In The Thick

When we meet someone who we are attracted to we start out talking and sharing our thoughts and feelings and then things progress to the physical. Well, I have allowed myself to be attracted to someone who I have never met and never will meet and I am finding that this online relationship has started to really affect me.

I find myself crying all the time, holding my pillow for comfort and praying that we will one day meet. I am finding myself getting further into a depression that is not only affecting me but also my kids. He is so self-absorbed he doesn’t care what this is doing to me and he says he loves me but refuses to meet me.

I do not believe he loves me one bit because when you love someone you want to be with that person, you want to support them and help them anyway you can, you want to give of yourself to that person but he gives me nothing but pain so I have to cut my losses before I cut my throat.

I was so depressed for years and finally got out of it but I find myself back into the same gutter I climbed out of and I cannot let myself fall into another major depression. I am miserable and so unhappy that I really look forward to nothing each and everyday. My heart can no longer take what he is dishing out so I have to say goodbye forever or I surely will die.