The Last Thirty

I was taking a pee and started thinking as I always do when on the toilet, lol. I started thinking about the last thirty days I would have on this earth and how I would spend it and how my husband spent his. He knew he only had thirty days to live, to see his wife and children, to sleep in his home, watch his grass grow and so on. So how would you spend your last thirty days?

No, you do not get to win the lottery, be a super hero or the president, you can only be who you are in day to day life. What would you do? Would you go sky diving? Would you run up your credit cards buying things for those you love? Would you meet the person you have always wanted to be with? What would you do with those last thirty days? Have you given it any thought? I doubt that you have as most people do not look at the end of their lives.

I think back to how my husband spent his last thirty days and he spent them trying to fulfill all of his promises and take care of his family. He asked me why I didn’t spend time with him as he lay in his death bed and my stock answer was I had to take care of the house and the kids. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that with each passing day I saw him dwindle into nothingness, watching the man who I had admired disappear, watching him fade into darkness.

I believe we do the best we can while we are here and yes we make mistakes, do stupid shit and say even dumber things to others but we still try to do out best. It must have been as much if not more mental torture for my husband to count his days as each morning faded into nightfall, leaving him with one less day  of life. I cannot even imagine what he was feeling but he spent the last thirty with those he loved, in his own home and he ate food prepared just for him.

Several years prior to my husband’s demise a neighbor had colon cancer and the last month of her life I was able to give her the gift from my heart. Baking is a gift I love to give and she couldn’t keep anything down but the panna cotta I made for her everyday. She so loved it as it was light and she was able to keep it down and that my friends is what loving someone is about. Giving to them from your heart and that is what I did for her and my husband.

So, now why don’t you sit back and think about your last thirty days and how you would spend them, who you would spend them with and what you would do with that limited time frame. We never know when our last thirty will be and most of us will not even know it when it hits us, the hour of our death, so I think we really should examine what is in our hearts and go after it before our last thirty is gone.

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