When my husband died I fell into a deeper depression than I was already as we were going through a divorce and got back together only to find out he had a month to live. I am still depressed but no where near where I used to be. I fell into one of the black holes of my life and I never thought I would ever feel again, love again or want to be with someone again but that phase has passed finally. It’s normal to fall into a depression when a relationship ends and it lasts approximately two years.
We try to get over the relationship the best way we know how, drinking, drugs, lovers, superficial relationships are all part of the healing process. Then one day we wake up and realize this isn’t what we want or how we want to live and we quit the drugs, drinking and we leave the shallow relationship that we have used to keep us afloat. The majority of the world believes that if they made ten percent more money they would be happy but that is bullshit because money doesn’t make happiness.
The only thing money does is give us stuff and after a while we get tired of the stuff and want something deeper and as human beings we need a connection with another person. What all of us want and need is a deep connection with another person and we thrive so when we have love in our lives. Everything is so much better, easier to deal with and more fulfilling when you are in love and the world doesn’t seem to be such a dismal place any longer. It doesn’t matter what you do for a living because all you think about is going home to the one you love.
You can always tell when someone is in love because they shine, they sparkle and they are so much “lighter” in their step, thoughts and actions. Being in love is a wonderful feeling and even this pea brain can remember how good it felt even though it’s been about 35 years since I was in love. I so look forward to falling in love again and one day it will happen but not today unfortunately for me but that’s ok because I believe God will bring to me the man who is meant for me in the time God sees fit.
My texting buddy has texted me once again and he says he is attracted to me but we have never met and he says he needs to get money together to come see me. My instant reaction was to tell him he could stay at my rv until it sold, if it sells but I have been burned so bad that I didn’t make the offer and besides I do not even know him. I want to meet him but I am not going to put myself out again to meet someone, they are going to have to come to me on their own time and dime.
When you are raised dirt poor and finally are able to work and bring in your income which is more than your friends you start to feel as if you should give and help those that don’t have as much as you and that is when your so called friends show their true colors. I can remember going out to dinner with friends and they expected me to pick up the tab because I made quite a bit more money than they did and that is when I was able to weed out the users from my real friends.
I have learned not to give so much to the wrong people and to keep my mouth shut when I really want to help someone because I have learned that helping people who wont help themselves is a waste. I am learning to be discriminative and only help those that really need it. I am a very proud person and it takes a lot for me to ask anyone for help because most people have an excuse why they can’t or won’t help you. I could marry a millionaire and still not take a dime from him because my issues are for me to take care of because I can even if it does take time.
When you are with someone for what they have then you are not with them at all as you focus on what you can benefit from the relationship. People want wealth and not do a damn thing for it and then they find out that money is nothing but dirty paper. I could never be involved with someone who I didn’t have an emotional tie with because that just isn’t me and I don’t care what they can buy me they can never buy my love and to me that means everything, really loving someone for themselves.