I was sitting here after my evening walk and cooling off as the sweat dripped down my forehead and to my surprise I hear a knock at the door. I answered it and Franscico was at the door. I wasn’t expecting him as he had another business meeting to attend today after we had breakfast. He told me he had been giving serious thought to his future and he was thinking it was time for him to build a future.
I listened intently and assumed he was talking about another business venture so I half listened and continued to play a game on the computer. He got a bit pissed and asked me to please pay attention to him so I sat back on the couch and gave him my undivided attention. He told me he realized we had just started seeing each other but he had found himself falling deeply in love with me.
I was shocked to hear this as we haven’t had sex together and I had no idea how he could fall in love with me so quickly. He told me I possessed everything he wanted in a partner and he wanted to spend his life with me. He said he was no longer seeing anyone else and he wanted to be with me and only me, which totally knocked me off my feet. He told me he had everything I needed and he wanted to take care of me and the kids and he wanted to make my life easier.
He asked me if I would consider marrying him!!!!! OMG, now that was a shocker and my heart almost stopped in fear, I told him I wasn’t ready to get married and I was seeing someone else and he said he did’t care, he would wait for me to “get him out of my system”. This is insane and the craziest thing that has ever happened to me!!!!! Yes, if I did marry him life would be so much easier for the kids and I but how can I marry someone I don’t know let alone love?
He told me to think about it and he had to go so out the door he went and there I sat with my jaw bouncing off the floor. I of course called my girlfriend and told her and she told me to jump at the change like white on rice and she said that I could “learn to love him”. This is such a shocker to me I really do not know what to think or where in the hell this came from.
Me, married??? I don’t know about this even though I really like Francisco but this is just like being knocked on my ass from a fist out of nowhere. I didn’t commit to him but I didn’t say no either, I think because I was so taken aback that I need time to digest this and yes he does have a lot to offer me but I cannot marry someone just because they can give me shit, I just cannot so I don’t know what to do except sleep on it and think about it and do what is best for myself as well as my kids.
I had a wonderful breakfast with Francisco and then a friend of mine came over and we had a real nice lunch that I had prepared, a lovely salad of romaine, grape tomatoes, baby cucumbers, dried cherries, walnuts and a very tasty vinaigrette then we moved on to beef tenderloin cooked to a wonderful tender with onions, red, yellow and green bell peppers sauted in butter and put on a hoagie bun.
I also made a pound cake which she loves as well as my daughter and I topped with fresh mixed berries and sweetened cream. I passed on the desert and ate very little once I had my salad. My girlfriend loves it when I make lunch because she so enjoys my cooking and baking. During lunch we caught up on each other’s lives and I told her about Francisco and Mike.
She thinks I am so lucky to be dating a guy like Francisco because he is wealthy and she says I should really try to snag him permanently only because he is wealthy. I explained to her that money doesn’t do it for me as she already knows and I don’t need rich, I need real love and devotion. She knows I’m not into money but like any other woman she sees those dollar signs.
She has watched me go through a hellish life for the last six years and of course she wants the best for me and she doesn’t like to see me struggle. She is a true friend and one that I can trust but she still looks at men through women’s eyes as far as what they have to offer. She feels like I need to be taken care of for a change but I do not want to be taken care of in the sense of the word.
I just want to meet a guy that makes me tingle all over, that I feel that connection that all of us are looking for, a man who is secure and can over power me when I get out of hand. I just need someone as strong or stronger than myself when it comes to dealing with life’s adversities. Someone that has an adventurous side but isn’t arrogant and stuck on himself.
She asked me how the guys I am seeing are in bed and I told her I hadn’t climbed those trees as of yet and she was surprised but pleased at the same time. She and I think a lot alike and she agrees that jumping into bed to soon will leave you sleeping alone in the long run. She says that I am smart to keep my panties on because like myself she knows that a man loves the chase more than winning the prize.
Men get a thrill out of the chase and they enjoy the games that go along with that chase, men love a woman who isn’t easy and who isn’t all about what they can get from them. Men like to be respected for what they do and who they are and they like funny, intelligent women and contrary to popular belief, men prefer real boobs to those silicone Sally’s out there.
It’s so easy to give in to what the body desires especially when it involves another person. We get so wrapped up in another person that we want to be with them as much as possible and we will jump into bed with them because we equate sex with love. Sex and love are not one but so many women believe this to be true. If you have sex within the first month of seeing someone you have a huge chance of breaking up within a year.
I will not ride that ride with a man for more than a month when I first start dating him because you need to feel comfortable with that person and it does take about a month before you reach that point. I also must feel comfortable to have an orgasm and I believe sex should be satisfying and enjoyable and yes it can be awkward but when you feel comfortable with the person sex is so much more satisfying.
I am currently dating two men and I have made it clear that I will not have sex with them until I feel comfortable and that is not what they want of course. If you want to be with me then you have to be with me on my terms and I am not going to be a flash in the pan for any man. I think women devalue themselves when they give sex to quickly in a relationship but women have learned that men want sex and they confuse love and sex.
I value myself to much to be a semen depository for a man who I may never see again or only see as long as I am giving him what he wants physically. Now foreplay is something totally different and you can have foreplay without sex and both people can be satisfied. Foreplay is so underrated and so many people do not know how to engage in foreplay as they go right to the act of sex.
I think engaging in foreplay builds a trust between people and it helps us get over that uneasiness when we actually do have sex. Touching and caressing is so important to me because it makes me feel closer to the person beyond the physical. Touching a person’s soul is important to me and that connection doesn’t easily happen but when you feel you have reached beyond the physical and have touched that person then you will be so much happier or so I believe.
When I do have sex with a man I will see him and him alone and no I will not be having sex with anyone else but him. I am not a desperate woman who will sell herself short because she is in financial need or wants to get married. I have done the marriage thing and I do believe that two people can be one without marriage and if things work out fine I will remarry but I am in no hurry as I do not feel the need to have marriage in my life, just monogamy.