For You Stalker

To my stalker, you are sick and demented and need help desperately. I want nothing to do with you and would  prefer you find someone else to play your sick games with.

The following post is credited to

Types of Stalking

Stalkers usually fall into one of three groups: intimate partner stalkers, delusional stalkers and vengeful stalkers. Intimate partner stalkers are typically known as “the person who just can’t let go” of another person. Victims often describe them as “possessive” or “obsessive.” Delusional stalkers have little, if any, contact with their victims. They have a false belief that connects them to their victims. This type of stalker believes he/she is having a relationship with the victim, even though they may never have met. Vengeful stalkers become angry with their victims over some insult, real or imagined. They stalk to “get even.”

Relationship stalking occurs when a couple breaks up. It looks like and feels like stalking but is not in a legal sense. Obsessive stalking develops because of the way the couple interacted and the way they broke up.
Obsessional stalking is a psychological problem that has many causes but in general it is the result of an “on again” and “off again” relationship as was well as a “desire and fear of a relationship” in one person and “fear of separation and loss” in the other. The childhood of at least one of these people is usually emotionally barren or emotionally abusive.
Delusional stalking occurs when a mental disorder causes the person to become obsessed or fixated on some unsuspecting person because of what amounts to a medical condition. In some cases, a severe psychological obsession becomes delusional. The delusional stalker becomes irrational and fixated on people like movie stars, a public figure, a co-worker or even a former intimate relationship. They may have major mental illnesses like schizophrenia, manic-depression or erotomania. In erotomania, the stalker’s delusional belief is that the victim loves him/her. This type of stalker actually believes that she is having a relationship with her victim, even though they might never have met. Delusional stalkers have almost always come from a background which was either emotionally barren or severely abusive.
Rejected stalkers pursue their victims in order to reverse, correct, or avenge a rejection (e.g. divorce, separation, termination).[1] These are the various forms of rejected stalking: stalking following the end of a relationship; behavior brought about by the termination of a relationship. The most common is with a romantic partner. Stalkers who experienced ambivalent feelings about reconciliation and those who want revenge regarding their targets. The majority of stalkers suffered from personality disorders. These are significantly associated with telephone harassment.
Resentful stalkers pursue a vendetta because of a sense of grievance against the victims–motivated mainly by the desire to frighten and distress the victim.[1] Here are some examples: stalking meant to frighten victims; behaviors meant to distress and frighten their victims. Half of the resentful stalker act on grievances against specific people, while the others are generally disgruntled and chose targets at random. These stalkers were most likely to threaten their victims.
Intimate stalkers seek to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. Many of them are seeking a long-sought-after soul mate, and they were ‘meant’ to be together;[1] for example, stalking based on a desire for intimacy; and/or a desire for intimacy with someone that the stalkers had identified as their true love. They often become desperate to re-establish the dominance and control they wielded during the relationship. If they find this isn’t possible, they can become suicidal, homicidal or both. A few of these personality disorders, according to the National Victim Center include:

Socially maladjusted and inept
Emotionally immature
Often subject to feeling of powerlessness
Unable to succeed in relationship by socially acceptable means
Jealousy bordering paranoia
Extremely insecure about themselves
Often suffering from low self esteem

According to experts, intimate partner stalkers can be the most dangerous types of stalker because they often have a history of violence against their victim, know their victim well: their family, their place of employment, their recreational activities, and so forth. They know where to locate their victim at any given day and time. Researchers have now found that intimate partner stalking often follows a three-phase cycle.[3]

Phase One – The Tension Building Phase[3]
Includes making hundreds of telephone calls and sending dozens of letters, showing up wherever the victim is, casual surveillance of the victim, and following the victim wherever she/he goes which causes the tension to build.

Phase Two – The Violence Phase[3]
Often resort to violence against not only the victim but also the victim’s friends, family and often times co-workers. This can include angry face-to-face confrontations, physical assaults (including rape), kidnapping, and in extreme cases murder.

