I think the biggest personal failure that we beat ourselves up for is the failure of a marriage, we marry with a lifelong relationship in mind. What we do not for see is that we change and grow as individuals which usually leads to growing apart. The man usually gets so wrapped up in his career or job that his family life is taken for granted and emotional needs are no longer being met. The woman produces the children and gets so caught up in raising her children that she is to tired for sex, to tired for conversation and the relationship ends up on the back burner.
People do not know how to get back to the “two people one person” mentality and they start looking elsewhere for happiness, they think there is someone out there that will make them happy and then the cheating and lieing begins. Women as much as men but the woman fails to see it is her focus on her kids and not her husband is where the problem lies, yes as a woman my children did come before my husband because they needed me to raise them and he lost interest in the family unit.
I was very matter a fact about my divorce and I knew that I could no longer live in a loveless, sexless marriage and so I filed but I didn’t see how evil my husband could be until it hit him that I was gone. I had been gone mentally for years because of all of his lies and the biggest lie was how many times he had been married and how many kids. This is not how to start a relationship but he was all about material shit and I had it and he had lost all of his in his second divorce.
We feel like a failure when our marriage is over but the truth is we are not a failure, it’s just the end of that chapter in our lives and we should never carry that anger forward to a new relationship. We go through so many stages and yes a divorce is a death and we do grieve it. We do a lot of stupid things trying to regain our self respect and making our x jealous is one of those stupid things. We waste time trying to show them what they have lost when we should be rebuilding ourselves and realize that we are good people and sometimes we are better off alone than with our x.
We tend to want another relationship as quickly as possible but what we end up doing is using people as stepping stones until we find that one person that makes us feel alive again, desirable again. We do not mean to hurt other people but we do as we are finding ourselves. Then the fear sets in, the fear of being alone the rest of our lives and we either date a bunch of people or we stay with one that satisfies us but doesn’t make our heart flutter. If you find one person that you think of constantly, want to be with and they keep your mind distracted then that is a person you should be with and find out what is this all about, what is going on here and why you feel the way you do about that person.
There are some of us that have been hurt so damn deeply we are afraid to try again and we go through life always wondering what could have been, should have been or what might have been. We are so afraid of getting hurt again that we fear taking that leap of faith and that is where we make the biggest mistakes of our lives. I am so ready to move on and yes I am trying to find that special one and no it is not easy but I have to try and I have met someone online that I find interesting but my luck he will be another scammer.