
I so dislike this world and the people in it, the self absorbed, selfish and self centered, the players, manipulators and liars. People are so afraid of making change they stay in situations that suck the life out of them because being with someone who gives us nothing means more to us than letting that person go and finding what we really need. People hold on so tight that they literally squeeze the life out of their relationships and then things begin to get ugly.
People become enraged and angry at each other and do not communicate, no it is so much easier to bitch about all the small shit instead of dealing with the big stuff that is stifling their relationship. People stay because they fear being alone, they fear they will never find true love and they fear striking out on their own. Some people would rather be stalkers, creepers and sneaky fucks instead of being a stand up person and finding the answers to the questions that plague their lives.