Phase Three – The Hearts and Flowers Phase[3]
Reverts back to the less violent tactics, and will often either beg forgiveness for the violence or appear to abandon the stalking altogether. The victim falsely believes that the nightmare is over, and consequently lets down his/her guard which can cause the victim to be caught unprepared and unprotected when the stalking suddenly begins again, often violently. This cycle of stalking is not uniform or predictable. Stalkers can move through the phases fairly rapidly, at times changing from being loving to brutal in only seconds. This cycle change may take years to move from one phase to another and some may never move out of the first phase.

Incompetent suitors, despite their poor social or courting skills, have a fixation for, or in some cases a sense of entitlement to an intimate relationship with those who have attracted their amorous interest. Their victims are most often already in a dating relationship with someone else; however, these types of stalkers lack social skills and knowledge of courtship rituals. They feel a sense of entitled to a relationship regardless of reciprocity. The incompetent suitors have often stalked previous suitors who became their victims.
Predatory stalkers spy on the victim in order to prepare and plan an attack–often sexual–on the victim.[1] These stalkers act in preparation for a sexual attack. They enjoyed the power inherent in their stalking behavior. They are predominantly diagnosed with paraphilias and are the most likely to have prior convictions for sexual offenses.
Vengeance/Terrorist stalkers do not, in contrast with some of the aforementioned types of stalkers, seek a personal relationship with their victims but rather force them to emit a certain response favorable to the stalker. Vengeance stalker’s motive is “to get even” with the other person whom he/she perceives has done some wrong to them (e.g., an employee who believes is fired without justification from their job by their superior). The political stalker intends to accomplish a political agenda, also using threats and intimidation to force his/her target to refrain and/or become involved in some particular activity, regardless of the victim’s consent.[1] Vengeful stalkers become angry with their victims over some insult, real or imagined. They stalk to “get even.”
Simple Obsession Stalkers are stalkers who suffer from personality disorders, including being emotionally immature, extremely jealous, insecure, low self-esteem and feelings of powerless without the relationship. They believe they must have a specific person back or they will not survive. The control the abusers exert over their partners gives them a feeling of power they can’t find elsewhere. They try to control every aspect of their partner’s lives. Their worst fear is losing people over whom they have controlled. They will become “nobodies” and in desperation they begin stalking, trying to regain their partner and the basis of their perceived power. It is this total dependence on their partner for identity and feelings of self-worth that makes these stalkers so very dangerous. They will often go to any length and stop at nothing to get their partner back. Their lives are truly not worth living. Along with becoming suicidal, Simple-Obsessions Stalkers also often want to kill the intimate partner who have left them.[3]
Love Obsession Stalkers are individuals who become obsessed with or fixed on a person with whom they have had no intimate or close relationship. Victims may be a friend, a business acquaintance, a person met only once, or even a complete stranger. They believe that a special, often mystical, relationship exists between them and their victims. These stalkers will often read sexual meanings into neutral responses from the victim. They are often loners with an emotional void in their lives. Many suffer from erotomania. They are totally convinced that the stalking victim loves them dearly and truly, and would return their affection except for some external influence. They have fantasized a complete relationship with the person they are stalking although such a relationship does not exist.[3]
Casual Acquaintance Stalker is minor as a casual interaction, such as a momentary conversation, a quick lunch together in a crowded restaurant, or a smile across a room. Stalkers often see any acts of kindness as a sign of the true love that they are convinced exists between them and their victims. Very little interaction is needed with a potential casual acquaintance stalker in order to trigger a long-term stalking episode. “A stalker knows if they can’t catch you at home, they can catch you at work.” Since these types of stalkers may not know where you live or work, they will revisit the place where they last encountered you.[3]
Stranger Stalking takes on a much more frightening feeling where the stalker is unknown to victim. Because the stalker is unknown to the victim, the victim has no idea who to be on the lookout for, who to be careful of or around, and who to speak to and who to avoid. With this type of stalker, the stress level most certainly is higher. Most experts will tell you that stranger stalking can be one of the most terrifying of all stalking situations as experts don’t know how to deal with it. Many times the victims of stranger stalking are simply selected at random. Oftentimes, the stalker is completely unknown to them, sometimes they are just nodding acquaintances, and/or sometimes they are individuals who have had chance encounters with the victim. Stranger stalking usually doesn’t end with the violence as many intimate partner’s stalking may have. Being stalked by a stranger can affect the way a person looks at others and at life in general. Victims of stranger stalking often feel they can no longer smile at or be friendly with strangers or casual acquaintances and come to question the meaning of smiles given by others. They stop being outgoing instead become standoffish and self-protective. The discovery of this type of stalker changes a victims entire life.[3]
Serial Stalkers are fixated on and possessed with only the victims, this often isn’t the case. Experts say that more than half of the stalkers in America have been involved in prior incidents of stalking. Psychiatrists cannot accurately predict when the behavior will stop or re-occur but they know that about two-thirds of those showing obsessive behavior have had prior episodes. They often find the victim has done nothing to trigger a stalker’s obsession with them.[3]

