To See The Light

My husband could never see my son for the person he was and he could never relate to Ryan on Ry’s level because Ry is so intelligent and Bob, well he had no interest in learning about anything, he never read anything or had any desire to learn anything new. Bob always favored Shelby and it was blatant to everyone especially Ryan. When you treat your children this way it has an adverse effect on them and if they have an illness like Ryan does it really screws the kid up even more.

Ryan has a new counselor that is wonderful as she doesn’t play games and totally gets Ryan and where he is coming from. I have never treated one child differently than the other, other than things that were or were not age appropriate. Ryan has finally accepted that he is just as smart and talented as his sister, just in different ways and the loss of Bob is finally being dealt with. Ryan finally is communicating with me so I can see what I am doing that upsets him.

Both of my kids are pretty special and unique in their own ways and they are flourishing which makes me happy. Shelby is so excited about going to college and Ryan is accepting that he must go to school even though he hates it at this age. Ryan is doing wonderfully and that is so great but I must keep an eye on him as far as taking his meds. The one thing about being bipolar is the fact that when you are doing really well and feeling really good you think you no longer need your meds.

The test for someone with bipolar is when they are feeling really good and they keep taking their meds as I do. Yes, I have bipolar but since I have stayed on meds things have been going great for me and I know without the meds I could take a serious spiral downward into the abyss of depression. It’s very hard to feel good about yourself when you have lived the life I have as I have always been treated poorly by my mother and that alone has had a negative affect on me.

I was always compared to my sister and that pissed me off because my sister could never do anything wrong until my mother found out she was gay. Then the tables turned or I should say my mother tried to treat me like the golden child but it was too late. I haven’t let my mother’s treatment affect me in several years because I stood up to her finally and told her how I really felt and I haven’t valued her opinion in years and that has helped me stand tall.

People do not realize that how we treat each other really can affect our self image and if you value someone’s opinion then it can make us feel so much. We can feel poorly about ourselves, question ourselves, like ourselves and in some cases love ourselves. When we care for someone their opinion matter so much to us and we think about what they have said and how valid is what they have said to us. I used to let someone else’s opinion run my life but no longer as I know who and what I am and what needs to be changed or altered about myself.