We picked up Ryan at 11 a.m. and headed back home which was a real let down for Ryan because it is so messy. He doesn’t realize how bad my back really is and he helped me clean the garage, moved boxes and helped around here. He doesn’t like it when he is in an unorganized area but he has seen why it is the way it is right now. He watched me throw shit away and pack shit so he now understands that the boxes are labeled and I pack shit accordingly.
It’s shit like this that kids learn by being at home and experiencing it and this is how you rebuild a family, box by box, garbage can by garbage can. I’m glad he can’t stand the mess because when we are finally done he will appreciate it and help keep it clean. Cleaning and organizing my life has been a strong pull for me and as we near the solar eclipse I find myself needing to get my family in order, my life straightened away and to rebuild the three of us.
I am so damn lonely but once again that has got to be put on the back burner as I focus on what is truly important in my life. I will rebuild my family with a firm foundation, love, understanding, giving and sharing. I plan on keeping the kids in the financial loop so they can see where the money goes. I can tell you it sure isn’t going out on me, I had my two weeks so the next two years will be devoted to family and maybe along the way I will meet someone who just clicks with me and then again maybe I won’t.
One day my life will fall into place like the last puzzle piece and I know with all of my heart that I will be happy with the one I am supposed to be with. I just have to keep moving forward and God will give me all I need when I need it. My faith waivers at times but then I have no choice but to grasp my dream to get through another day and no it isn’t easy but obviously necessary. One thing I have learned in my life is never stay in a situation that doesn’t make you happy, I mean silly, stupid happy because it’s not worth it, nope it is not.