akai ito or unmei no akai ito

Hey sweetie, How long you going to keep playing mind games with yourself? Let your guard down just a bit and I will attempt to do the same. I am scared that you have no intention of having anything more than a fuck buddy relationship, which may only last one time. 

If you have no intention of the possibility of a relationship eventually between us then let’s just close the door and walk now. I want a relationship with someone that respects me as much as I respect them and not fuck around.

If that isnt the course you want your life to go down eventually then there is really nothing left to be said. Im a rare woman indeed and without trying to sound narcisistic you will never meet anyone that makes you feel the way I do. 



Why do you keep second guessing yourself? What are you afraid of, my rejection or my acceptance of you? You can keep reading my blog and listening to my podcasts but it will never get you any closer into my world. Wow, you really are quite insecure arent you? Or are you afraid that you might hurt me, unintentionally of course. Im a big girl and I can handle rejection my dear.

The one that denies akai ito or unmei no akai ito is denying happiness and if you continue to do so you shall never be happy now do you relly want to live yourlife that way??? Why do you deny yourself what is destined to be????

translated means the red string of fate is an East Asian belief originating from Chinese legend and is also used in Japanese legend. According to this myth, the gods tie a red cord around the ankles of those that are to meet one another in a certain situation or help each other in a certain way. Often, in Japanese culture, it is thought to be tied around the little finger. According to Chinese legend, the deity in charge of “the red thread” is believed to be Yuè Xià Lǎo, the old lunar matchmaker god who is also in charge of marriages. The two people connected by the red thread are destined lovers, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never break. This myth is similar to the Western concept of soulmates or a destined flame.

What keeps us from letting the red string of fate work for us? We let our fears and disappointment control us and we refuse to let fate work in our favor. There are people who are destined to be together regardless of the circumstances or distance, they eventually come together because they are meant to be together and not even they can deny what is in their hearts. It’s funny how people meet in the most unsuspecting places and how the connection is so strong they can never walk away from each other.

These individuals play and fight like children as they get so mad and walk away only to have the winds of change turn them around. They laugh at their sillyness and arguments and they do not view any disagreements as permanent breakers of the relationship. They tease each and make fun of each other but both know that what they have is to deep to be extracted even if they do date other people. They may skip through life with other people but those relationships never last because the pull of the red string is to strong for them to ignore.

They may attempt to deny their feelings and they may attempt to justify pushing the person away because they may be flawed in some way but they can never walk away even though they may try. When you meet the person that is at the other end of the red cord you just know it even though some chose to fight it out of fear. Fear of rejection, deception, pain that lingers from a lost relationship, these individuals refuse to believe what is before them because they have been so hurt and disappointed in the past.

Once these two individuals are together they cannot believe what a stroke of luck they have for meeting each other finally, the true love of their lives, the one they have been waiting for. They finally are able to put all the hurt behind them and move forward in their lives and they grow together as one. You cannot force this type of love and you cannot find it in just anyone as these two individuals will be together regardless of any road blocks and when they touch, the touch is electric like nothing they have ever felt or experienced.



