To Go?

I’ve been invited to California for the weekend by this new guy I have started to see. I really would love to go just to spend time with him but if I go I will be in a situation that will require me to compromise myself. I do not think two people should have sex unless they are monogamous because there are so many diseases out there that you can so easily catch and besides a woman who jumps into bed with a guy has no morals as far as I am concerned.

I mean really, men want sex but if she is willing to give it to him unconditionally then that says volumes about her as a person. I have told him if I go I will not have sex with him and he has agreed but I know men only to well. I would hate to place myself in a situation that would make me feel terrible and ruin the beginnings of something possibly quite wonderful. I can understand him asking me to his home as his kids are grown and gone and mine are not.

I wouldn’t ask him to my home at this point anyway because I do not believe in bringing someone home to my kids unless I have seen them for quite a while just one on one. You should never involve your kids in a relationship that isn’t solid and has promise of being together for life or so you think you might want to commit to that person. Children are delicate and when you bring someone else into the mix you are playing with emotions that are still developing and you make your children feel like they are in the way.

My daughter tells me she wants me to meet someone but let’s be serious here, she doesn’t want him to involve himself into our lives and our time together. I seriously frown upon bringing anyone home to your kids if they are nothing but a lay and a good time because it seriously affects our kids and I know that only to well. I have seen this shit over and over and I have seen what happens to the children during and after the relationship ends.

Our children must always come first until they are on their own and we must respect them because they are not stupid, they are not without emotions and they surely are not without jealousy and feeling like they are the third wheel. Thinking about my children first, I will do nothing that will cause them anymore harm than they have already experienced in the past.

So here I sit wondering should I go or should I stay or should I propose he come here for the weekend and stay in a hotel? I think that would be rude because I cannot afford a hotel for him to stay at and when you invite someone somewhere you should foot the bill, just saying. I so adore this man and had such an absolute wonderful time with him and his touch, oooo his touch was electrifying and his kisses sweeter than honey.

The way he touched me was so damn sexy and erotic and I have to admit my panties were soaked when I finally walked in my front door. I wanted this man so bad and my body tried to control my thoughts and movements but I refused to let them. I so wanted to run my hand over is cock through his pants and I really wanted to go down on him but didn’t allow myself such a delicacy so early in the game.

I must say I had seriously sinful thoughts of ripping of his clothes and mounting him as my nipples grazed his chest and I fantasized about kissing his chest down to the tip of his cock and slowly licking the head until he squirmed with pleasure. It’s so hard for me to control my  sexual desires but I will not ever appear to be cheap and easy for any man, I don’t care how much money he has or what he could give me because I do not care about that shit and never will.

The Greatest Pleasure

The greatest pleasure to me is when someone gives me their time and that is what I finally have in my life, a man who gives me of himself. I have spent literally hours on skype talking to this special man and the more I talk to him the more I am drawn to him. He is hard to describe other than he is pretty damn special to me, anyway. He has taken the time to  meet me, skype me and talk to me on the phone.

Most people you meet online are full of shit, fakes or scammers and he is none of these, nope he’s the real mccoy-a man’s man, a gentleman and someone I have learned to really like. Im in no hurry to jump into bed with him because that isn’t me but don’t think I haven’t thought about it long and hard, no pun intended. He kissed me yesterday and made my toes curl so that alone tells me there is something there.

It’s not his money or power that attracts me, it’s him just being himself and being funny and kind. We have met only once but there was a connection that I thought I would never feel with another man but I have. God lets us be alone for reasons only he knows but he also brings someone special into our lives when we need it the most. I  have been alone for so long but it looks like that has finally come to an end.

I will play this by ear and take it day by day and see where it goes but it looks like it is going to head down the yellow brick road soon enough. I am no longer someone’s second best, someone’s part time fun or someone’s toy and that feels good. I can finally leave the person that has been on my mind for years, yes I can finally leave him to his own devices and he will no longer hurt me.

I allowed myself to get emotionally wrapped up in someone online I have never met nor will I but those days are behind me because I am happy. When I am happy I bake cookies and shit as you know and I laugh and sleep well for a change. I so enjoyed waking up with my new man on my mind instead of the other one and I go through the day feeling happy and excited about the next time we will be together.