The Only One

I was married for eighteen years and in that time I came to rely on my husband for support, conversation, to care for me when I was ill, to confide in, to trust and so on. I miss not having someone to talk to about day to day things, my job, my problems, my worries, my hopes and dreams. I miss having a warm body to cuddle up to and someone who will just listen.

We get into a routine with our significant other and when they are gone we are forced to start new routines if we like to or not we are forced into a new way of life which includes eating alone, watching tv alone, taking walks alone, relying on ourselves to make good judgement calls and decision and so on. This isn’t something we want or desire and it is not a normal way of life, not for me at least.

I have a difficult being alone as I am not growing as a person at the rate I should be and yes I am seeing someone but that someone may have the bells to offer me but there are no whistles. It is so lonely for me as I do not feel that cemented connection that I require to grow as one with someone and he is seeing other women as well which is fine with me but I know we will go nowhere but a good time.

I could easily fall into bed with him and probably have great sex but that is all there would or ever could be and that isn’t me. I so want to share my life and body with someone who I can “click” with, that man who is my other half, the man who I want to mentally as well as sexually arouse. I lie in bed at night and I think to myself about that one special man who is in this world just waiting to meet me, become great friends and lovers and share a common bond.

Am I the only one that dreams of these things? Am I the only that goes through the day looking forward to nightfall so I can sleep away my troubles, worries and loneliness? Am I the only one that cries into my pillow because there is no one I trust enough to cry on their shoulder? Am I the only one that wants to be loved and to love so my life would feel fulfilled? 

Am I the only one?

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