Why do you pretend to be other people? Why do you read everything I write? Why do you look at my pictures? You must realize how much this hurts me as you refuse to talk or meet me so why are you doing this to me? Why won’t you meet me? Why won’t you talk to me? Why won’t you treat me like a real person??? Please tell me these things because you are hurting me every single day and I do not sleep well because of it.

I am asking you as one human being to another to please answer me and quit playing these games as you are destroying me, yes you are doing serious damage to me and I do not deserve this. I am hurting so bad and if you care about me one single bit then please leave my life, please let me find happiness, please let me live again. I died years ago and I am trying to rebuild myself but you are keeping me from doing just that.

Please quit being so selfish and self absorbed and leave me, please just go so I can move on as you are keeping me from moving on and living, please stop. Please understand I need to feel love again, be loved again and I do not and I am feeling terrible about myself because of your rejection. Yes you have that affect on me and I am so sad and depressed I could cry and do.

If you stay out of my life I can forget about you and focus on meeting someone who will make me complete and happy again. Do you not want to see me happy? Do you want me to be alone the rest of my life or until you meet someone that makes your world happy and completes you? Do you think this is right? fair? please, please, please, stop these games and please do not have any contact with me so I can forget you, I ask you please or do you enjoy knowing you make me cry every single day on and off all day?

FYI- Shamel will not tell you what is really going on with him because he no longer trusts you, when you brought your barmaid cunt into his life is when he lost his trust in you. You are a damn fool and think he will confide all to you but you are so damn wrong. You hurt your son more than you will ever know and he has lost so much respect for you because of your stupid actions, I do not know if he will ever trust in you again and if he does it will not be for another ten years at the minimum, proud of yourself now????? You fucking idiot what have you done, you do not even realize how you have hurt him as well as yourself and as far as me, well I cannot take this treatment any longer because it’s killing me and for Shamel, my hat is off to that boy as he is hiding his pain so well you would think life is wonderful for him and as for me well you are ripping out my heart piece by piece which is effecting my children as they do not understand why I am crying all the damn time, but then again you only care about yourself.

I hate what you have done to Shamel, unlike you I feel his pain as if it were my own you stupid fuck, I could slap you across the face for what you have done. I do not know your son but I feel every heartache and every tear that runs down that boys cheeks and yes he does cry by himself away from everyone else. He feels abandoned and he also feels as if he is in the way of you starting a new life with your cunt. He feels, well fuck it you probably dont believe me anyway, but I do know my heart aches for him and all I want to do is hug him and assure him that you will one day heal your own aching heart and will be able to love again which in turn will let you be the person you once were at least in his eyes, damn you fucking asshole you have heart that boy  so badly and beyond words and spending more time with him only places a bandaid over his hurt. Hope your cunt was worth what you have lost but no doubt she was in your selfish ass eyes, what a fucking idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cry Of The Lion

Do you not know how easily the heart can be broken? Do you not know that healing takes so very much time? Do you not know that it is hard to love again? Do you not know it is a huge step to even care for someone again? Do you not know that playing games with someone’s feelings could easily destroy the recover they have spent time on obtaining once again? Do you not know these things especially since you have been there at one time yourself?

People do not realize how there words and games can hurt someone else, people do not realize that one little tiny push in the wrong direction can obliviate all the growth someone has experienced? People do not hear the cry of the lion nor do they see the torn flesh of the gazelle all they see is to wild animals attempting to survive in an unforgiving world, a selfish world.

When others are unsure of themselves and their feelings is when they begin to dance a dance of games and indecisiveness and this is when they hurt someone else. Climbing from the cesspool of lifes bullshit is not so easily done and doing it alone is even harder. When we place our trust and faith into someone we give them the power to crush our inner soul, to destroy the person we have become and the person we one day hope to be.

When you trifle with someone’s emotions you have no idea what you  are doing to that person as they go through the day wondering and their nights are sleepless or at the very least restless. You have no idea how you are affecting their life or how you may be altering their state of consciousness. You have no idea the damage you can do and the power you may have until it is too late because not everyone can recover unscathed or unharmed.


Your actions can hurt someone without you even knowing it and yes you are quite aware what you are doing but not the depth of pain you may cause another. Emotions are delicate, paper thin and cannot be seen but emotions can destroy a living soul if they are handled the wrong way. Some people are very easily hurt and others it takes quite a bit to touch them but it’s the ones that are easily hurt that we must watch out for because those are the people who have fought some serious battles and came out clean.

Those are the people who make the world a better place or at least they try to and those are the people who so many think  are the weak ones when in fact the weakest of the link are those that think they are all, the leaders and shakers of the world. The weakest link is not the crushed person, it’s the person doing the crushing as they seriously do not know what they do which in turn comes back on them in the end.

Feel It Be It

I may not be the prettiest girl in the room but I seem to always be the sexiest because I feel sexy. Being sexy is how you feel about yourself inside and what you show the world, sexy is as sexy does and everyone may not be sexy but can at least feel it inside. I do not care that I am a bbw because my appearance is not what sexy is, sexy is that undeniable feeling you have and even if you are not looking sexy to others you can always be sexy to yourself.

I’m trying very hard to lose weight and yes it is an uphill battle but the lbs. are dropping slowly and when I look at my pictures I do not feel sexy one bit. I get so many compliments but do not believe them as men love to see a woman’s body regardless of the size or shape. Yes, men do prefer a thinner woman but they still can see the sexy in a bbw as well and surprisingly to me I have had quite a few men hit on me.

I care for someone who doesn’t care for me and that person makes me feel like shit about myself and I get depressed knowing he is fucking another woman and that woman will never end up being me. He is the type that must impress others and if the woman on his arm isnt attractive and thin, well then she isn’t on his arm no matter what a good person she may be. I have axed him from my skype as well as my yahoo because I do not want to know anything about his life any longer.


He looks at my pics and reads my posts and then flys off to Canada to pick up a woman who would fuck him in front of the world because she wants what he has to offer. He lives in a material world and cannot see being happy any other way so I can no longer let him hurt me as he does. He may think he isn’t hurting anyone but he is hurting her as well as myself but it’s time to shit or get off the pot so to speak.

I have no doubt he will want to meet me when I lose these extra pounds but it will be too late by then because I will still be the same person with a different figure. If you do not love me now you will never love me and I have accepted he will never love me or be with me. He plays games like a child and is very immature and he stalks me like some creeper and if his current lay knew that she wouldn’t want anything to do with him and that is the place I am working on, not wanting anything to do with him any longer.