She Won’t Stop

When I set my mind to something I generally get it or accomplish it because I focus on that thing and work damn hard to obtain it. I have lost almost 15 pounds which is huge for me because for me losing weight is so damn hard. I walk an hour in the morning and the evening and every week I see 1-2 lb. loss which makes me feel encouraged to continue. I want to lose quite a bit more weight and so I walk seven days a week.

Photo on 8-25-13 at 7.55 PM #2 Photo on 8-25-13 at 7.55 PM #3 Photo on 8-25-13 at 7.55 PM

The neighbors have started riding their bikes and Krissy across the street rides with her kids and told me that I inspired her which is the best compliment anyone could give me. I like to inspire people and I like the way I feel when I finish my walks. I walk into the house sweaty and tired but I feel so accomplished and I haven’t felt this way in a very long time.

I still eat ice cream once a week and I really splurged today and had two very small slices of pizza. My problem is I look at food and gain weight and I don’t bother eating chocolate cake anymore, instead I just rub it on my ass and thighs because that’s where it goes anyway. I don’t drink soda but on a rare occasion and I eat tons of veggies and fruits, chicken and fish.

I drink a ton of water and put it in the freezer so it gets slushy and then I can drink more of it. I have completely changed my diet and adding the walking has been the key to dropping these pounds. I haven’t tried on any jeans lately but I already have lost one and one half sizes which I cannot see when I look in the mirror but in time I will see the difference.

My boobs have gotten smaller for sure and that’s fine with me because carrying these melons is a bit much and they are still very large, lol. The good thing is I have a routine that I do not deviate from and I am so proud of myself for not stopping or cutting corners. My pedometer is a damn liar as I thought I was walking six miles a day when in fact I am only walking four but that is enough to burn off some of this blubber weekly.

At this rate in 2 1/2 months I will have lost 35 lbs. which is about 1/2 of what I want to lose and when it gets cold I will drop Ryan off at school and go work out and start lifting weights so I can get back some serious arms like I used to have. I have to be so careful because my rotor cuff got torn and I refused to have surgery and have been letting it heal naturally.

I will be one awesome lady when I reach my goal weight and I keep feeling better every day and do not mind the walks to much except when it gets so hot like it is this week. I am doing this for me, yep just for myself and my Dr. is very happy with the results from my blood work. I used to have high levels of bad stuff but those levels have gotten so much better since the diet change and the exercise.

I have come along way in two years and I am mentally and physically doing so much better and I am laughing again. I didn’t laugh for a very long time and I lost the beauty of life in all the difficulties I had been experiencing but life is beautiful once again and I am so thankful. I think the biggest think that has helped me is my writing as I am able to release so many emotions and thoughts that have weighed me down.

He Comes To Me

I have this boy that comes to me in my dreams and it is so weird as he tells me what is bothering or upsetting him. I know this sounds so whacked but it is the truth. This boy is about 13-14 yrs. old and he has a small frame, he is cute and so damn smart and talented. He has had a tough time with the issues between his parents and he has felt as if he was cast aside when he actually hasn’t been.

Kids feel so much that we as parents have no idea about and this boy is finally coming out of a very insecure stage in his life. He is trying to adjust to the changes that come with age and he has had a difficult time expressing his emotions. He has felt as if he would never be good enough and he has felt that he has been compared to his father by so many and he has felt that he must walk in his father’s shoes.

This boy is so much like his father but he is so different in his own right as well. The next 24 months will bring major change to this child and he will find his own nitch which makes me so happy. I have felt this boys pain and loss and I have felt his inferiority as well which is painful for me as I feel his pain and all of the emotions he has been experiencing. This boy has something quite special about him but I do not know what it is I can only feel it.

I’m so happy that things will lighten up for him and have and he is feeling closer to his dad these days which is so very important. His mother has been a primary influence on him and he has wanted his parents to work things out but he is finally excepting that this will not happen and it pains him but he is finally ok with it, not happy with it but ok with it. His eyes tell a story that very few can read and his heart is so big and this boy is so full of love that he touches everyone near him.

His laughter is infectious and his smile melts the coldest of hearts yes this boy will shine in his own shadow and people will want to be near him always as he has a gift that others will envy. This boy makes me smile finally and my heart no longer aches for him as it once did because he was so troubled not to long ago.

Never Nope Never

When you love someone or think that you love them you never forget that person no matter what. You can date other people but that one person well that one person stays with you no matter what. You think of that person even if someone else has your interest at the time and you cannot stop thinking no matter what, you never forget about them nope you never do.

That person may not know that they have been the object of your affection or maybe they do but they do not know that they hold a place in your heart and always will. They have no way of knowing that they are special to you and they have no way of knowing that they are the dream that you continue to dream about, the person that they want to be with no matter who they are with at that time.

That very special person has no way of knowing that if they walked into your life that you would drop everything and everybody else. To let someone know your true feelings is so very hard to do and opening up to that person is so damn risky for fear of getting rejected. That one special person is always with you even when you do not want their presence, they are just always there and you never forget them, nope and you never ever will forget them because they belong in your life.