To Know Me

Anyone that really knows me knows that I do not wear jewelry because I am allergic to most of it. I am not into big wedding rings either and yes I had a nice wedding ring which I paid for of course. To make a long story short I was doing my morning 3 mile walk listening to my favorite music not paying attention to much as I walked. As I rounded the bend one of those black cars that people hire pulled up next to me and the window came down. 

In the car sat Francisco with a shit eating grin and he asked me to get in the car and I told him know I needed to get my walk in so we waited in my driveway. Here I am sweaty and smelly and he decides to drop in on me, which is fine but I am not going to alter my plans because he decided to drop in. We go into the house and the dogs are thrilled of course and we sit at the kitchen table and I asked him what brought him into town and he tells me he came by to give me something.

He pulls out this ring box and opens it up and there was the biggest damn diamond ring I have ever seen. He wanted to give me an engagement ring and so I put it on to make him happy even though I hate the ring and think it is so gaudy. Most women would die for this ring and if I sold it I could probably pocket about 500,000.00 dollars, no shit it is that big and I do not know what to think at this point. So, I guess I’m officially engaged and he started talking about getting married.

He is so excited I hate to burst his bubble and I really do enjoy seeing him so happy and I am the one that is  making him so happy and it feels pretty good. I just cannot understand a man wanting to marry a woman he has never had sex with, seriously what if I am lousy in bed? Now that would totally suck wouldn’t it? Sex is so important to a marriage and being sexually compatible is so important and I know he will not be disappointed in the least as far as my sexual awareness.

I have never had a single complaint in the bedroom department and there has never been a man who has left my bed unsatisfied, it’s just my nature I guess and being a Scorpio well everyone knows how sexual Scorpio’s generally are. Anyway, I feel like I am being pushed into something I am not ready for and I am having a very difficult time telling him I am not ready because he is so happy and I do not want to ruin that for him.

I wish there was another man that had my interest and we were seeing each other because that is all it would take to put an end to this marriage thing. I am not seeing anyone else and do not envision anyone coming out of the wood work so I guess I’m going to keep going forward because I am a coward, someone afraid of hurting another, being to nice once again is going to cost me in the end I am sure of that but hey no one else wants me so what the hell?


It’s nice being an independent woman as I can do so much for myself that most women rely on men to do. I can do anything electrical, repair mechanical things and repair things around the house. I save a ton of money doing the repairs myself  and my kids have a different kind of respect. The heater head went out on my car and the dealer wanted $600.00 to replace it, what a total rip off as I purchased the part off ebay for $20.00 and it took me 15 minutes to replace the part.


I like being able to repair things and I like to know that I can live without a man to take care of me. It’s nice to have a partner but it’s also nice to know you cant take care of yourself but so many women want to appear helpless and they want a man to do it all for them. I would love to have a man who I could and would rely on but I just cannot let myself because I do not want their help thrown in my face. People help you and they eventually want to collect on that help.

Very few people will help you without expecting anything in return and that is the way I am, I help no questions asked and nothing expected in return. I hate owing anybody anything and I hate being in debt and when I sell the house I will be debt free once again. I refuse to bring my responsibilities into a relationship and have the guy take them on, I just will not do that and I know most women would jump at the chance to have a man take care of them.

Francisco wants to help me but I keep turning his help down because we haven’t been together long enough for one and for another I can take care of myself and do not need or want his help. I’m sure most men would love to meet a woman who takes care of herself and doesn’t ask him for a thing and I have no doubt there are very few women like myself. I am not saying that I am every man’s wish because I doubt that I am but I am a pretty solid woman who can handle the adversities that life has thrown at her.

If women came with a CrotchFax like a car does with a Carfax I doubt they would be with most women, lol. I mean really if you knew how many men a women has laid with I am sure it would be  total turn off and if you knew if she was boning someone else as well as you, well I think that would end things pretty quickly or so they would for me. I refuse to sleep with a guy unless I am the only one he is parking his car in the garage if you know what I mean.

