12 Hours

So much can happen in a span of twelve hours, you can get married, divorced, have an accident, be born, die, graduate and in a span of twelve hour  your entire life as you know it can change so much. As I sat in the audience watching the kids graduate I clearly remember the morning I went into labor with my daughter. It was 3 a.m. when the first contraction hit and by 8 a.m. my husband called my doctor, which was a new dr. of two weeks because my original dr. had to leave the country as her mother was sick.

I was turned over to a new dr. and I saw him one time and that is when I started shaving because this dr. insisted his patients were shaved before birth. As the pains became 5 minutes apart Bob called my dr. again and discovered his brother had died the night before and I was without a dr. I went to the hospital and found out I was assigned to another dr. which was so damn lucky for me. He stayed with me and had an emergency c section room set up because Shelby’s heart rate kept dropping.

He gave me one last chance to push her out and I had no idea what the fuck I was doing as I had no “bare down” pressure and my dr. told me to act like I was taking a big dump and that is how Ms. Shelby came into this world with the cord wrapped around her neck. My dr. grabbed the court and he whipped it around three times to get it off her neck and there she was as beautiful and pink as a little piglet, no she had none of that white residue shit on her or blood, she looked like a little football.

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As I  sat and listened to the graduates and their honors I thought back to when she had graduated kindergarten and they gave the kids honors and trophies from wiping their noses properly to saying their a,b,c’s. Here I sat with my son big Rick, his sister and daughter and I remembered when she graduated from 8th grade. Then my mind jumped to the last few months and the preparation she was doing for college, here a child that was not planned bringing so much into this world.

It won’t be long before she is married and has a few kids of her own and it won’t be long before she starts to see what hell it is to be a parent at times. God gave me the privelage and honor of raising this child and I am so damn thankful because she is a light in my  life and I love her to pieces. Here she stands so beautiful, intelligent and sexy as hell and yes my daughter is sexy in her own quiet way that commands attention when she walks into a room.


Every woman should have a little black dress and bra for those special evenings and they are sexy. The black bra is really sexy or so in my opinion and I like the variety of black bras that I own but rarely wear because I just do not wear bras normally, lol. There’s just something that is so sensual and sexy about the black bra and for some reason a man is drawn to the bra and panties and removing both as soon as he can because he wants to get past the wrapper to the sweet.

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It doesn’t matter the angle you look at the bra, it’s just plain sexy, now don’t you agree?

Everyone’s Doing It

Plastic surgery, yep that is what everyone is doing because they have low self-esteem and they think by getting a chin implant, cheek implants, eyes done, neck done, boobs, ass and more will make them more appealing. Sorry to tell you folks it doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside if your personality sucks. You can always tell when someone has had work done because you stick out like a sore thumb, yes you do and some look ridiculous like Joan Rivers.

All the nipping and tucking in the world won’t make you happy, a new face, new boobs, ass ect. will not change your world. Now we have the weight loss surgery’s and yes losing weight makes you feel better and healthier but I have chosen to do it the right way, not surgery. I’m going through this personal transformation from top to bottom and weight loss in the game and I know I will feel so much better about myself when I lose my excess flap and I know I will be more attractive.

I do not like the way I look or feel and so I have decided to get off my dead ass and do something about it, like eat right and excersiz which I hate but am forcing myself to do. I guarantee you in six months I will be looking totally different and feeling so much better about who I am and my station in life. I hate wearing  clothes because they never fit right and I feel so damn “frumpy” and  I am an attractive woman to some degree but I want to be desirable which I obviously am not.

I have a pretty good personality or so I think and I don’t need anyone to help me survive in this world which is a huge plus on my side. I know to many women that sell themselves down the river just to have a man and no they are not happy but bitch constantly about their situation. My motto in life has become ” To be happy, do what makes you happy and fuck everyone else for a change”. I know that isn’t very nice but it’s the only I can move forward because I am to nice to most people.

I’m content right now but that isn’t really enjoying life but it is what it is because I cannot change it, only the man who has my attention can do that and he doesn’t have any desire to change my life let alone his own. He fears too much and there are to many unknowns to the equation for him to invest in. Without taking a leap of faith, getting your questions answered and finding relief finally you will always be unhappy to a degree and those questions will nag the fuck out of you for life.


I have the tv on everyday most of the day unless I’m listening to music and there is never a damn thing on tv that isn’t depressing or stupid. I have watched women being used to sell items like forever and there is a salad dressing ad on tv that has a guy in it. This guy is selling sex with his dressing and let me tell you the ad is an attention grabber and a damn ingenious marketing  tool. The guy is hot and the way the ad rips off his shirt and shows his ass makes me laugh.

