When It’s Over

When my life comes to its finality I hope I have made a difference in at least one person’s life, I hope I have touched at least someone in a special way and I hope I have made at least one person smile. I get so much joy out of making others smile, laugh and be silly with me and it’s at these moments that I am thankful that I have lived life the way I have. I am so non perfect but my heart is huge and the love I have to give is real, I am in no way fake or try to impress anyone.

I am ok with being alone even though it is not something I enjoy but it is the way of my life and I do not see that changing anytime soon. I am a very picky person as far as my friends and if you cannot be my friend you can never be my lover. I have learned the importance of life through numerous losses, empty and lonely days and nights and sadness that occasionally prevails. The smile on my face doesn’t come from man, it comes from my dogs who love me no matter what I have or look like.

As I get older I find it harder and harder to meet anyone that does anything for me, that makes my clock tick faster, that makes me feel worthy and excited but I do know one day there will be the one that is my better half and he will change my life when the time is right. I am not special but different and I like myself for who I am and yes at times I could kick myself in the ass for being stupid, doing stupid things and saying stupid things as well. My honesty is my downfall and being open gets me into trouble so much but I prefer being me to being someone I am not.

I can only be me and the best I can be, nothing more and nothing less yet I have met nothing but users and losers in my lifetime. I do not ask for much in another, honesty, truth, intelligent conversation, caring but these traits are from another time and most do not have them. People are all about themselves these days and it saddens me the world is the way it is today, so much hate, anger and greed and you never see anyone holding hands or helping others.

People move to fast, talk to fast, eat to fast, drive to fast and live their lives way to fast, they do not get satisfaction from the little things that mean so much in life. I want to see the world a better place and I do hope I leave a positive mark somewhere in this world before I move on. No matter how much I give I seem to get so little in return if any return at all and there must be a reason for this but I shall never know it. I hope to be so happy one day that the tears from my eyes are happy ones instead of sad.


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