Never Enough

There never seems to be enough money to make things work out around here. I owe my daughter two thousand dollars for paying the taxes on the house and my son needs to have his wisdom teeth removed which is another sixteen hundred. I’m trying so hard to pay my daughter back because she needs the money to pay for school and that is more important than anything else.

Now the engine light is on in my car and I do not have the money to pay for any repairs. The stress of my finances is making me ill and I do not know what to do about it. There seems to never be enough money for gas or groceries and life is very hard right now. I should be used to financial troubles but I never seem to get used to it and I have to figure out what to do about it. I will be ok once income tax time comes or so I believe.

I feel so bad because this will be another Christmas without money to buy the kids a single thing and they are ok with that but I am not. They know how hard things are for me and they wish they could help but they cannot. Shelby works ten hours a week plus going to school full time and the little money she makes pays for her gas and as a mother I feel like such a failure because I am relying on my daughter to help me financially.

I’m trying so hard to get my head above water but it seems I keep slipping under the tide and I am slowly drowning. I have no one to help me and I have spent my reserves on keeping this house afloat. I have got to put this house up for sale because it is taking every damn dime I have but we have no where else to go because the housing market sucks. I do not know what I am going to do but I have got to come up with something very soon.

Give Up

Holding on to someone or something that serves no purpose in your life isn’t healthy and you really need to let go. I am working on doing just that by spending my time looking elsewhere for companionship. God has a grand plan for all of us but sitting around waiting for him to engage that plan is foolish. I find myself thinking less and less about someone that I KNOW is my soulmate but I refuse to play his games and wait any longer.

Things happen when they are suppose to and not a moment sooner so wasting time waiting is wasting possible new experiences and meeting new people. I am so damn picky when it comes to men but I am realizing I have to open myself up to those that may mentally stimulate me if not sexually as well. Pictures tell us nothing about a person other than their physical appearance and there could be some serious chemistry between two people once they meet.

I want love in my life and I refuse to sit and wait for it to come looking for me so I am off looking for it. I no longer will play games with anyone online and I will no longer wait for them to come to me because it seems they never will. I may not be the best I can be right now but I am working hard on myself and I see improvement, slowly but I still can finally see it. If anyone is waiting for me to lose weight and get fit well they can just kiss my ass because I am getting healthier each day and by spring I will be where I wish to be as far as my weight.

There is more than enough of me to love right now but I prefer it be less of me to love and if anyone looked into my heart they would see a woman that is rare indeed. I do not fall in the group of women that are looking for someone to support them and take care of them. I want to be cared for and loved which is quite different and yes things are hard for me financially, I still seem to get through each day and manage my affairs.

Im a good person, a loving person and a giving person and the man I end up with will be damn lucky as he will be enveloped in love and kindness and he will never want for anything emotionally or physically from another woman. I am proud of the person I am and giving love is something I am very good at because I am genuine and as real as you can get. Do not expect lies and being used from me because that just isn’t part of my makeup.