We are always doing for someone else, always giving to others, always there for the ones we love but when is it our time to be happy? When is it our time to live again? Do we ever get just our time? It seems as if my life has always been of service to others, always giving and doing for others but never my time to be loved, to be happy. I just exist and go through each day without feeling anything or feeling very little.
Do you ever wish you could have someone love you and do for you and only you? Do you ever dream of the day that you meet that special person who will change your entire world? Change what your heart feels, what your body feels? Do you ever wish that day was today? That is where I am because I have nothing else left to hang onto and I have nobody that loves me for me other than my children.
I just do not understand how someone like myself just cannot get a fair shake in life, someone like myself has no love or anyone to share their live with. I do not ask why my life must be like this because there are no answers to those tough questions. I am so thankful for what I have even though it isn’t much I have more than a lot of people do and I try to remember that but it gets so difficult at times.
There are so many so much better off than I am but there are also so many others worse off than I am but it’s hard to think of anyone else when I’m stuck in this situation. Things will one day turn around because they have to and I cannot lose hope. It’s just so damn hard for me because I have been through so much and continue to go through more trying times day after day.
Theres nothing worse than feeling like a loser, a total failure but that is all I can feel right now and nothing seems to change those feelings unfortunately. When you cannot take care of your family on your own or without selling a part of your body you do feel so lost and like a total loser. I am a single mother, a lonely mother, an empty woman who has so little left to give.