There are times when all we have is our fantasies and I like to write about mine as I did earlier today. “The Fantasy” is just another one of my loosely written fantasies and yes I do get excited when I write about them. Sometimes, you just need to release all that pent up emotion but the thing is everything I write is an extension of myself and how I am in person with someone and yes I am that sensual, that romantic and that attentive.
We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.
My third grade teacher wrote on my report card that I daydreamed to much, well I still daydream to much but it’s the only thing that I have to take me away from all the pain and suffering in my life. I used to think it was bad to dream but it’s the dreamers of the world that make the most changes, the best changes and yes we dream but our dreams are good ones. My dreams are put down in words in the form of fantasy most of the time and yes I dream a lot about romantic and sexual encounters.
There is nothing wrong with dreaming about such things because I hurt no one, I lead no one and no one ever gets hurt. The fantasies are a way to escape into the arms of someone who cares for me, someone who loves me and someone who can bring pleasure to my body and mind. Today, I wrote a little fantasy in another blog I have and I can fantasize so good I can actually feel the person, see his face and feel his touch.
I miss the company of a man so much but I am so picky that I refuse to lie with just anyone and that is why it’s been so long since I have been really involved with anyone. The right guy will come along when he is supposed to but it’s so damn hard being alone night after night and having no one to share my days with. I love to kiss and to cuddle and making love is something that is so special to me that i refuse to lie with just any man.
One day I will be happy and one day life will be easier for me but waiting for that day is so hard and yes the tears flow because I am so emotional. There are people who are to mental and then there are people like me that are to emotional but that is the way we are wired and nobody can change that. I like my men tall because they give me a sense of security and I have never felt secure in so very long but one day, yes one day life will change for me.
I’ve been chatting with someone with the last name of Knot and we got disconnected online so I placed another ad, Knot where did you go? Well wouldn’t you know every Tom, Dick and Harry answered the ad and think that I’m into bondage, getting tied up, lmao. Men are so fucking stupid sometimes and I just love the emails saying they need to be discrete! I do not do married men for one thing and if you are so dumb you think the ad is looking for kinky sex then you are definitely to stupid for me.
Im no genius but I am far from stupid but seem to keep running into some really ignorant people and that just doesn’t work for me. Then there are all of the scammers out there looking for a woman to prey on and get her to send money. The thing is I wouldn’t send a damn dime to anyone even if I did have it but I don’t of course and my patience is wearing pretty thin lately as the stress has taken over.
Life is so damn hard and never seems to get better for very long but this has got to change eventually because no one person should have to live the life I have lived. I try not to cry every day but it’s the only stress reliever that I have available to me at the moment. I go to the gym and try to get the endorphins to kick in and uplift my mood and it does help for a while but then the tears come again.
I’m sure your life is so much easier and you no doubt have a girlfriend probably in Germany for all I know and yes you fly around the world everyday in your private jet, eating fancy meals and dealing with other wealthy or well known people and here I am just a simple person who has so much love to give but obviously I am not good enough for the likes of you, now am I??? You so enjoy reading about my fucked up life for whatever reason and you seem to get off on reading about my suffering.
You could so change my life but you will not come near me as if I am some kind of venereal disease, as if I could bring harm to you in some way but this is not true, not true one bit. I have given up on ever meeting you because I am not the type of woman you obviously seek out. I am to honest, warm, kind, giving and loving and that isnt what you are looking for I guess. You like the very thin and attractive women, the stupid bitches that just want to live the high life like yourself.
You keep going the way you are and you will be a very lonely old man without any real love, even Irina quit loving you the way you need to be loved and you quit loving her the same way. Maybe one day you will wake up and realize that you are more than money, more than fame, you my dear are a good soul in a fucked up world and you move to the beat of fame and wealth but strip that all away and what are you? Who are you?