I Bet

I bet you are tired and looking forward to getting out on the course again to unwind and burn up some of that energy. I bet you are so attracted to me it is making you crazy and you cannot figure out how someone like me could be so damn appealing to you. I bet you have a comfy bed and nice shower on that bird you live in practically and I bet you are lonely as fuck even though you are constantly surrounded by people. I bet your ankle hurts when it rains and I bet you wish you were lieing next to me.

I bet you wonder what my hair smells like, my skin feels like, my lips taste like and how I am in bed and I bet you jack off fantasizing about an evening in bed with me. I bet your cock gets hard just looking at my picture and I think this is making you quite mad, lol. I bet there are days that you say to yourself that you are going to meet me and you take one step forward and then two steps back as you talk yourself out of it and I bet you get pissed off at yourself for not meeting me by now.

You my dear, have what is known as falling in love, really falling in love with someone as you read my words and you know my life better than anyone else and I am so damn real it scares the fuck out of you. Hon, you have lived within the wealthy circle since you were a young man and you have not struggled in so long that you find strength in my struggles. You will never find a woman like me because of the circle you live in and that is why you are so unhappy.

You live to impress everyone but you need to live to impress yourself, make yourself happy and do what feels right, what really feels right and you owe it to yourself to find the answers that are driving you completely batty. Can you not carve out enough time to be good to yourself for a change? You  have become to busy making money and supporting so many that you are running past your own life for the all mighty dollar, my dear when will there be enough money? Enough cars? Houses, ect? 

When are you going to enjoy your life and what you have worked so hard for? When are you going to get on your jet for a vacation without cameras, newspapers ect? When are you finally going to do what Gabe wants to do? You know what? I luv ya hon, yes somehow you have managed to grab my heart and I don’t have any idea how but I  luv ya, just not in love with you because well I would have to spend time with you and probably kick your ass a few times, hugs my dear.


We feel pain in so many ways but there is one pain that almost everyone experiences that is quite the same and that is a broken heart. The worse heartbreak I ever had was in high school, my first true love. Tony was tall, dark and handsome and he had silky brown hair to his shoulders. He totally mesmerized me the moment I saw him and our eyes locked on each other like homing pigeons. We were instantly attracted to each other and it was quite overwhelming.

I had to sneak around to see him and I fell so damn crazy in love it was sick. We broke up because I wouldn’t fuck him, typical teenage hormones going crazy and the break up devastated it so that I didn’t date again until I was a junior-we met when I was a freshman. I could confide in him and he was tall and made me feel so safe from the cruelty of the world but he had his own issues to deal with because his dad was in prison for selling arms as he was in the mafia.

Yes, the mafia really does exist and yes they did some wild shit and Tony’s dad was no exception and Tony and his sister lived with their step mom, brother and sister. Tony was a handful I have no doubt as he got involved in drugs shortly after we broke up and that opened a completely new world for him. We didn’t meet up again until after I graduated and he took me for a ride on his bike and showed me his apartment, which he was quite proud of. Tony was the love of my life and I so pray he isn’t the only love of my life as it wasn’t really love but puppy love.

I have yet to find a man who has made me feel like Tony did and maybe I am being unrealistic and stuck in a mindset that is no longer feasible. It’s hard when you have no male figure growing up as you do not know what you are really looking for. We gravitate to the opposite sex parent and that is where we get our likes and dislikes for the mate of our choice but when you do not have that then you kind of have to wing it, which sucks of course. So there you have it, why I’m attracted to tall men with long hair which is no longer the style of course.


It’s easy for us to become used to someone’s voice and some voices can be so damn annoying while others can be sultry and sexy. I’ve been told I have a deep, sultry, sexy voice and people ask me if I have always had such a deep voice. Shelby was born with my voice and her voice was so deep sometimes she was confused on the phone as Ryan. It’s so easy for me to do phone sex, which I haven’t done in eons but I find it to fun never the less and I think phone sex really builds a relationship.

People always complain about how dead their sex lives are and for the life of me I cannot see why people don’t open up and try new shit. I also believe that phone sex keeps things lively and exciting and it seems to fall in the kinky category. I do not think there is anything kinky or wrong with phone sex and self gratification and I think it builds a stronger bond between two people. When you are comfortable with yourself you can be daring and open without any problem.

I’ve had a few people try to get me to do internet sex, IM sex but that hasn’t happened in quite a while as well which is fine with me because net sex is just fucking stupid to me. Now for men, well hell they love that shit and they have no problem jacking off, unless they are a mama’s boy or have been taught that sex is something dirty. Men can jack off to a damn tampon commercial if they are horny enough but  if you want to keep a guy interested in you than you have to enjoy sex, be willing to experiment and keep him sexually satisfied, how hard can that be?

Barren Space

The first sign of a relationship going bad is the barren space between the two in bed. When we begin to see someone and we take it to the level of the bedroom, we cuddle, play, fuck, kiss until we fall asleep in each others arms. Then life sets in and the sex falls slowly to the wayside with the cuddling slowly diminishing. Then we move to the next step of letting the little things annoy us during the day and that transitions into the night and that my friend is called the “barren space”.

The barren space is the space between the two of you in bed, it’s that great divide that is on a do not cross list. You look at your wall and your partner looks at theirs as you drift off to sleep. You wonder why you stay in a situation that is less than pleasant and you look back at other relationships that have not worked out. You begin to think the situation you have ended up in is better than being alone and of course we all have been hurt before so that is just another reason to live a “stale” life.

If you’re a man you get deeper and deeper into porn and if you’re really stupid you fall for someone you will never meet, hence an online obsession. You think of that person constantly and your fantasies have basically destroyed your relationship but you stay because it’s comforting, safe and predictable. As we get older we become fearful and eventually evolve back into a child with child like fears and we either get sick of our lives and take a leap of faith or we stay in what is comforting but not fulfilling.

That barren space says it all and the more nights filled with it the weaker the link in the relationship that holds it together. We begin to say to ourselves “if things don’t change” and of course they never do even talking to your partner about the situation could lead to a change for a short period, the bottom line is people do not change. I think the biggest fear we have is failure and failing in any relationship is very difficult and sucks and it takes a part of us that must be rebuilt again with love and nurturing. But, can we open ourselves up again and trust again?