The Heart

When you think of someone all the time and wish you were with them, what is that called? What is it called when you want to do all the little things for them like make their favorite foods, rub their feet, give them a back massage, want to listen to them talk about their day? What is it called when you find yourself smiling for no reason at all as you look out your kitchen window?

This is how I feel about Miguel and I do not know what to call what I feel, I do not know how to really describe how I feel about him other than he makes me feel giddy and I can’t sleep because I am thinking about him. He makes me feel something I haven’t ever felt and I do not know what to call it as it is indescribable and I have no words for it other than he makes me feel so special, like I finally matter to someone.

Jobs-The Movie

I went to see the movie Jobs and was duly impressed with Ashton Kuscher’s impersonation of Jobs. The movie starts from the beginning of Jobs interest or lack of interest in higher education and how he goes from a shoe less college student to a business owner working out of a garage with a good friend. The movie progresses into Jobs refusing to be a father to his child and how he is obsessed with technology.

Ashton’s body language changes as Jobs becomes older, he walks bent over and he has a certain way of speaking which is quite unique to Jobs. Jobs is driven by perfection, by morals and standards that go against the industry as a whole. He eventually loses his company but in the end regains it as Apple plummets on the stock market even though a real great marketer is hired.

Ashton does an awesome portrayal of Jobs and the movie did make me laugh at times but I found the movie to be inspiring and promotes dreaming and following those dreams. The sad part about the movie is Jobs gets so involved in the technology he loses sight of the importance of his friends and he finally discovers life isn’t all that being alone and being a genius.


My brain seems to never shut down and I am so sick of reading and hearing about kids getting killed because of their texting and driving or talking on the phone and driving. I have been thinking of a way to stop this from happening and I was thinking about making the inside of a car a dead zone. I was talking to my son about it and he thinks I should build an app that connects to google maps and then it makes the phone go into airplane mode.

I dont know about apps as I do not see much income coming from that but then again who knows. If I built a chip that goes into cellphones I think that would be the better route but then I do not have disposable income to make it happen. I can’t trust anyone these days and an investor would no doubt screw me in the end so I will continue to look at all possibilities.

I already know it would be an awesome seller because parents are always worried about their kids using phones, texting and driving. Adults are no better  as so many accidents occur because of phone use. Laws are being passed in every state to stop using phones while driving so I see this to be a huge seller and I mean huge. I do not think making an app is the way to go, no I see a simms card being altered which would be so perfect.

I just have to sit back and look at this from all angles because I know others are trying to come up with ways to stop the cellphone/auto thing. I am sure someone is developing something as we speak but I have no idea if they have thought along the lines my son and I have thought about. All I need is a great design team, a hole lot of money, great marketing and I am on my way, ya I know Im dreaming but the world has been changed by the dreamers.

Bad Feeling

Miguel and the boys went to put in bay and I told him I had a real bad feeling about going and please not to go. He said they would be fine and not to worry, ya right me not worry when I get one of my “feelings”? Well, sure as shit something went wrong as his oldest boy had a terrible pain in his side, he was throwing up and running a fever and Miguel calls me and asks me what I thought was wrong.

Well, I told him to get his son to the hospital stat because it sounded like appendicitis to me and that is exactly what it was. Miguel called me after being at the hospital for a while and they were taking his son into surgery. His son did great during surgery and the dr. told him his son’s appendix was about to burst and it’s a good thing that he brought him in when he did.

Miguel told me I was creepy because I had warned him and he had never met anyone that had such a strong six sense like I do. I didn’t tell him that I am psychic as that would probably have really creeped him in out as most do not believe in such a thing. I get these feelings all the time and I try to ignore them which is stupid because I end up paying in the end.

Miguels son will be fine and I am so glad for that but his wife got really pissed at him and told him it was his fault, lol stupid woman. There is no warning with appendicitis except the pain and nausea and my girlfriend went through the same thing when we were younger. I have learned quite a bit about medical issues over the years because my husband was sick for so long and I made a point to learn, to understand and to watch out for the warning signs of different illnesses.

I’m not a stupid woman and surely not naive about too much any longer and I have learned that education is the key to protecting oneself. I love learning and would like to go back to school but can’t afford it. I’m doing ok but not great and trying to sell property and things I own isn’t going so well. I had a buyer for some property I have in Florida but that deal fell through because his dog is to large and doesn’t meet the guidelines of the residents in the area.

