From The Moment

From the moment I saw your picture I felt a pull, a connection like I had never felt as if you were a magnet drawing me in and refusing to let me go. Why me? Why have you done this to me? Why do you play with my emotions? You know I cry so much over you and have for years. You are the only man that has ever made me feel not good enough, not enough of anything and I hate the feeling, you are an arrogant man and you know it, you think you are all any woman would ever want and you can have anyone you choose. This all may be true but you are the saddest person I have ever run across and it does not give me any comfort to know this, I have tried to be your friend but it appears my friendship means nothing to you, you fear me like the plague, is it my strength? Is it my openness? Is it me as I am? What is it you expect from me? You hide behind false names and pictures, you hide behind fake videos and gay or bi men and if you want to push me away fine, keep pushing but you will one day wish you had not been this way. You fear me because I will tell you the truth and you are not willing to accept what the truth is, you spend your time with fake people and may say to yourself “fuck her, what does she know” but I know more than you may think and I know your heart is very sad and you are not happy. You hang on to relationships hoping they will give you what you need so desperately and you may fuck a million women around the world but there is only one woman for you and you damn well know it. I will be gone before you know and then what will you do? How will you fill your time and your mind? I am not drawn to your pretty boy appearance, no it’s something more that is unexplainable and I have yet to answer the question why you and only God knows why. Maybe you came into my life to be reminded how the other half really lives, I have no idea but it hurts and I wish you would go away because you will never meet me and this is a torture that is slowly killing me, but do you care? I think not…………..

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