To Know

So many of us wonder where are soulmate is and when we will meet that person but the truth is some of us already know who our soulmate is even if we haven’t met. Our soulmate doesn’t come to us when we are in dire need of love or material security and our soulmate doesn’t come to us because we want them to. Soulmates meet when the stars are aligned, we have learned certain lessons we must learn before they come into our lives and we have experienced many a situation.

People do not come into our lives out of pity, they come to us our of a need that they need to fulfill within themselves and if helping you is that need then they will come. Our soulmates are there to complete us not to give us material things or a sense of security or love. Soulmates come together when we have fulfilled our destiny up to the point that it is time for them to enter our lives and continue on a new journey.

I would never want anyone to come to me because they pitied me or felt sorry for me because no matter how difficult my life may be at this time it is part of my destiny, it is part of my journey of learning and yes things are terrible right now but I have no doubt that I will learn something very valuable out of this experience. I try to stay positive but it is so damn hard at times but I have learned from the past that great pain today brings great wealth in the form of knowledge later.

I will never give up on my soulmate and I will never change how I feel about this person because we are connected through an invisible force that neither one of us can break. We are meant to be together and that will happen in time. It is not up to me as I am ready to meet him but he isn’t quite ready to meet me as of yet. He is holding back because he has to learn and gain more knowledge.

He has never been in a relationship as the one we will have and he has no idea what to expect and I do believe he fears letting his heart be touched once again. He knows the type of person he wants to spend the rest of his life with and he knows that I obtain the qualities he so desires in a mate. I do not want him to rescue me in any way and I do not want materialism from him, all I want is to love him and to be loved by him and when he is ready he will come to me.

The Quilt

I think everyone has something from their childhood that they bring into adulthood and for me that is my grandmother’s quilts. She handmade each and every one of them and they are heavenly to sleep under. Everyone in the family loves the quilts including Gabriel and Michael my miniature yorkies, they love to take a bath and then rub themselves dry on my bed. There is something about the quilts that make me feel so safe and secure as if my grandmother is with me.


My great grandmother used to make me a birthday cake every year, red velvet cake with green cream cheese frosting and I so miss that cake as well as my grandmother. My grandmother’s were the ones that shaped me as a person, they both cooked from scratch and my grandmother from the south was such a genuine person, a loving woman who would whip your ass if you needed it.

My kids have no grandparents which is such a shame because they teach us so much, they were raised in a different era and they bring that “old morals” to the table and our children learn so much from them. My grandparents were everything to me and I could always talk to my grandma “ma” because she told me like it was and never white washed a damn thing. She taught me so much and she was a great role model.


A Year Older

Today is my 54th birthday, there are no bells, no whistles, no cake and no nice dinner because we do not have the money for such luxuries. I know it’s only my birthday but it should be a special day or so I still think that way. When the kids have a birthday I always get them a gift, make them a cake and take them to dinner and I usually have enough money to take the kids out for my birthday but not this year.

My daughter wished me a happy birthday but my son, well he’s just the kind of kid that gives hugs and teases me because I am so “old”.  I try not to let myself get to down but it is so hard for me because I am such an emotional creature. I think a birthday should always be special, more so than any holiday and not being able to do something special makes me so sad and Im so alone and just hate it.

One day things will be different, I will be with someone who enjoys sharing my life and my vision for love, someone who will love me as much as I love him, someone who enjoys spending time with me no matter what we are doing and someone who will appreciate me for the person I am. I do not know when that day will come but I keep holding the faith that it will sooner than later.