The pain my heart feels is so drowning me as all I think of is the man who consumes me, he knows how much he is in my heart but I am not good enough for him to spend time with. I do not know what to do or what to say any longer as I cry at night and during the day all I want is to be with him not someday but today. We cannot make another love us or come to us and if I were dieing would he come then?
Would it take my death for him to realize we belong together? Would it take my demise for him to let himself be with me? I have other suitors but they are not him and never will be and no matter how I try to replace him in my life, I seem to always fail. This is my soulmate, my true love, the man I am supposed to be with and I feel it so deep within my heart and soul but I do not know how to bring him to me.
He hides from me for unknown reasons to me and this hurts me so as I do not know how to touch him, to open him to the one person that loves him for himself. He wants me with no other but refuses to come to me so what am I to do? I cannot sit and wait for something that will never happen or so I feel even though we are meant to be together he fights it like a boxer in a ring.
I have a man who can buy me the world but I do not want his purchases, I do not want the material things he has to offer, all I want is the man that holds my heart and he hides the key to the lock so no one else can get in. Does he not know he is what I know is love, does he not know that I am his forever? Does he not care how my heart aches so to be with him?
He posts pics on his facebook so I am never to forget him as I see the pics on my newsfeed and it hurts me so as I want to wipe away the sadness in his heart and I want to engulf him in the love I have for him. why won’t he come to me? If I were thin would he come? No, if I were prettier would he come? No, if I were not damaged would he come? No.
NO NO NO is the answer I get from him and I want to be able to love someone and to share my life with another but he wont let go and I cannot move on. I pretend it is his kisses, his touch, his laughter but it is not him and never will be. He hides under a rock, he hides behind the doors that are locked, he is watching me move into anothers arms and does nothing to stop it, so I can only assume he doesn’t love me and never will.