If I could sell the property and my rv life would be so much easier but hey things happen when they are supposed to and not a  minute sooner. I’ve decided that the house will go up next spring and I should be able to sell it by fall if not sooner. I plan on buying a much smaller home for the kids and I and when Ryan graduates I plan on finding a place in Georgia as the weather is better for me and cost of living is cheaper.

I can live in Georgia during the winter and come up to Michigan during the summer to be with the kids. Ryan is so damn smart he will do great for himself and he will do great financially I have no doubt. Shelby is such a hard worker and she loves school so much and yes she will be a great attorney one day and maybe she will decide to run for a judge as she has dreamed.

Life is good, I am content and the kids are doing great which makes me happy as my kids happiness means more to me than my own. I have always treated my children as if they were young adults even when they were little I was honest with them. Shelby once asked me what my boobs were for and I told her the truth, boobs have milk for babies and then she asked me where babies come from and I told him in a child’s version but I didn’t tell her the stork brought them.

My kids see me as a strong, independent woman who can handle any crisis that comes her way and that my friends has built character in each of my children. My kids do not look for handouts or someone else to carry their burdens as they have been through so much already in their lives and are quite independent. It’s important to be honest with our kids and teach them to care for themselves because as I have experienced, people die and leave you to fend for yourself.

Kids First

I am a person that experienced divorce of my parents when I was young and I understand the importance of spending time with both parents even though my father was absent most of my life. Mike and I were going to the lake this weekend but his kids wanted to spend time with him so we didn’t go, I really respect Mike for putting his kids first because I know only to well the pain his children are experiencing.

People are so selfish and they blow off their kids to be with their latest and greatest which in my eyes is wrong. Our children rely on us for so much more than most parents realize or pay any attention to. Boys are taught not to cry and girls are taught to be girlie, this is wrong as boys should be able to express themselves without reprisal of anyone and girls should be encouraged as boys to follow their hearts and their desires.

Sure, I feel let down that Im not with Mike but guess what? His kids would feel it so much more than I and by him spending time with them he is developing some pretty great kids. Mike is teaching his kids that family comes first and to me that is paramount to anyone or anything else. Most women would be pissed but wouldn’t say anything or show it but not me, I’m not pissed at all.

I am mature enough to know my place in Miguel’s life and yes I am at the top right below his kids which is kool with me. I really like learning about his kids and I listen when he talks about them which is all the time. A man who is proud of his children and wants to exalt them is a truly great guy in my eyes and always will be. Miguel is a wonderful man so full of love and self-assurance and I really am attracted to that.

He doesn’t have a college degree and he isn’t well off financially but he does well enough for himself and he takes excellent care of his children. He is a proud man, a man of morals and ethics, a man who knows how to treat a lady and how to respect her as well. He treats me better than anyone ever has and Im not used to being treated so well but I love it and I think I could fall in love with him.

To Know

Did you ever just know that someone was meant for you and you alone? Did you ever think about that person all the time and want to be with them?Did you ever wish to meet that person today? Did your wish ever come true? Well, I do believe mine did as I have met the most wonderful man and his name is Miguel. He treats me so good and he is such a caring and considerate person, someone I do believe is for me.

I have waited for years for someone else but I now know in my heart that he will never meet me and I am nothing but a fantasy to him. I know in my heart he is one of my soulmates but I no longer believe we will ever meet and I no longer believe that we will be together. Finally, accepting this truth has set me free to let someone else into my life, someone I am sure I can fall in love with.

I have waited for years and years to feel real love again, to be held and to be shown true affection and I do believe I have found it in Miguel. He is a gentle man, a loving man, a compassionate man and the type of man who I have wanted to meet for so very long. I will not turn and walk away from love this time I am open and ready to absorb all he has to give to me from his heart.

It’s not often we find someone who will love us as much as we love them and when we get that opportunity we have to grab it before it gets away. Love, true love doesn’t come around often and we cannot wait for the right time as there is never a right time, no now is the time to wrap your arms around the one that loves you, that would sacrifice for you, that wants to give you the world not in material things but from their soul and I do believe I have that man finally and I thank God.