Let It Go

How do you let go of someone you care for? Someone you think about every day, all day? How do you make those feelings go away? How in the hell do you do it? Someone please tell me because that is what I have to do. I have to let go of these feelings and emotions because I cannot move on caring for someone who won’t meet me, someone who doesn’t want me but doesn’t want me to be with someone else.

Why do people play with others emotions? Why do they keep stringing you along? What is it they get out of this? Do they not care that they hurt you? Do they not have feelings? I want this to stop so badly and I’ve met someone new that I hope can help me forget. He told me he thinks Im sexy just like other men and we will see where I go from here with this.

I want to be involved and I want to give myself to somebody but I want it to be right and I want to have a healthy relationship. I miss so much from partnerships and I really thrive when I am happy, which I am not at this time.

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The Fog

I was standing in the shower and as I stood there letting the water beat down upon me I remembered back to earlier this morning. I looked out the sliding glass door to see the morning fog cloak the ground with a fine mist. It was a beautiful site as the sun worked it’s way through strands of the fog. I hooked up Gabe and Mike and off we went to do our first two mile walk.

The boys love the walk and they love to piss on every tree, street light, curb you name it they be a pissin’ on it, just like all males they love to mark their territory men just do it a bit cleaner and differently. Men like to know they “own” their wife or girlfriend and they like to think they have the relationship under control when the truth is most of the time they are pussy whipped and the woman does the controlling.

I do not care for pussy whipped men, no not at all I like a man who will stand firm and not put up with any shit. I like a man who knows what he wants and goes after it and I like a man who follows the beat to his own drum. I am not a follower so I do not care for followers. I like a man who will stand firm and be himself, be who he really is and show only the true self.

I need to meet that kind of man to be happy because that is the type of person that helps me thrive and to grow and a man like that is usually very sexy and attractive. I so miss the arms of a man and the feel of a man lying next to my body. I want that again so bad but I just will not lie down with anyone because I like myself to much to sell myself short. 

 

 

A New Beginning

Well today is a good day as I have got my 4 mile walk in before noon and I have been contacted on a dating site by a very nice gentlemen. He lives in a nice part of Michigan and he seems to be young for his age. We have a lot in common which isn’t surprising for some reason and we seem to like a lot of the same things. We will see where this goes but it looks like it might just be fun.

He’s retired from the business that he owns so that is also nice as he has free time for me. He is older but he is still attractive and very tall just like I like them.  Maybe he will be the one that helps me forget about the green eyed monster. I really need to forget about him and move on with my life because he obviously is involved with someone else and doesn’t want to meet me anyway.

 

The Caged Fountain

Have you ever felt free yet confined? Have you ever felt that in your own little world you could live your life as you chose but once out in society you had to conform? That is how I feel so much of the time, as if the world cannot understand me so I am forced to conform to expectation of the world and I can no longer be myself. I’m a very open minded person and I am quite a stickler on so very few things but still a stickler.

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I wish I could be myself all of the time but one cannot live with peace in this world unless we fall under society’s rule. We are expected to be so much and never to be a disappointment to anyone for that would take the shine right out of our shinola. We cannot smoke a joint on the street, or walk naked down the street because the world would be to shocked.

We are expected to act appropriately and we are expected to be totally honest in our relationships, which of course we cannot. We cannot tell people what we really think of them because that isn’t acceptable and we are unable to express ourselves to our partner which grows distance and longing for an understanding soul. This is how the end begins of every relationship and this is what drives most men into another’s arms.

It is not possible to be in love with two people at once, no it isn’t and you can easily tell by the distance between the two individuals. The man begins with a slowly wandering eye that grows into an obsession with another woman. When the man is content he stays in the situation even though he doesn’t want to he stays anyway and then he finds someone who fills his thoughts almost constantly, his fantasies are about her and his dreams are filled with her face.

This man will one day leave his current situation to his partners dismay because she has become so used to the behavior of her man that she didn’t notice he subtly changed and pulled away. This man will one day say to himself that yes he wants to be with the one that controls his thoughts and he will step up and finally go after that special woman, that women that possessed him so long ago.

What Do You Do?

What do you do with the feelings you feel for someone but cannot show them? What do you do with your thoughts and dreams as well as fantasies? What do you do if that person won’t meet you? If you’re in a relationship with someone you should never lead someone else to believe that you care for them or that you even think about that person.

It’s so damn hard to find love, find affection, find someone who cares about you and your happiness and leading someone to believe that you are that person is wrong. I have had a damn hard life and I do not appreciate games people play with my emotions because they are insecure or unsure of where they want their life to go.  They may have a relationship with someone but it obviously cannot be that solid or that person wouldn’t follow the goings on in my life.

I am a good person, someone who most would be happy to know and men seem to love me for some unknown reason other than I am sexy or so I have been told by so many. I give because I choose to and I care deeply for people in general. But who cares about me? Who loves me for me? Who wants to lie next to me at night and protect me from the monsters in the dark?