We are attracted to people by their personality traits and our one on one relationships are based that way as well. I could be with the most gorgeous, well built man but if he doesn’t have the traits I am looking for then there will be no relationship. The type of man I look for is one that intelligent, funny, caring, will listen to me, willing to help me when I need it but let’s me help myself first.
I look for a man who will actually listen to me and give me good advice, someone who will hold me when I cry and kick me in the ass when I need it. You may say to yourself “she shouldn’t have a problem finding a man like that” but the truth is it isn’t that easy, not at all. I need a man who has charisma, drive, ambition but he will always be himself and share with me his troubles and problems as well.
I have been dating someone who I really like but that is all, I like him and I know we will never be more than we are because he doesn’t have that electricity I need to feel to be with someone on a deeper level. We haven’t had sex because I am not attracted to him enough to engage in sexual pleasures with him. We had a long talk last night and came to the conclusion that we are better off friends so we have parted as friends.
I so want to meet the man who has that electricity I need, the charisma and the laughter. I need someone who is fun and will be silly with me because when someone can let themselves go that is when you see the real person. So many try to impress but do not show themselves and that is such a turn off to me and most men want to get laid asap they do not care about you just getting in your pants.
I know one day I will meet the perfect person for me but until then I will continue to dream, hope and pray for that special one even if I look like a fool. I will never give up my hopes and dreams and I will never shut down when I meet someone who makes me smile. I am finally ready for a relationship that will be healthy and happy but it has taken a long time to drop all the baggage that has held me back.

The Broken Hearted

When someone breaks our heart they do more than just that as they break our spirit as well. We are no longer the same person and even our children see the change. Our children want to protect us and make everything better and they will do anything to see their parents happy again. My son’s heart has been broken for several years and when he lost his dad he lost himself.
We do not realize that our children become our guides and all they want is to love us, spend time with us and share themselves with us. We are broken and we try to fix ourselves with relationships that are not meaningful and our children want just us and not an intruder. We try to mend ourselves by bringing someone into our lives and we do not think about the effect that has on our children.
Children of a broken relationship give so much to us but we cannot see it for our own pain colors our world. My son is a teenager and I see the pain in his eyes, I see the loss, the emptiness and this is what happens to our children. They need us and only us to help color their world pretty again and people fool themselves and think it’s fine to bring someone new into their world but we are fools when we do that.
The loss of a relationship is devastating to our children more so than us as they lose the security they have always known and have to rely on. It’s so important to help our children rebuild as well as ourselves and we want to share our life with someone so bad we neglect to take a good look at our children and how the loss has affected them. Children lie really well and they tell us everything is fine when it isn’t fine, not one damn bit.
It takes time to heal and that includes our children and the biggest mistake we make is to bring someone into our children’s lives to soon. We need to heal somewhat first and then start over with someone else but we must remember to keep that person distant from our children for quite some time. Bringing another into the parent/child relationship to soon does more damage than we could ever imagine and our children need us and us alone for quite a while because they need to feel secure again.

Real Love

What does real love mean to you? Is it the gifts you receive or is it based on the bills someone else pays for you? Real love is self sacrificing, it’s when we do for others because we want to and we want them to be happy. Real love is doing the little things for someone else and it’s thinking about that person all of the time.

Real love doesn’t have a price tag and can never be bought, borrowed or stolen and when you feel it you just know it. When we are in real love we are able to look past another’s faults and short comings and we do not judge them so harshly. We accept the things that we do not like and we work at the relationship.

Real love is not sex as anyone can spread their legs for another but some people confuse real love with lust and filling their loneliness. Everyone wants love and everyone wants someone they can trust explicitly, someone they can confide in and bare their soul to without fear of rejection. Real love is caring for someone else without expectations, giving from the heart without fearing you will be used.

Real love is out there for each and every one of us but some of us have been so wounded that we fear letting anyone close to us. When love is a hurting thing is when we learn so much about our partner, the very person we trusted shows us a side we never knew existed even though it was always lurking in  the dark.

