Why They Stay

So many of us stay in bad relationships or marriages because we fear going it alone, financial stability, our children and we fear being alone. We fail to realize that staying in a bad relationship is unhealthy for all involved and our children can tell things are not good between their parents. I think the biggest fear is going it alone and wondering if anyone will ever love us again, especially men.

I think it’s fair to say that many men remain in bad marriages because the specter of divorce is simply too painful to contemplate, let alone make that first call to a divorce lawyer. Knowing ahead of time that the pain is going to be extreme does not make it appealing, no matter how bad the marriage.

There is an emotional downside for men who remain in a bad marriage that far outweighs the pain of divorce. A man who wakes up each morning and looks over at a woman he despises isn’t ever going to have a good day. He is going to spend his day wondering why he continues on such a painful path. His kids suffer because his emotional state is so tense and raw, that he can’t relate to them very well.

Men more often than not need to know there is a warm bed waiting for them when they depart a marriage. They need to know that another woman will love them and fulfill them and they need to know that their kids will not hate them even though kids do go through emotional changes. Kids bounce back from divorce just as their parents do and yes it takes time.

If the parents can act mature without slamming each other in front of their children then the child can adjust quicker. Children know when their parents are no longer happy together and some kids want their parents to divorce so there is no more tension to live with. Kids want to see their parents together and happy but when the happiness is gone for the parents it is also gone for the kids.

Know one thing, if you choose divorce you will find someone else to love, yes you will over time, your life will change for the better in many ways but there are sacrifices that cannot be avoided and you must be prepared for that. Do not stay in a bad relationship for appearances because frankly no one lives your life but you and others opinions are of no importance.


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