The Most


The thing I miss the most is the touch of a man, his hands sliding over my face,neck and body-that sensual touch as his hands glide over my breasts and nipples barely touching them. That is exciting to me because it builds the anticipation and I actually get a slight pain in my groin from the burst of blood to the sex organs. The thought of touching a man makes me think of touching his face, running my thumb over his lips, down his neck to his chest and groin.

Photo on 5-15-13 at 8.50 AM #3

I love the feel of a hard man there is something so masculine about a hard on and I get so turned on thinking about it. Kissing him slowly and moving to his ears and neck gets me hot just thinking about it. I love to feel a man’s body and I love to kiss his lower stomach and around his cock. I never go down on a guy, I take my time and build up his excitement as I fondle and play, lick and tug and slowly take his entirety into my mouth. I so love sex and I don’t know how much longer I can go without it.

I want to be sitting on him rubbing my wetness on him as I kiss him and slowly sit on his manhood, slowly working his cock into my tightness up and down very slowly until I am sitting on him and riding him gently at first and then to a feverish pitch until we both explode and are covered in sweat. I fall of him and lie next to him as he takes my hand and we both start laughing. That is the kind of sex I love and want so damn bad I could go crazy at anytime without it.


Not Again

Shelby and I are watching tv and wouldn’t you know this asswipe is wearing a flo green tie, how ugly is that? Why do men not learn to dress themselves without trying to make a statement? Ok, when you take a woman out for the first time you do not ask her if she is kinky in bed, a dominatrix or how much she likes sex. Some men are just assholes and asking those type of questions shows you are only out to get laid and I have no use for people like that. You do not take a woman to a restaurant and order her a duck embryo either.

Men can be such assholes with no class and that is why I do not date because I cannot stand the games and stupidity so that is why I will be alone until I die. I just wish I could meet someone and there be an instant attraction, an interest, fun and laughter. I so wish I could just bypass the bullshit stage and move right into the fun stage but life isn’t that easy and everyone wants to fuck first and find out about you later which is so damn reverse. If I met the right guy I would jump him the first opportunity if the chemistry was right, I know that is sluttish but damn it’s been so long since I felt anything long and hard I’m looking at the damn salami’s in the grocery.

I love to have my breasts touched and my nipples slightly pinched as it excites me and I am not afraid to tell the man I am with what I like and what I need. I think it’s so important to have a great sexual life with someone and it’s on the top of my list. A great sexual relationship is at the top of my list because I am so sexual and I so love to lavish a man’s body with my hands, fingers, lips and whatever else we choose to bring into the bedroom. Most women lose their sex drive after 40 but mine is through the roof at 53.

My daughter says I do not look my age and others tell me the same thing but here I sit alone night after night so I guess I’m not that desirable to anyone. People fantasize about me when they read my blog but those are fantasies that have never been lived out even though I so wish I could with the man I fantasize about daily. Some people are just not meant to meet I guess and maybe only learn from each other from a distance. The saddest thing is being attracted to someone you will never meet, never make an attempt to meet.

What’s Fair

Is it fair to have feelings for someone who doesn’t give you the time of day and never will? Is it fair to have this person in your mind and heart and you cannot think of anyone else, do not want to be with anyone else and wait and wait for a day that will never come. Why do I do this to myself day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute? Why have I allowed myself to fall into a fantasy that is not satisfying and gives me nothing in return? Do I enjoy punishing myself or maybe I feel like I do not deserve better.

I feel as if I am walking in a meadow and he is riding the horse that keeps taking him back to the barn and he never moves closer to me, he reads every word I write or post on my fb but I do not know what this man is after. Does he like erotica and fantasy better than life itself? Is he in a relationship because he feels he must be there and not because he wants to? Is he so busy that he thinks life will wait for him? Is he going to surprise me one day and just show up? I doubt that he isn’t self-assured enough and to damn shy at times.