We get hurt and we draw back and into ourselves as we lick our wounds and try to carry on. Real love can be so painful that we shut down and do not let anyone else in. But then something magical happens as we mend our broken heart and we finally do let someone into our lives, someone who shows us that it’s ok to love again, to open up again, to share again our lives.

The worse thing we can do is not allow someone into our lives that makes us happy, someone who makes us laugh, someone who is willing to give us what we need. We deny people like this to enter our lives and it isn’t fair to ourselves as that one person could make our lives completely different, they could give us what we have needed for so long but our fear deny’s them and that is when we make the biggest mistake of our life as we live in denial of our feelings for another.

When we lose our partner we go through a period of time that we are alone and we do not want to be alone of course so we get into a relationship that only fills our hours but not our hearts. We try to suffocate our pain by spending time with someone new but deep down we know that we will never be fulfilled with this person.

We know that they are nothing more than a part of the healing process and one day we seem to wake up and say to ourselves “this is not what I really want , this is not fulfilling”. We begin to look elsewhere for the person we have waited for our entire lives our soulmate, the true love of our life and yes that person does exist.

That person could be in your life at this very moment but you are just to afraid to move forward, you fear being hurt again and you fear trusting again. That very person could hold the key to opening up your entire world but the fear of reaching for their hand is so strong that we pull back from the flame for fear of the fire.

I have realized that life is to short and if you meet someone you  really like, I mean really like well hell go for it because that person could disappear in a blink of an eye. There is someone out their that loves us even when we do not love ourselves and that one person, yes that one special person could show us how to be happy again, if only we would let them.

Banana Split


When we are attracted to someone after losing our mate we slip and slide as if we have stepped on a banana peel as we gain our footing and confidence we slowly build upon the relationship and we enjoy ourselves. Sex generally quickly enters the relationship and that makes us feel so good to know that we are sexually attractive. When we get on this type of high we cannot get enough of the other person and as we get to know them we begin to build a scenario in our minds.

We either say to ourselves “this person is fun and the sex is good so I will enjoy the ride” and then after some time the person begins to show their real colors and we see the things we do not particularly care for. It doesn’t take long before we realize this is “it” or this is just fun and we take it for what it is worth. We spend time with that person and as we absorb their compliments and the nice things they do for us we begin to wonder about the future of the relationship.

Women tend to tell a man that she loves him long before he says it and the truth is it isn’t love at all but the desire to seek security from the man. When a man tells you he loves you, you have to question if he means he really “loves” you or does he feel an obligation to say the words in return for you telling him you love him. When someone tells you they love you one of two things happens, you either feel very uncomfortable and dance around responding or you tell them you love them even if you do not mean it and if you mean it the other person will know it.

You spend time at each other’s home and slowly they leave their personal items with you such as a toothbrush, deodorant and then clothing starts to hang in your closet. Women do this especially because they assume that having her personal items in your home will somehow keep you from bringing another woman home or if you do the woman will see the items and realize you are in a committed relationship. Once the clothes start hanging in the closet is when it becomes difficult to make the split.

Once you reach the point that you are questioning the future is when you begin to think of either being with the person forever or breaking it off with them. This is emotional time as we go back and forth in our heads trying to figure out what to do with the relationship. Do you want to continue to “play” or do you want to find something more fulfilling? How do you end the relationship without hurting the person? Well, someone is going to be hurt regardless so you must expect that to bring about reactions that you do not want to deal with and would like to avoid at all costs.

You feel guilty for a while but that passes as well and every time your phone rings or you get a text you hope it is not from that person. This is all normal but heartbreak is still heartbreak and we always feel bad when we hurt someone, that is if we have any feelings at all for the person. It is hard to maintain a friendship with the person because you know they have deeper feelings for you and you do not feel the same way and do not want to lead them on. The best way to deal with a split is cut off all communication no matter how difficult it is because it actually helps both parties to heal and to resume their lives but if you have been together for a while then there is no doubt personal items of each other’s at each other’s home.