I have no doubt that the ad will draw quite a bit of attention because the guy is hot, sexy and sensual. That’s it! He’s selling sensuality in a bottle, lol. Ry and I are sitting here relaxing after moving a bunch of shit and he has an eye exam in an hour. My son is so damn organized and he is making this clean up go so damn easy but I have to go through the shit and pitch what we will not be taking with us. My handyman is working out nicely and the carpet in the basement has been relaid.

People do not believe in astrology but I sure do and this eclipse is working in my favor by getting rid of the old and making room for the new, I am finally focused on getting my shit together and this house in order. We have four garbage cans that have been filled week after week for the last few months and the shit that I am throwing out should have been trashed long ago. Simplifying one’s life brings happiness because organization is the sane way to live life.

I’m finally down to the foyer and great room and some of the kitchen and my bedroom and then we are ready to sell! I will get most of this done this week because I want Ryan to come home and see how nice the house looks uncluttered and clean. I hate disorganization but I get so overwhelmed I have a hard time staying on track with so much but Ry has helped me stay in one room until it’s done instead of walking from room to room moving shit. I will be so happy when this house sells but I have noticed there are few homes for sale right now and it is a sellers market for sure.

To Text

I have a fb friend that I have been texting with but I think I’m going to stop because I feel as if I am bothering him and he’s just being polite. People can become so damn annoying by calling and texting and you do not feel like being bothered but you feel obligated to answer or to reply. I do not want to  be one of those people who someone doesn’t want to be bothered with so I am calling it quits, if he texts me I will respond but I will not be sending him any random texts.

I’m not big on texting and I like talking on the phone once in awhile but I find it to be a waste of time and texting is so impersonal. People use texting for dating, breaking up, bitching each other out and other stupid shit and I think people are relying to much on technology and not enough on the person of their desire. You cannot build a relationship online alone and eventually the two of you have to meet or one of you meets a local and gets involved, then the online shit usually stops because it is better to be with someone then holding a piece of technology in your hand with their words blaring at you.

I remember when letter writing was the only way you could afford to correspond with someone but those days are gone and here we are in the time of technology takeover. We need to be with people to build relationships or to tear them down and when two people are together is when you see the real person and you can tell when they are happy, sad, lieing ect. and that is the only way to build a relationship, face to face.

The Mist

This is a dismal morning as the spring mist falls lightly onto the ground, it’s a delicate, light mist and perfect for holding hands and walking in. The boys managed to get out and Gabriel came right back as usual and Michael, well that little fuck loves to be chased and he can run like the damn wind. Ryan went out and chased him for about 15 minutes and finally caught the little shit. I love my pets so much and I am such a huge animal lover as I sit here watching psycho Khloe run around the house at shadows.

I like this type of morning when I am with someone because that means we are naked, in bed relaxing and enjoying the sound of the rain. There’s something so soothing about the rain and it just feels so damn good to be lieing in bed listening to it. The rain is so calming to me but along with the rain comes so much damn pain to my joints and of course I can never wake up and just listen, no I have to go pee and then I run back and jump into bed under the covers, like a kid.

Well, the handyman is putting up the drop ceiling or I should say replacing the tiles and the carpet installer is on his way and yes we are getting shit done, finally! I no longer have a desire for a big house as it’s too much work and expense and it’s to damn hard to keep clean so I am downsizing. I would like a ranch with three bedrooms and I have no doubt I will purchase a home and have to have it remodeled to a certain point, I’m huge on a nice bathtub, bide, shower and I will have these in my new home.

I am simplifying my life and taking the stress off of my shoulders for an easier life and I am looking forward to moving and leaving the memories of this house behind, on the shelf to be visited occasionally but not allowing the memories to  rule my life as they once had done. June 3 is my wedding anniversary and once I am past that date it will be smooth sailing or so I do hope, I’m not ever going to forget my husband but the terrible memories have begun to fade which makes looking back easier.


Feels So Good

It feels so good to have my son home again and he is doing great so far, he has helped me so much already and all he asks in return is some homemade chocolate chip pancakes. So, yes I am going to make his favorite breakfast with Bob Evans link sausage. My son has been more than a handful for me but I am so hoping the time away from home makes him realize that I am important in his life and I do want him and love him. Kids do not see what parents see and parents do not see what kids see, unfortunately.

We think we know our children but the truth is we do not and the older they get the less we do know them. Yes we know there favorite foods and the things they like to do but we do not know what is in their hearts or heads and can only guess. We try to guide our children but sometimes we can be to damn pushy or giving and that isn’t help them one damn bit. Ryan has headphones on and he is watching some you tube vids and laughing, yes he is laughing and that is music to my ears.

The goal is to bring him home in July permanently and get him in school in the fall and God willing he makes friends and gets a girlfriend. I love to look over at Ry and see the smile on his face and hear his laughter, this is what is important in my life, my children’s happiness. It’s so damn hard to rebuild your family but that is what we must do and we have to leave the past behind us but it’s ok to walk memory lane and sometimes it is required to look back so we can move forward.