My life has been one struggle after another and I feel as if I will never find peace and happiness, I feel as if I am being punished for something I did or did not do in another time, another place. I spent to many years consecutively burying my family members and I have taken care of most of them in their last hours of need. This doesn’t make me a good person it just makes me human and someone who cares.
I treat people the way I want to be treated and I do not believe that anyone should die in a nursing home, no I believe in taking care of my family members until they take their last breath. I am to giving, to caring and to loving for the likes of this world and I no it’s been a long time coming but things will eventually turn in my favor, or so I pray they do. Life is one big circle and yes life does repeat itself about every twenty years.
I look back and cannot remember days that were happy, days that were carefree, days that made me feel loved. I have never felt loved because I have never been loved and that is just the way it is. I ask God to bring me love, bring me happiness, bring me peace of mind and I thank God for giving me what I have needed when I have needed it. I do not ask for wealth or fame and I do not ask for more than I need to get through each and every day because I know God will provide and continue to provide for me in that way.
When I was growing up people were real and they didn’t pretend to be someone they weren’t but in today’s world it seems almost everyone is plastic-fake. Why can’t people be happy with who they are? Why do people play so many games? Why are people so damn greedy, selfish and self centered? It seems everyone I meet just about puts on airs and they are not happy with who they are.
Im so damn real it’s scary for most people because they want fake, they want plastic and they want perfection. People are no longer happy with their appearance so they hire some doctor to cut on them and make them look better. What they fail to realize is surgery is obvious and you can always tell when someone has had work done. Im not beautiful and really not even pretty but I would never let anyone cut on me to change my looks.
When I talk to people I talk from the heart and yes I am an emotional person but at least I am real, at least I am who I say I am and at least I do as I say I will do. When I give you my word you have everything I have to give because I am only as good as my word and I know that. The only time people are real anymore is when they reach their golden years because they have realized that nothing is more important than their health and being loved.
Im not saying I am special and I am not saying that I am better than anyone else but I do always speak the truth. Getting the truth out of most people is impossible but for me it means everything because I hate being lied to. There will come a time when I meet someone who can appreciate me for myself and they will accept me in my entirety but I have yet to meet that person and have no idea how long it will take until that person shows themselves to me.