A Little Rain Must Fall

It has been raining, no actually pouring like crazy this past week and Mercury went retrograde on the 26th so what do you think has happened? Of course, by roof of 14 yrs. has decided to leak into my master bedroom and bath. I patched it but then later realized that the entire ceiling was no doubt damaged. I called a roofing company to tarp it before it rained yesterday and yes once again it poured but didn’t get into the house. The roofer went up into the attic and wouldn’t you know his leg went through my bedroom ceiling.


The insurance company is coming tomorrow morning to assess the damage and give the ok to repair the roof and ceiling. I felt bad for the guy because he said it was the first time he had gone through a ceiling, lol. I didn’t get mad or upset because once again good old Mercury is in her rare mode. She demands, repair, replace and redo for the next month so here I am repairing and replacing as she demands. Mercury is a lesson teacher in many ways as she teaches us to have patience and go with the flow or be upset and pissed for a month.

 She rules all types of communication, mechanical, large purchases and electronics so when she is retrograde expect to have mail get lost, we do not notice the “fine print” on contracts, things break down, miscommunication between individuals, large purchases generally must be returned as well as computer equipment, your car will have problems if there has been something going wrong it will show itself at this time. People should never break up because they will end up revisiting the relationship and who wants to revisit something they want to walk away from for good? I know when I want a relationship to end I definitely do not want to revisit and get back together. So I make sure the timing is right because I do not want to give anyone false hope of reuniting with them.

On a more positive note, Ryan is doing so much better but he still has his issues as all of us do but I think he will do better once school starts again. I am not going to put him back into a Catholic school because the principal picked on Ryan and that made things so much worse. He will go to public school which actually has so much more to offer him and I think he will do better and gain friends. He’s a good person which has been through hell and back and his dad has left some pretty deep wounds on Ryan and I can do nothing about those wounds.

Our children never show us what really hurts them and they hide it rather well pretending that all is good but the truth is as a parent that would not engage with Ryan, Bob really made Ry feel inferior and unloved. Bob had all the time in the world to change this but he just wouldn’t so Ry has to live with what feels like being unloved by his own father. Children want their parents to be happy and they will lie to us and say they like our new gf or bf when the truth is they do not want that individual around because they need and want that one on one with us.

Children do not want a “stranger” in their lives and yes that is what happens when people die or divorce, they meet someone knew and bring them into their children’s life without looking deeper into their child’s feelings. No child wants to spend time with their parents new partner no matter how much they say it’s ok, it’s not ok and it leaves marks on the child. Children are given only so much time with their parents and they want that time to count for something so if you are one to have a relationship with someone new don’t bring them into your child’s life to soon because your child wants you not them but so many people are selfish and self centered.

And then we have my lawsuit, when I was really ill I gave a guy 30 grand to build me a website which was supposed to be a conglomerate not just a site. He chose to give me nothing so I have had to sue him and the other day the lawsuit panel but a value of only 10 grand on my suit so I denied it and have a settlement hearing next month and court the end of the month. I will not settle with this asshole for what they want to settle for and I am ready to go to court because he took advantage of me and never gave me anything for my money.

Other than those minor troubles life is good, I am good and healthy and my meds reduced to only two which basically says I have beaten the bipolar madness. I am finding out more and more people have been diagnosed with this illness and like me they do not want anyone to know until they have built a good foundation. Just as I have, they fear that they will be judged immediately and never given a chance to show the person that they really are. I no longer worry about my actions because they are not based on my illness but the situation itself and I know people are ignorant and fear what they do not understand so I keep my cards close to my chest and people accept me for the person I am not the illness I have. 


Hard Times

It’s always an uphill battle when we are going through hard times and we guard ourselves so we do not sustain anymore hurt. We become very untrusting of the world around and us and the people in it. We put on our game face and pretend that everything is just fine when we are crying inside. We gain our strength from the most unlikely people and places and we begin to build castles in the sky when we run across someone who has experienced what we have.

