The Caged Fountain

Have you ever felt free yet confined? Have you ever felt that in your own little world you could live your life as you chose but once out in society you had to conform? That is how I feel so much of the time, as if the world cannot understand me so I am forced to conform to expectation of the world and I can no longer be myself. I’m a very open minded person and I am quite a stickler on so very few things but still a stickler.

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I wish I could be myself all of the time but one cannot live with peace in this world unless we fall under society’s rule. We are expected to be so much and never to be a disappointment to anyone for that would take the shine right out of our shinola. We cannot smoke a joint on the street, or walk naked down the street because the world would be to shocked.

We are expected to act appropriately and we are expected to be totally honest in our relationships, which of course we cannot. We cannot tell people what we really think of them because that isn’t acceptable and we are unable to express ourselves to our partner which grows distance and longing for an understanding soul. This is how the end begins of every relationship and this is what drives most men into another’s arms.

It is not possible to be in love with two people at once, no it isn’t and you can easily tell by the distance between the two individuals. The man begins with a slowly wandering eye that grows into an obsession with another woman. When the man is content he stays in the situation even though he doesn’t want to he stays anyway and then he finds someone who fills his thoughts almost constantly, his fantasies are about her and his dreams are filled with her face.

This man will one day leave his current situation to his partners dismay because she has become so used to the behavior of her man that she didn’t notice he subtly changed and pulled away. This man will one day say to himself that yes he wants to be with the one that controls his thoughts and he will step up and finally go after that special woman, that women that possessed him so long ago.

What Do You Do?

What do you do with the feelings you feel for someone but cannot show them? What do you do with your thoughts and dreams as well as fantasies? What do you do if that person won’t meet you? If you’re in a relationship with someone you should never lead someone else to believe that you care for them or that you even think about that person.

It’s so damn hard to find love, find affection, find someone who cares about you and your happiness and leading someone to believe that you are that person is wrong. I have had a damn hard life and I do not appreciate games people play with my emotions because they are insecure or unsure of where they want their life to go.  They may have a relationship with someone but it obviously cannot be that solid or that person wouldn’t follow the goings on in my life.

I am a good person, someone who most would be happy to know and men seem to love me for some unknown reason other than I am sexy or so I have been told by so many. I give because I choose to and I care deeply for people in general. But who cares about me? Who loves me for me? Who wants to lie next to me at night and protect me from the monsters in the dark?

Who wants to hold me when I cry? Who wants to share a day of laughter with me? Who??? Who is that person and where is he right this second? With someone else I assume and I have to let go of the feelings I have for someone because he obviously has no interest in me other than to read what I write because I am once again assuming he can relate to some of my trials and tribulations.