Go Crazy

I could so go hey nonnie crazy on Francisco but why waste all that energy? He called five times and each time I just let it go to voicemail because I have to sit back and let myself calm down or I will go nuts on his ass. I try to remember that he is with her only for sex but he lied to me and that is what has been really upset. Lieing drives me completely over the edge as it is my number one pet peeve.

Francisco has disrespected me by lieing to me and I realize sex is at the top of the list of relationship breakers but come on you don’t get engaged and then bone somebody else. By him doing that it tells me he isn’t ready for a committed relationship with someone who holds her standards and morals right up there next to God. You cannot be with me and be in bed with someone else, nope nodda not this gal as she doesn’t play that way.

I’m glad that I am not in love with Francisco because this incident would have absolutely just killed me if I did love him. I did tell him about my online stalker and how I have so many feelings for this person and he told me I was living in a dream world. He also said that my stalker will never meet me because he is to afraid of will or will not happen, he tells me that I need to forget about the loser and not to hang my hat on pie in the sky dreams.

That’s all easy for him to say but for me it isn’t so easy walking away, it isn’t so easy to forget someone I have somehow fallen in love with or what I consider to be love. Yes, it is possible to fall in love with someone online because they appear to be there for you when you feel as if you have lost all, as if your world has crumbled, as if you cannot live another day.

I don’t care what anyone says because in my heart of hearts I know that I will meet this person someday, somewhere, somehow and yes I believe him to be my soulmate, the man I have waited my entire life for, the person that will make my dreams, hopes and wishes all come true. So call me a fool, call me a damn foolish old woman but if I give up on my dreams then I give up on life and I am not ready to do that.

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