Hard Times

It’s always an uphill battle when we are going through hard times and we guard ourselves so we do not sustain anymore hurt. We become very untrusting of the world around and us and the people in it. We put on our game face and pretend that everything is just fine when we are crying inside. We gain our strength from the most unlikely people and places and we begin to build castles in the sky when we run across someone who has experienced what we have.

I sit here and watch a show called catfish and I can so relate to what these people are going through and yes I feel their pain and how letdown most of them are. People play games online and do not realize what damage they can do to another person by playing games with them. People have actually committed suicide from their online letdowns and this is so sad and makes me want to cry for them. I have the ability to feel another’s pain no matter where they may be in the world and this doesn’t make me happy at all.

I am so empathetic and have lived a life most people will never experience and they have no idea how much pain and loss I have dealt with. I do not want anyone to pity me or feel sorry for me as my life was meant to be this way as I believe everything happens for a reason. I do not want to hurt anyone and I do not want to hurt either but there are people out there that get their kicks by playing with my emotions and the saddest part is I would do anything to help them if I could.

There are so many fake people in the world and they do not know how to be  sincere or real and I think they like hurting others because they hurt so. I have extended my hand to help others only to have it slapped away and they laugh at the games they play that lead me in a direction of self humiliation and degradation. It’s so sad that people are so damn selfish and they cannot see what they are doing to someone else that may hurt that person and then there are those special few that care regardless how they are treated.

When people refuse to use their real name or account on skype, yahoo, facebook ect. you have to question how genuine the person is in real life, how giving are they really? Do they just use others and take what they can get or are they honorable and respectable? People use fake accounts as an easy way to dump someone they are seeing as they do not have to have contact with that person once the relationship ends because they do not want to deal with the backlash that comes with ending a relationship.

There are others that have been so damaged by a breakup they trust no one and act out their rejection by playing head games with others and this type of person needs to get some therapy to help them deal with their loss as they will never find happiness as long as they carry such a burden. Forgiveness to the one that hurt them as well as forgiving themselves is what is needed to help them move on but most people do not see it that way and continue to harbor great anger and rejection.

You can try to befriend these individuals but succeeding is almost a joke as they reject everybody that may care for them because they are so angry and hurt. I have tried to befriend someone but he refuses to let me get anywhere near him and I can do nothing about this except to pray for him and wish him well on his quest. He doesn’t appreciate me and obviously has no respect for me and prefers to spend his time with someone half his age because he doesn’t know how to relate to someone closer to his own age so I am slowly moving on as I post less as he doesn’t care or need to know what goes on in my life.

She Is

I am a genuine person, a good person with a big heart but in this world people do not respect that, they cannot see that there is no games, no lies and the truth is too much for them to handle. People want love but do not know how to love and if someone cares about them they take advantage or they try to control the person. People are so used of being used that when someone genuine does come along they can’t believe it and do not believe in the person.

People play games especially online and it isn’t right to play with people and their emotions. People no longer respect each other and you cannot trust anyone with your feelings as they will abuse them. It’s a shame that so many relationships are going up in smoke and you can tell how to people really feel about each other by the look on their face or the distance between them as they walk down the same street. You can really tell a lot about a woman when she walks several feet in front of her mate because she is silently saying “I do not want to be near you”.

The romance in life is gone and replaced for superficial sex and so many are looking for what they can get from another not what they can give someone else. That is my problem in reverse as I look for someone who I can give so much to from the heart as a friend and possibly a lover. It’s so easy to get laid these days as people think sex will get them a life long mate which isn’t true and people use each other and toss them aside without thinking twice. I have learned to guard myself and protect myself from the users of the world and I envy no one.

People that do not know me have no idea what a great friend I am and they do not know that what I give comes purely from the heart, no games, no lies just pure me. I care for someone very much and I worry about this person and he doesn’t know that I am really his friend that cares about him and want only the best for him. I do not want anything from him and I have accepted the fact we shall never meet and that’s ok because what I have given him I have no idea but obviously I have given him something.

It’s just a shame that we cannot be real friends with a real relationship and I can’t call him up and ask how he’s doing, I can’t laugh with him or share anything with him one on one. I do not believe he cares at all about me because if he did he wouldn’t pretend to care for me under assumed names and try to keep me from meeting anyone that could possibly care for me. I do not believe he wants anyone to care and love me and I do not understand why he would even care.