To Tell The Truth

Francisco and I spent yesterday afternoon talking about the do’s and don’ts  in our relationship and he was quite surprised at how pissed I got over his invasion of my privacy. He used the excuse that he was concerned about me and wanted to protect me. I guess I must look like a damn cows barn because that was nothing but bullshit as far as I was concerned and I told him so.

He finally admitted that he got jealous and he did over step his bounds and he was really sorry. I’ve been around the block  few times and I already know he was much more jealous than he is showing and I will be seeing more of this behavior down the line. Everyone puts their best foot forward when they begin a relationship and that is why I say keep the kids out of it for four to six months.

By the six month mark you people become very comfortable and let their guard down and you see the real person. You see their bad habits, annoying habits and behavior and you pretty much can tell if you want them around or not. I do not know what it is about me that attracts men so much but yes men are attracted to me and I am always told how sexy I am.

I am so much more than sexy but I do not know what it is that brings the men to their knees but damn when they fall for me they seem to fall hard. I really like Francisco but I can already see things that I do not like but could put up with. He told me tonight how he wants to pay for Shelby’s college and law school and how he wants to buy Ryan a car and take us all on a family vacation.

He doesn’t seem to realize that I do not want him helping Shelby or Ryan as Shelby can take care of herself and I can take care of both of my kids. As far as a family vacation that isn’t going to happen anytime soon if at all. He makes all these financial offers which totally turn me off because I do not want his help and can make it on my own. Yes it is difficult for me financially but I am making it.

He told me tonight one thing he really likes about me is I am not easy even though he wants to have sex with me. He tells me I am everything he has ever wanted in a woman and any man who really knew me would want me as well, lol. I didn’t say a thing but I thought to myself, the only man I really want, wants nothing to do with me so you are so wrong .

One minute I think one day soon I will be with my soulmate and then I think to myself, nope that isn’t ever going to happen. Francisco is a good man and yes he could enhance my life in many ways but I am an old fool who wants to feel love and to love. I do not know if I will ever love Francisco more than a friend but only time will tell and I have to give him a chance, it’s only being fair to him as well as myself.