When you care for someone and they tell you to put away your dreams, your fantasies, your hopes and wishes to one day to be with them then you have to do just that. It’s so hard for me to open my heart to anyone but I did for someone I shall never meet, someone I shall never talk to, someone I shall never hold or kiss. It has taken me a very long time to give it up but I have finally excepted that I must let go.
Im taking steps to move on and to put away all of my hopes and dreams to be with this person and I can no longer look back and I must keep moving forward. My hopes and dreams were all I had that helped me get through each and every day, each and every trial and tribulation and each let down I have experienced in my life. There is no room in his life for the likes of me and I have to respect that and let it go.
I do hope he is happy and I do hope the person he is with will put aside everything for him when he reaches his last eight minutes of life. You never know when those last eight minutes will come and you cannot be prepared for it. You could be on a plane like those of 911, you could be in a car, you could be walking across the street, you could be anywhere. Yes it saddens me to think of what could have been but never will be but it’s ok because I will find love.
Life is so barren without love and affection, without someone who would step in front of a train for you, who loves you so much that you are their entire world. I do miss him but not enough to let myself be his door mat, not enough to let him hack my computer and not enough to end my life for. I’m looking at the stars and I see them shining brightly and I wonder which one of those stars hold happiness for me.
Yes, letting go is the only thing I can do at this point because I see myself as a fool, a complete idiot for letting myself have such feelings for one person that I mean nothing to other than a form of entertainment. Someday, the world will be right and someday I will have someone say to me that I am their everything, I am the one they have waited for and I am the one that they truly love for eternity.