Who wants to hold me when I cry? Who wants to share a day of laughter with me? Who??? Who is that person and where is he right this second? With someone else I assume and I have to let go of the feelings I have for someone because he obviously has no interest in me other than to read what I write because I am once again assuming he can relate to some of my trials and tribulations.

The Attraction

I’m no raving beauty but I do find myself extremely picky when it comes to men. There are so few men that turn my head or grab my  eye and I honestly can say there appears to be slim pickens in this world. I don’t ask for much but all I seem to see are men that remind of turtles on their back because they have such huge beer bellies and if someone pushed them down they would have a hell of a time getting back up.

I’m working damn hard to lose weight and to get into shape for myself first and foremost. Keeping healthy is important to me and looking attractive is as well and right now I have ways to go before I look physically appealing. There seems to be only one man who I have found to be super sexy, so attractive in a special way and just damn hot in my eyes.

He is so damn special to me yet we have never met which is so unfortunate. I believe we will meet one day and the feeling is so strong that it’s as if it is written in the stars. He will realize one day that I am the one he has been searching for and yes he will one day realize he must meet me to complete his life. Life can be so complicated even though I ask for so little it appears life just isn’t meant to be easy for me.

Tantric

I love reading and learning and I really enjoy expanding my  sexual experiences and knowledge. I need a partner to try tantric sex with because it sounds so damn sensual, so romantic and exciting to me.  People are to quick to orgasm and do not enjoy their partner enough and take the time to be romantic which leads to excitement in my experiences. 

How many people have you slept with that made your toes literally curl? How about giving you shivers up your spine or made the hair raise on you arm?? That is what a fantastic sexual experience is about and that is how you feel when you are with someone who physically excites you. I enjoy sex so much and pleasing my partner actually excites me quite a bit.

I enjoy hearing him suck in his breath,  putting his hands in my hair and clutching me as he orgasms or I get him almost there. I love to take my time and slowly arouse my partner to a point of pure ecstasy. I like romance and kissing, slow carresses and romance in general because it makes the sexual experience more than just sex, more than an orgasm.

Maybe one day I will be able to share this type of experience with the green eyed monster because yes he is my soulmate and I know in my heart what is to eventually be but I won’t wait, no I will continue to find my happiness in another even though I doubt that will ever happen. We belong together because it is written and you can deny it all you want but you know what your heart wants my dear.

To Absorb

Reading is so stimulating for the mind and when we read someone’s blog we are reading more than words, more than their experience and more than just their life. We read to learn, to expose truths, to discover another. As a person that likes to read as well write I have learned to use words to express every emotion a person can feel, I have exposed the most intimate and private moments of my life.

When you begin to read about someone’s life if the writing is good and interesting to you, you become part of their life in your mind. You begin to think what it would be like to be in their life and how you could enhance their life. You actually become a friend to that person even though  they have no idea you are there. It’s odd how reading about someone elses life can affect us so much.

We can actually begin to have empathy for that person, we read and we laugh  at some of the things they have written and yes we even want to cry for that person at times. I have shared so much of myself that I wonder if I haven’t given to much of myself away. I wonder if anyone that reads this has a clue what lies deep within my heart, do they really have any idea of the type of person I really am?

We can learn so much about a person by reading their writings, paying attention to what they are saying without putting it into proper words. People are very easy to figure out but when you read what they write they may confuse you. Confusion is part of expressing ourselves and yes I can flip back and forth like a fish, emotionally that is and can understand how I could confuse someone.

People that write about themselves as most do in blogs are somewhat confident and really do not care what others think of us. We share our experiences and we hope that one day what we write may help someone, or so I do hope that. I also hope that one day I will be able to write about the meeting of my soulmate, my future life mate, the person that will fill my void and keep a smile on my face.

I hope one day he can see how much I love him and it’s in the purest form and I hope he can see that I am transparent and my love is deep as any ocean and as wide as the world.  He will read that I live to make him happy, I live to make him smile and my life is barren without him as his is without me. Maybe one day he will realize what he has known all along and that is we belong together.

Pitfalls

There are so many pitfalls of being single and it has it’s merits but it isn’t all peaches and cream. Being a single mother is a lonely life and it sucks when the kids are gone and I’m watching tv by myself, eating dinner by myself and just thinking by myself. I have my pets that give me much comfort but they are not a man, they do not have arms to hold me or a shoulder to cry on.

So many people say they enjoy being single but the truth is they do not and yes they want to have a connection with another person. All of us search for love and when we find it we think we are in heaven or at least pretty darn close to it.  When we finally do meet someone we enjoy there seems to always be something seriously fucked up somewhere and it just doesn’t work out.

It doesn’t work out because it isn’t suppose to because that person isn’t your soulmate, they are not your final destination and they can not fill the void. The only one that can do that for us is our soul mate and when the time is right our soulmate will appear in our lives. Some people question if someone else is their soulmate and they question if they should even try with that person.

Our soulmate is the person we are always thinking of, the person we dream about and fantasize about constantly. Our soulmate may be miles away but we know, yes we know in our heart that the person we are meant to be with is within our grasp. Some people like to play around before they settle with their soulmate but they must realize that they are denying themselves the pleasure of pure love.