Photo on 5-15-13 at 8.50 AM #2

He’s a class clown and I can tell by his eyes, he has laughed a lot in his life and laughter is what moves him, he can be silly and crazy yet gentle and firm. I so wish I could meet him just once to see if what I am feeling is nothing but fantasy or is it reality? I feel as if I know him on a spiritual level and I have never felt this with another person and it’s quite an extraordinary and unfamiliar feeling. Why did you come into my life Big G? What is the purpose? Have I taught you anything? You have taught me a lot, rich doesn’t make happy, famous makes you unknown and life isn’t easier, in fact I think it’s harder.

I carry this little hope inside that one day we shall meet and become the great friends I think we are and yes I know I piss you off so much sometimes you could spit bullets, but you do have to admit to yourself that I am kind of zany, wild, insane, fun, silly, emotional female, not like anyone you have ever met. I have been told this by so many people as if I am a pink zebra. It’s ok to be different and unique and I love that about myself and wish you could see me in the flesh and see who I am.

Another Night

I woke up to it being to damn hot in the house and as usual I throw off the covers and throw them back on with my ass covered in striped panties hanging over the edge of the way to soft mattress. I wonder if I am going to wake up alone for the rest of my life and the thought is so damn depressing to me. I have been so let down in my life that I really no longer believe in this thing called love. I no longer believe it is attainable and I think back to yesterday when I was talking to someone on fb about getting married.

He has been engaged for two months and is talking about moving to Germany which is where she lives, I think this is nuts to move to another country to be with someone. After traveling to Nigeria I can say that I would not do anything for love, nope found that out right quick across the globe. I guess I am to “white” to turn my coat any other way and I could never marry a man of color or move to a third world country, nope never gonna happen with this chick.

Ive had the strangest experience for the last four or five years as I “met” two men online closely together and even their pics looked so much alike, one retired March 15, the others birthday is Mar 14 and the coincidences go on and on. I had to know if I was talking to one or two so I went to find out and yes it is definitely two different men. One I have become such good friends with over the years and the other, well he’s an odd duck to say the least as I do not know how or why he entered my life or for what purpose.

I know we shall never meet as I am the girl from the wrong side of the tracks and I am a poster child for having a life that has been quite colorful in a negative way. I think of this man everyday all day and I wish I didn’t because the wondering can make one bonkers at times. I do not know what his attraction is other than looking at my pics and reading what I right. Sometimes, I can kick out some pretty funny shit and sometimes I can write some pretty hot erotic stories.

I haven’t written any erotica in a while because I’m kind of feeling like I need to keep my fantasies to myself for a while longer. It’s hard having feelings for someone but you don’t know what you really feel because you have never spent anytime with that person. I have never been attracted to someone like this in my life and I wish I could meet him and see what the fuck this man has that attracts me so. He has a big head that looked great with long hair but since he has kept it short his eyes appear to big for his head as does his mouth, lol.

I would love to kiss those lips and lie my head on his chest as it looks so safe and comforting but that will never happen, nope not a chance in hell and I know this but I cannot let go for some fucking reason. I wish he were happy but unfortunately he isn’t as he travels the world and sleeps with who knows who he is with. He appears the type of guy that needs to be in a relationship but doesn’t know how to keep the girl once he gets her and he has to have his freedom, don’t try to run this guy ladies.

He’s very giving and loving, affectionate and sexual but he is drawn to the wrong type of woman or so it would appear. I wish he could see me as I am and not as he wished me to be because what’s in the box is so much better than the package but he will never give the likes of me a change, nope not good enough for him and maybe that is what happens when you start with nothing and jump to the top of the ladder. Your world changes and you never want to relive hard times again, financially anyway.

Sometimes, we think we know the type of person we want to be with and we date the same personality over and over and each time the relationship falls apart and then out of the blue, the person we never thought we would be interested turns our heads and we begin to rethink our plan of action, how we want to live our lives and the type of person we want to be with, the real person that is for us. I am unfortunately, not a woman who seems to be wanted by any man and that sux.