I woke up to it being to damn hot in the house and as usual I throw off the covers and throw them back on with my ass covered in striped panties hanging over the edge of the way to soft mattress. I wonder if I am going to wake up alone for the rest of my life and the thought is so damn depressing to me. I have been so let down in my life that I really no longer believe in this thing called love. I no longer believe it is attainable and I think back to yesterday when I was talking to someone on fb about getting married.
He has been engaged for two months and is talking about moving to Germany which is where she lives, I think this is nuts to move to another country to be with someone. After traveling to Nigeria I can say that I would not do anything for love, nope found that out right quick across the globe. I guess I am to “white” to turn my coat any other way and I could never marry a man of color or move to a third world country, nope never gonna happen with this chick.
Ive had the strangest experience for the last four or five years as I “met” two men online closely together and even their pics looked so much alike, one retired March 15, the others birthday is Mar 14 and the coincidences go on and on. I had to know if I was talking to one or two so I went to find out and yes it is definitely two different men. One I have become such good friends with over the years and the other, well he’s an odd duck to say the least as I do not know how or why he entered my life or for what purpose.
I know we shall never meet as I am the girl from the wrong side of the tracks and I am a poster child for having a life that has been quite colorful in a negative way. I think of this man everyday all day and I wish I didn’t because the wondering can make one bonkers at times. I do not know what his attraction is other than looking at my pics and reading what I right. Sometimes, I can kick out some pretty funny shit and sometimes I can write some pretty hot erotic stories.
I haven’t written any erotica in a while because I’m kind of feeling like I need to keep my fantasies to myself for a while longer. It’s hard having feelings for someone but you don’t know what you really feel because you have never spent anytime with that person. I have never been attracted to someone like this in my life and I wish I could meet him and see what the fuck this man has that attracts me so. He has a big head that looked great with long hair but since he has kept it short his eyes appear to big for his head as does his mouth, lol.
I would love to kiss those lips and lie my head on his chest as it looks so safe and comforting but that will never happen, nope not a chance in hell and I know this but I cannot let go for some fucking reason. I wish he were happy but unfortunately he isn’t as he travels the world and sleeps with who knows who he is with. He appears the type of guy that needs to be in a relationship but doesn’t know how to keep the girl once he gets her and he has to have his freedom, don’t try to run this guy ladies.
He’s very giving and loving, affectionate and sexual but he is drawn to the wrong type of woman or so it would appear. I wish he could see me as I am and not as he wished me to be because what’s in the box is so much better than the package but he will never give the likes of me a change, nope not good enough for him and maybe that is what happens when you start with nothing and jump to the top of the ladder. Your world changes and you never want to relive hard times again, financially anyway.
Sometimes, we think we know the type of person we want to be with and we date the same personality over and over and each time the relationship falls apart and then out of the blue, the person we never thought we would be interested turns our heads and we begin to rethink our plan of action, how we want to live our lives and the type of person we want to be with, the real person that is for us. I am unfortunately, not a woman who seems to be wanted by any man and that sux.