I sit here and watch a show called catfish and I can so relate to what these people are going through and yes I feel their pain and how letdown most of them are. People play games online and do not realize what damage they can do to another person by playing games with them. People have actually committed suicide from their online letdowns and this is so sad and makes me want to cry for them. I have the ability to feel another’s pain no matter where they may be in the world and this doesn’t make me happy at all.

I am so empathetic and have lived a life most people will never experience and they have no idea how much pain and loss I have dealt with. I do not want anyone to pity me or feel sorry for me as my life was meant to be this way as I believe everything happens for a reason. I do not want to hurt anyone and I do not want to hurt either but there are people out there that get their kicks by playing with my emotions and the saddest part is I would do anything to help them if I could.

There are so many fake people in the world and they do not know how to be  sincere or real and I think they like hurting others because they hurt so. I have extended my hand to help others only to have it slapped away and they laugh at the games they play that lead me in a direction of self humiliation and degradation. It’s so sad that people are so damn selfish and they cannot see what they are doing to someone else that may hurt that person and then there are those special few that care regardless how they are treated.

When people refuse to use their real name or account on skype, yahoo, facebook ect. you have to question how genuine the person is in real life, how giving are they really? Do they just use others and take what they can get or are they honorable and respectable? People use fake accounts as an easy way to dump someone they are seeing as they do not have to have contact with that person once the relationship ends because they do not want to deal with the backlash that comes with ending a relationship.

There are others that have been so damaged by a breakup they trust no one and act out their rejection by playing head games with others and this type of person needs to get some therapy to help them deal with their loss as they will never find happiness as long as they carry such a burden. Forgiveness to the one that hurt them as well as forgiving themselves is what is needed to help them move on but most people do not see it that way and continue to harbor great anger and rejection.

You can try to befriend these individuals but succeeding is almost a joke as they reject everybody that may care for them because they are so angry and hurt. I have tried to befriend someone but he refuses to let me get anywhere near him and I can do nothing about this except to pray for him and wish him well on his quest. He doesn’t appreciate me and obviously has no respect for me and prefers to spend his time with someone half his age because he doesn’t know how to relate to someone closer to his own age so I am slowly moving on as I post less as he doesn’t care or need to know what goes on in my life.

She Is

I am a genuine person, a good person with a big heart but in this world people do not respect that, they cannot see that there is no games, no lies and the truth is too much for them to handle. People want love but do not know how to love and if someone cares about them they take advantage or they try to control the person. People are so used of being used that when someone genuine does come along they can’t believe it and do not believe in the person.

People play games especially online and it isn’t right to play with people and their emotions. People no longer respect each other and you cannot trust anyone with your feelings as they will abuse them. It’s a shame that so many relationships are going up in smoke and you can tell how to people really feel about each other by the look on their face or the distance between them as they walk down the same street. You can really tell a lot about a woman when she walks several feet in front of her mate because she is silently saying “I do not want to be near you”.

The romance in life is gone and replaced for superficial sex and so many are looking for what they can get from another not what they can give someone else. That is my problem in reverse as I look for someone who I can give so much to from the heart as a friend and possibly a lover. It’s so easy to get laid these days as people think sex will get them a life long mate which isn’t true and people use each other and toss them aside without thinking twice. I have learned to guard myself and protect myself from the users of the world and I envy no one.

People that do not know me have no idea what a great friend I am and they do not know that what I give comes purely from the heart, no games, no lies just pure me. I care for someone very much and I worry about this person and he doesn’t know that I am really his friend that cares about him and want only the best for him. I do not want anything from him and I have accepted the fact we shall never meet and that’s ok because what I have given him I have no idea but obviously I have given him something.

It’s just a shame that we cannot be real friends with a real relationship and I can’t call him up and ask how he’s doing, I can’t laugh with him or share anything with him one on one. I do not believe he cares at all about me because if he did he wouldn’t pretend to care for me under assumed names and try to keep me from meeting anyone that could possibly care for me. I do not believe he wants anyone to care and love me and I do not understand why he would even care.