The thought of a guy sleeping with another woman and me just doesn’t fly straight with me at all and I’m sure it doesn’t most people or so I would hope. I would never want to be a guy and putting my face where another guy has left his exhaust would so turn me off. Francisco was seeing someone and myself at the same time which is fine but I know he was boning her and it will be a hell of a long time before I sample those goods, like maybe they need a “cooling off” period, lol or more like a disinfectant period.

Forever Searching

We are forever searching for love and our soulmates, but so many do not understand what a real soulmate is. A true soulmate is your other half, yes they do complete you but people view completeness as love, happiness and contentment. A soulmate doesn’t give us all the good things we seek, actually a soulmate brings with the challenges and test that all of us must experience within a true soulmate relationship. We seek completeness, we seek another to complete us which is wrong as a soulmate does so much more.

A true soulmate will challenge your thoughts and beliefs as they make you question things that you are steadfast in believing. A soulmate not only opens doors but they open windows of our souls as well. We close ourselves off to things we do not wish to experience or to believe. Our soulmates bring tests into our lives as well as love and a soulmate teaches us lessons that are not always desirable. We are not limited to just one soulmate as soulmates come to us in different walks of life.

We can have soulmates in business as these people teach us how to protect ourselves financially and how to grow our wealth, this person never steers us wrong and always has our best interest at heart. Then we have our soulmate of love, this person understands us, they bring to the table all that we truly need and desire. This person loves us and they will not blow smoke up our asses as they are the realist that pulls no punches in our lives.

People equate love and soulmates as one which is not true because if it were there would be no divorce. Soulmates do not enter and exit our lives at will, they leave us do to death, the physical demise that all of eventually succumb to. There are people who fight the pull of their soulmate, they try to understand why they are so drawn to this person yet they fear the connection as if it would swallow them in their entirety. When you have an undeniable attraction to someone regardless what their standing in life is, their physical appearance or beliefs then you  have met your soulmate.

You can meet yourself soulmate anywhere at anytime and yes you can meet them in an elevator, hallway, football game, online, just about anywhere. When you have a connection that pulls at your heart as well as your head then you belong with that person and you can deny it all you want but it will come to pass and you cannot stop it. All of us have free choice and if you choose not to be with your soulmate then that choice is yours but that person will never leave your mind, heart or life.

You have to be ready to meet your soulmate, you have to throw caution to the wind and take a step forward to be with that person. It takes two people to be together but it only takes one to keep the union from happening. You can stand in denial and your soulmate may be with another but when the time is right for both individuals the meeting will occur as it is written in the stars. Soulmates are meant to be together and will but in the mean time one may be with another person because they need to fill a void in their lives until their soulmate opens their heart up enough to let them in.

The Kids

I’ve stepped up the walking, I’m now walking a little over 6 miles a day, three in the morning and 3 at night. The scale isn’t moving much so I must be building muscle which is nice. I put on my headphones and put one foot in front of the other and I actually enjoy my walks. The kids walk with me sometimes which is nice because we talk and connect, there is no computers or phones to bother us.

I think it’s important to spend time with your kids without technology always interrupting and I hate phones at the dinner table and refuse to allow them. I think we let life take over and we forget to connect with our kids and that is so sad. I really like to see parents with their kids and I have never had any problem with a man spending time with his kids. Men tend to not get custody during a divorce so when they are with their kids I think it should be as much one on one time as possible.

I have a good relationship with both of my kids and I spend quite a bit of time with them and I have to say I honestly enjoy being with them. School will be starting and I will miss Ryan and Shelby is working so I am alone most of the day. So many parents are glad to see their kids return to school but not I, nope I like them home and I love joking around with them.

Ryan is doing so well and he has returned to the child I once knew, he is so damn smart and funny and he keeps me laughing. We play a game online together because there are levels I just cannot beat but Ryan can beat them in just a few minutes. I am not one to let anyone come between me and my kids like so many others do because they are more into their own wants and needs than their children’s.

One of the biggest turn ons for me is seeing a man with his kids or having constant contact with them as most men do not stay connected with their kids. A real man doesn’t let a woman get between him and his kids and he doesn’t have her around when he is with his kids for quite some time. I realize everyone gets lonely but bringing someone into the mix that you are not so sure is going to be around in a year, well that just doesn’t fly with me.